Cosmo 25 questions?

I will answer one. Should handwritten. One can never have too much .....chocolate. soda. 0ther things I won't mention.

Photos

Sull aria?

I wish I could sing these songs..... impress people.....that I know Italian which I don't ...
I sound like the can opener......or a cat schreeching.....singing is not my thing. I have other talents that I have been given.
...they'd probably throw watermelons at me. Or tomatoes....or no anything is possible. I am learning fast I am good.....the language. I can mouth the words.I listened to a lot of classical music in school....Aria .....breeze..... Jodi Arias..... .....her and? Plotting to expose Travis' double life (sotto i pini del boschetto) though I personally would have seen that a mile away.....no need for an elaborate plot. Sad you know.....if it were up to me I would open the gates and set her free. I believe she is innocent though she did some really dumb things the main one being that she dated Travis. What argument can she make? I was young and messed up.....I didn't know what I was doing.....

Brief hello

Sorry for my absenteeism. Putting together new material and rehearsing hard. The past couple weeks have been rigorous. To say the least. So.....current interests including a heartfelt emotional testimony what have you on my first trip to nyc .....reading Schiller and Goethe in the original language....
My German's not that good and much of the beauty of the language is lost in translation .....but gradually getting there. Actually fairly fast. Schiller was absolutely a genius. I was partly inspired by a cousin of mine to read these authors. What else? Oh yes. The spying. None of this news is really news to me. Why me a target I may have my quirks but something this clandestine and highly sophisticated and.....make no mistake they knew what they were doing....why me? If so it is. Anyway.

Jodi Arias Dirty Little Secret

Lines:

Travis: I'll call you when I'm done.

Jodi: Done what? Screwing those bimbos?

Travis:Well, I have to get them drunk first don't I?

Watched some of this am  getting into ....Tania Raymonde is pretty decent in it.....of ...I mean I'd be lying if I said I never felt what she/the character feels.....I have never stabbed anyone or been violent though I am still not believing that she either did it or if she did......that she did it alone. .....even in my darkest days thank heaven I had other outlets..
In my situation I am unfamiliar with this community growing up in Chicago and New York I had no contact, really, with anything to the west of that except for a few trips.....I went with my then boyfriend to Arizona.....I like the heat but that was too much.....I can't bear to be shut up in air conditioning all the time I want to be free to walk out.  Only once did I have to break down and buy an AC because my room was too hot even for me. I can't sleep with one on or even the fan. I close the windows and any air blowing irritates me and makes me sick .....I like going to sleep warm and waking up in a sweat. When I was in Scotland I couldn't take the cold and this was summer.....big mistake not to bring a portable heater. I would sneak into the kitchen turn on the stove and sleep on a table......where we cooked stuff..I remember the first time doing that after a week of lying in cold air that scratched my nose and not allowed any heat and feeling underwater and disoriented with the flu or perpetually running nose.....finally the feeling of warmth for the first time and my body coming together again. I love Scotland and Scottish people but next time I go i will not forget a portable heater and electricity converter.
Digression..... anyway.....I watched this movie partly in Brooklyn will go into more later.....
If I dare say but I will it's a free country.....my opinion only.....Jodi did not do the killing. I have NO idea what she was doing with him because I would have bolted out of there so fast before you could blink if any guy fed me the absurd nonsense he did her. Not to mention all that other stuff. You couldn't get me far enough away fast enough. Plus.....not that that's everything but I don't think he was all that good looking. I don't get what she was doing with him but he probably didn't deserve to die. Likely.....I am guessing but others have said the same.....someone else did the dirty work and left Jodi to take the fall. Too bad she should have asked for a lawyer up front. Ok. Well, there you have it. My hypothesis.

True north? Or roulette ...

It's easy to see the bad more than the good.....when you're in it. Once again I am sorry for behaving badly. I was caught in a tornado I had.......it was more than I had ever been prepared for. Nothing made sense. I was very savagely attacked for no reason.   My mom and her then husband and I.....I was around ten. . It was the best of times it was the worst of times. I know it's been said ad nauseum.......but true in my case.....she and Jon (sorry to drag up the past!) had a fight to end all fights. I heard, rather than saw.  This is while we were visiting his parents in Cape Cod (the birth place incidentally of J's ex .....). One  carries the legacy of the past. From The Tempest: "past is prologue." Also in the film JFK..... I was weird then too but otherwise a typical kid from the Chicago suburbs. Mom and Jon fell out......sad you know my grandmother was dying.....I was a child fortunately shielded from the horrors of cancer but I guess I sensed underneath the surface.....my mom took me on a side trip to NYC. Spur of the moment. We weren't impulsive people my mom is a pretty meticulous planner.
But it happens.....I read a biography of my hero, Natalia Makarova, where she talked about spontaneous random acts like that shaped her life, despite her plans and projects. Pause. But remembering the past clarifies the unspeakable horror of the present.....recognize patterns. "If the moon smiled, she would resemble you/you leave the same impression/of something beautiful, but annihilating" Sylvia Plath "todestone/I should leave you in the center of my forehead/and let the dead sleep as they deserve." And I crawled out ....when I was in Edinburgh we were made to watch these bizarre Japanese films about people being swallowed by the bed..... Very scary fight. Then mom took me in the car, driving to? I was bored and restless.

Real McCoy in light of Edward Snowden

This song came out in around 1995-96. Correction....my bad! Brainchild of dozens of people it seems, mostly in Europe. I was in school, living in the dorm.....ah life was good. I was dating a guy named Al. Reading a book on Anne Sexton. Auditioning. And this was on the radio constantly:

"Big Brother is watching you 
Unlock your brain and save your soul
Life in a perfect system
Take the stand and fight for freedom
Keep the faith and run away

Money sex and thought control
A generation without soul
Perfect people in a perfect world
Behind closed doors all in control
...cold cash money mentality"

Don't want to violate copyright laws you know I could be .....well life is short ....
So. Things have really changed since then.....and you thought they were kidding!

Waking

Lights have flickered and come back on after nine years

From the film Play it Again Sam by Woody Allen and Amanda Knox

Humphry Bogart (impersonator): "The only bad thing is if she turns out to be a virgin, or a cop."
Woody Allen: "With my luck she'll be both."

I am reading Amanda Knox's memoir  Waiting to be Heard it's amazing! This is some story.....the stuff of B horror films, the kind you watch on Halloween. But of course this was real. Italy looks beautiful I was only there briefly. This story reads ....her trial.....like something out of the Middle Ages.....Amanda was actually driven through a crowd in what looked like a cage .....though it was a car.  She and Raffeale Sollicito were in NYC......must have been for an interview...my heart goes out to the Kerchers for their loss. Still these kids didn't do it. The prosecution spun this absurd ridiculous and untrue story about a wild sex orgy and turned Knox into the Scarlet Killer.....which she wasn't. That .....this could have been me or anybody....

Amanda Knox

I am really fascinated by this. A lot of elements. Halloween All Souls Day killing. Mignini (sp cq) said this murder was Satanic and I found out the Satanic Panic has resurged in Italy. Well the SP has been found to be fiction and people were wrongly accused of stuff they didn't do. Point number one. Most of the ones sent to jail were not Satanists. Halloween and All Saints Day and All Souls Day are Christian holidays, formerly pagan, and have nothing to do with Satanism which is its own religion. AK .and RS are not Satanists never professed to be as far as I know they are both Christian.
Two: Meredith Kercher's "friends" first of all left her alone and vulnerable in an area with a history of crime and thugs running rampant it seems. What kind of people were hanging around her? Theres something really not right here. Her "friends" who claim to be so concerned for her skip town as soon as she is killed and do nothing to help with the investigation and refuse to speak to the police. Is that what someone who cares about someone does? Ditto for her roommates. They trash talk AK who DID stay and try to help, then took the rap for it, completely wrongly, losing her freedom .....but what did they do to help? Who are they to blame anyone? Three. After the fact: and I know having traveled you domt think about these things: there was apparently inadequate security in that place. A disaster for young women living alone and far more if its one alone. When I went to London we were not in a great neighborhood and security was airtight. I got in trouble when . My bag was stolen and keys were in it. But we were in a dorm. Basically my point is they were in an unsafe place with inadequate protection or security which a friend . Once advised me should always be first priority when moving to a new place. There . Is a reason why floor washing for protection is so widespread in hoodoo. There are bad folk out there. My friend who lived alone was raped even someone crawled through her window. Some of these creeps stalk . People and stake them out. Wait til they are out, or alone. It.....especially because I grew up in the city is beyond me why the . People renting this place did not make it safer against intruders like Rudy Guede. Why in short were they living in an unsecure place . In a bad neighborhood with dangerous people running around? If he was selling them drugs it makws no sense to kill your customers unless she owed him money but after a week? Probably he figured MK had money and he said they had a date (if true.....I can't help wonder was she out of her mind but I can't say for sure). After smashing the window (and why didnt she call the cops) she must have screamed God knows I would have someone MUST have heard her. They were allegedly in a crowded town. Weren't there other people living there? Didn't they hear the window break?  She must have been screaming her head off why did no one hear her especially during a struggle.
Unless he covered her mouth. But apparently they were running around. Or he held her down on the bed raped and stabbed her covering her mouth in which case . He is the worst slime alive. I am against the death penalty but if he did that I wouldnt feel sorry for him. If . It was consensual sex he wouldn't. Have broken the window. . Some said AK and RS broke the window to make . It look like a break . In.....but depending where the glass fell if . Out the break . Occured from . Oitside . If . In inside......they'd have had to go out and smash the window themselves at nighttime that's pretty far fetched. What would be thwir motive for . Killing her knowing they would lose their freedom this while they were in school anything is . Possible but thats improbable. Now, why were their phones off unless battery ran out but how did the . Pro KNOW their . Phones were off. That is one thing fishy I hate tosay cuz I am . On their side but thats how yoyr location cant be tracked. Did they take out the batteries on their phones? Someone who must have heard the glass break.

History of the World Mel Brooks

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5VsYT5vbWE&feature=youtube_gdata_player

This pics better

Aileen Wuornos

Watch "Aileen Wuornos Part 1 of 6" on YouTube
Yes I am watching many interviews with female prisoners and serial killers. Of course there is no excuse for cold blooded murder ("you have a right not to be killed/murder is a crime/unless it was done/by a policeman" The Clash) and..... yes those who are.guilty made their own choices BUT it also takes a village.....Wournos wow .....I never knew much about her. She is from Michigan I have tons of family there.....these are the people next door well I learned that from personal experience.....but it still is hard to sink in. These aren't deviants or lowlifes but regular people......lots of people go through bad stuff and don't go on to become killers maybe there is no way to predict. Some killers have "normal" childhoods I mean on it goes.....

Plan B victory

Although it doesn't solve all our problems. it will prevent.some many disasters.......I have heard people say that location is irrelevant that one should find the  peace in themselves or something.....but it does matter. For all its problems I am proud of.the fact that I live in New York City where I can get this. There is a clinic that will give out the pill for free. Not perfect but an advantage. This pill has been proven  safe and has been sold over the counter all over the world to women and girls of all ages for a decade now.

Joy of Resistance (@JoyofResistance) tweeted at 0:56 AM on Tue, Jun 11, 2013: ObamaAdmin drops appeal! MorningAfterPill will now be availabke 2 wmn of all ages w/out ID! http://t.co/wpahHFRapI @lauranewmanny @ssedoga (https://twitter.com/JoyofResistance/status/344317144386908161) Get the official Twitter app at https://twitter.com/download

horrors saw that name again

I know what you are probably thinking but her name is always a bad sign.....something bad always happens when I see her name. Maybe it's in my mind but I have reason to believe validly that this person has ill intent toward me. I saw that horrible name which I will never get used to which makes me sick which I can't understand why anyone would name their kid that when I see that name the scab is ripped off that deep wound she inflicted I see feel relive all the pain she caused me and that name was next to that of my ex. I am OVER him I don't care anymore I want both of them gone forever from my life..I am wAtching Law and Order they just. Said pluck him out of your daughter's life like a bad tooth. May she and all reminders of her be that.....

More on Jodi Arias

I had to retype this as my software crashed.....I watched a French film by Catherine Briellat I think thats how you spell her name....about two high school age sisters, one is overweight and awkward and the other is very beautiful.The same scenario I just talked about.....the pretty girl is dating a guy who convinces her to let him fuck her in the.ass because the other way is wrong or something.....that if she didn't let him he would be forced to look elsewhere.....and so she lets him. I have had some guys pressure me to stuff like that but I never did. Something must have saved me.....I don't know what. I am grateful to have missed, however narrowly, the worst. Anyway.

More on Jodi Arias.....

Recently, and this isn't the first time..........I turned down this guys invitation for me to come to his house so he could "face fuck" me.....according to this that's not sinning....

Jodi Arias

Mornings after doing my routine I have breakfast or  coffee and watch stuff like this on youtube. Pretty fascinating though I don't know what she was thinking. If you stab someone, let alone 30 something times, you are likely to go to jail even if it's self defense. This guy sounded like a.....I edited this I dont know him of course..... it's obviously not ok to stab someone whether or not it was that he was attacking her or she was mad that he had another girlfriend...... . He apparently.....just now this is sinking in.....told her that for religious reasons.....that he couldn't have sex with her (vaginally that is) until they were married but if they did it anally or orally it wasn't sex' or not sinning or something...... and it was ok.  She said anal sex hurt but why did she go along with it to begin with? A person is really going to believe that nonsense? But I feel a real empathy with her and the death penalty is gruesome and horrible I agree .....it is painful to watch. But if like Jodi said the murder was not premeditated and she stabbed
him after being attacked......people have done worse things and not gone to jail. I read stories in her case and also in the Amanda Knox story and for that matter the Manson murders of witness tampering, information withheld.....threats.....horrifying if true. Power corrupts?

Sylvia Plath, blogging

"This holocaust I walk in/o golden child the world will kill and eat"

I watched part of Oliver Stone's "Untold History of the United States" he said something about the misperception, something like that, that the US won World War II. ? Not sure if I got that right. .....Friedan wrote about "comfortable concentration camps".....my recollection of the fifties....well I wasn't born...but what my mom tells me.....my grandmother had been a beautiful and brilliant woman, fond of literature and not of housework. probably mg grandfather did all the housework as he was OCD and a neatness freak. I read something by this guy who said he was one as well. You don't realize how you are reliving.....I don't think my grandmother was the fifties Doris Day heroine you always read about. They, and my mother as a kid, moved around all the time.....

Susan Atkins

Watch "Part 3 Susan Atkins 1993 Parole Hearing California Prison Charles MANSON Family" on YouTube
From her perspective. Very different from that of the prosecution.......judge for yourself

New vlog

Watch "New vlog.and.update" on YouTube
Hey sorry for the long absence. Dealing with some terribly strenuous stuff. Hopefully solved......nearly.

Last post

That was harsh and not meant to be public. But since it's out there.....I am dealing with some horrible stuff personal things. I mean I tried if failed......not a good feeling. Sorry you know?

Dark day

Sleep deprived.....oh what do I do. Today its rainy....terrible. storms, anniversary of Plaths suicide, I have pms, people trampled at so called festival....why do people see these holy sacred days as just another reason to get blasted and dance naked but hey if they are why shouldn't I? Do I not deserve a blast too? Whatever. I personally am not a fan of parades and such just not my scene. Also....it's just not a good .....anniversary of Whitney Houston's dare I say it murder. A little boy was killed in the storm. Death everywhere and no this is not. Run of the mill. But ....life has to go on n'est ce pas? Three dead in a freak chopper crash. No this is not good. I have my own problems.

Intuition?

Grateful......the one thing probably that has saved me at times

Ran on west side highway

Getting Chinese food why NOW this is working cold sesame noodles and vegetable rolls which they don't make in jc. Decisions? To stay or not .....the parks are far less crowded and noisy. And nice......feels almost like country. The stores close too early. You can't get a sandwich or soda beer juice chips what have you at 3am running out the door.....shrimp fried rice ugh! So ghetto I'm sorry. Can't stand the smell of fish......like you can in Brooklyn. Oh the days. I really miss that. I just didn't know what I was doing.....

Homophobic celebs dim all the lights dimwitteds.....!?

All

Donna Summer queen of disco, rest her soul, allegedly said gay people, disco's staple audience, men mainly are getting punished by "God", ect. "God loves you," she said, "just not as you are now." Ouch. Pretty terrible, isn't it? Doubt that. Paris Hilton, who is truly a genius, (sarcasm in case you thought otherwise)  said something not quite as harsh but pretty ignorant. This a web site I was on late this a.m.

Freedom Fries 501(c)?

Plath wrote "the coursoage of a shut mouth/ in spite of artillery!" These actions by the nice people who run this agency were mean spirited malicious and deliberate, an attempt at silencing me, intimidating me into shutting up. And by the way, this was under the Bush Administration.....power corrupts or are some individuals already corrupted? I speak from life too. Some people feed off that.

From what I read, this alleged bias of the IRS occured due to Tea Party groups labeling themselves non profit and claiming tax exempt status. Thus why the IRS scrutinized them......the joke in Some Like it Hot"We made ¨__million before taxes.....only we didn't pay no taxes."

IRS and "conservatives"

The Judiciary Report - It's Not Gossip When It's True! Deal With It!
This really pisses me off. I was targeted by the IRS years ago and continue to be to this day. Where was the action taken? Nowhere. What was dine? Nothing
Shameful aand disgraceful indeed. I am NOT a Tea Party member or a conservative nor anything close. I wrote opinions critical, and rightly so I believe, of certain persons of power and priviledge in this country. I raised issues that were legitimate ones at the time I believe very strongly so. But no action was taken no complaints heard when people on the left were unfairly harassed by the IRS like I was. Mr. Boehner, for whom do you speak? All Americans?

Cliff Osmond

Born in Jersey City.....my present place of abode. Wow. All these shows are amazingly archived.......Thankfully....things do come around......and Rod Seeking lived a long time in Ohio. So few points of separation

Rod Serling

Apologies for my absenteeism as my phone was out. I just watched "The Gift" episode of Twilight Zone ......what amazing and brilliant work! At first it made no sense and I thought the kid was cute but not much of an actor. I used to watch this show at around the hour I am writing this......having a weird moment ......watch out for what you wish for? Interference .......the blessing candle burning low but others nicely.....maybe this is not the place for me. No joke. But I would visit my father in Chicago as a kid as I myself lived in Evanston .....and at 3am no less the witching hour this would come on. I to this day have nightmares about that apartment Dad was in. It was a fairly dark period on a personal level. He lived on the ground floor in a duplex with a winding red carpeted staircase going down to the basement......I used to play music on the stereo and put on talent shows on that staircase.....I would have my girlfriends over and we would do that but I slept in a room upstairs. Being an only child though I was often there alone just me and Dad.....he had a girlfriend then sometimes she would stay over.......they would go to sleep. ...as it was the weekend I would watch TV. I didn't watch much elsewhere as Dad actually discouraged me. But on weekends I did. I would wake up in the middle of the night......that hasn't changed. I am a night creature. And Dad's place was so creepy.....a brownstone and God I still dream about this. Windows that looked out into black.....the building next door. The kitchen with a window.....the alleys and the El going overhead......loud as fuck. I would wake up....little sweet orange Rusty the cat for company. One time I woke to him chasing a mouse.  But civilization may as well have come to cease......as it was eerie quiet with the test patterns on some stations.....the fundamentalist preachers on others.....the star spangled banner on another and the Twilight zone man no porn even.....ha! No cable just regular TV. So at 3 am I had Rod Sterling's ghost for comfort. Angry young man indeed! A reflection of yet our times as we were ahead. But you know the liberation leaders get the first bullets. We were all condemned that my parents divorced. My poor parents they didn't deserve that. Relationships break up it's no one's fault. NOW it's the norm more than the exception. All that volatility! It takes a village....a demimonde.....

Agent skully

Come on home now momma cried on the phone/too soon to lose my baby and my girl should be at home

Heart. "Magic Man"

I did not mean to stay out til five but oh lordie but these things to happen......Persephonia she did stay for a time of her own volition I believe I said that right. Then she entered a new life....as an actress!

Diary

K.L.F. Goodnight America we looooove you!

Joy of Resistance

Amazing radio show by Fran Luck from wbai....
They talked about the Feminine Mystique on a recent show. I am very familiar with Betty Friedan's work. As a high schooler.....I wrote about Friedan and was all but sent to the gallows for it. I received a big fat F. F for Friedan ha. I have so much to say on that book. Rosanne Barr once said TV is about demographics and demographics are about women. Friedan knew this too. She interviewed TV executives for her book wwas this before or after Marshall McCluhan (sp cq)? They knew these women wanted....well, sex. Shows like Bonanza
.......oh god I have to laugh when I think of that .....

More on this later

Be young be free the American way

KLF. ......Scotsman.....
Sam Endicott of the American group tithe Bravery wrote: "sometimes I forget I'm still awake/I fuck up and say these words out loud/my old friend/I swear I never meant for this" .......the Reese Witherspoon arrest brought those lyrics to mind...heaven knows I have behaved like a horrid bitch.....I have seen a lot of people get snippy with the cops she does not come across to me as diva-ish but you know I don't know her.

Draft of last post (no i was not drunk this was the faulty phone i since fixed)....coffee hot chocolate

Ffor ssome bizarre reason....figuring. out. It is hard to type on this new phone but Iwill try. I okin Thursday Wordswords of the Bravery: "sometimes. I forge tI m still awake/I. Fucamk/d say these things outside loud my old friend /. Swear i neverwu meant for this"up

phone broken but back.......

for the first time in probably eight or nine months...since before Sandy.....I ran on the bike path by the west river in Manhattan. This on a Sunday after a pretty tumultuous weekend. My phone was broken when a friend....I suppose having good intentions.....tried to fix the headphone jack but then the whole thing the screen stopped working. Have to replace tomorrow. At least I have my roommate's phone and will probably stay with a friend until I can get it working again. It's not so bad....kind of peaceful without the text messages going off constantly. I stopped at Barnes and Nobles.....I love to read and please people keep buying books! Literacy is a beautiful thing....and there's such a wealth of information in the pages. For now I have the New York Times. I read this article on a former child prodigy conservative pundit turned hippie. Watch out for what you wish for. I am very liberal......but.....well it's too bad the country is so torn apart by ideology. But so it is everywhere I guess.
Another article on punk rock.....ha! I was discussing the Sex Pistols with a friend. He said they were poseurs.....well, who knows? I was never a fan, really.....but I passed the Chelsea Hotel today and remembered, yeah flashback.......back when we were about 20 a friend of mine, this girl Alex, and her boyfriend and other friend and I hung out there. I can be an asshole sometimes. I wasn't very nice to this boy who made a pass at me. I snapped at this guy who got in my face today.....I know what they say about harassment and all but men are so relentless. I don't want to be mean, you know. I guess if you step over someone's personal boundaries and surprise them in ways they aren't ready for it's a knee jerking thing.......anyway I am digressing so back....in another life.....I was at Pace University and miserable needing to get away so my friends and I stayed in a room she rented at the Chelsea. She was obsessed with the Sex Pistols and the whole Nancy Spungen story. I always admired the Clash who were kind of sprung into being in the same scene. My friend nearly died drinking in the room we were in......but was saved at the 11th hour by her boyfriend and she is alive and well now and moved on. Oh yes...when I was thirteen I wrote a letter to the White House. Stamped delivered the whole bit....on farm animal cruelty. A month later I got a letter back by the Department of Agriculture....we had been encouraged to write the White House because they do write back. Pretty cool, huh?

80s and waking and Howard Jones

looking for new dance songs got on kind of an 80s trip......I did and mp3 search for Howard Jones. I got him singing "Things can only Get Better".....in a language I couldn't place...... so I looked him up....so Howard Jones is a Welsh, not British singer. Wiki fact for the day I guess. Growing up I barely knew what Wales was.....I assumed it was in England (I know thats really bad) then I developed a huge crush on a guy who was Welsh. Of course then I looked up all I could related......the language hasn't changed really much in thousands of years.....anyhow I find this stuff interesting......

"genius is pain" John Lennon

weary bleary eyed teary eyed yet I persist.....I could just blow off but something in me tortures me for "art" so I suffer.....put on some better music.....maybe Rob Zombie? or.....Black Box. I shall be the populist element.....was reading some stuff on Queen Victoria who was quite an eloquent writer.....calling feminism "mad, wicked folly" but the vote was yet won. So was birth control, but it would be another fifty years.

KLF on youtube

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=28w2LVzxVkU&feature=youtube_gdata_player really it's not my intention to violate any copyright laws please don't hate me or sue me......but I found the lengthier version of this song ....."we had to pass the pyramid blaster...I make you shake you take you.....what they call the mu mu.....what time is love" listening to this doing my dance exercises and after reading the horrific news on the train. Ugh.....it made me sick. I myself.....I was telling a friend how I found out that way back when I was living in Chicago my friend and I had been wiretapped, our phones (landlines). We were nineteen then. Of course we were not terrorists, not violent, had done nothing illegal. So what right had "they" to tap our phones, violate our rights and invade our privacy this way? Indeed. But.....being I chose.....I don't take direct action I express how I feel artistically.....I am not putting myself on the line in a protest but forcing myself to do this grueling physical work to the point of terrible exhaustion......in moments of clarity you remember why.....where am I going with this? At nineteen I was going to school working dumb jobs on the side and watching movies at home.....seeing friends from time to time. The average kid. But.....anyway

political jihad at the expense of......

http://m.guardiannews.com/film/2013/apr/15/oliver-stone-america-went-wrong innocent people.....at the end of the day bodies pile up and who wins? I was reading the news on the bombing and hey I am all for justice. But a dead body is a dead body and someone else loses their life or loved one. Really I would say this is a continuation of the Moslem/Christian war ongoing......did it ever end? though not a lot will say it. America may be the land of religious freedom but it is still a Christian-dominated country. When have we ever had a non-Christian president? The Satanic conspiracy.....bogus. Have we ever had a Jewish, Moslem, Bhuddist, Wiccan president? Uh, no.....never. Perhaps......just running through my mind. Sad that in a power struggle between religious and political leaders civilians die for it. Sigh. The news is grim indeed.

and J Bird and Brodeur return to.....me!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7NCZ4l8FCFc&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Henry Miller on Myrtle Ave

http://books.google.com/books?id=D9j8Ix_wnIQC&pg=PR20&lpg=PR20&dq=henry+miller+myrtle+avenue&source=bl&ots=mJfhi_1Gxr&sig=Lon0hXHgwcwd7qniNJCIqYnPyY8&hl=en&sa=X&ei=w_ljUd2SE8TB4AOE0YHoDA&ved=0CDoQ6AEwBA that is until I lived there.......the best of times the worst of times. In my life, that really is true. Kind of like the Ace of Swords the serene angelic clouds of heaven with the protruding sword. You can't make it look like aything other than what it is: there is not much of anything benevolent in a knife. To cut, to kill is its only purpose. Knowledge is power?

Joan Fontaine pic

http://www.google.com/search?q=joan+fontaine&hl=en&safe=off&client=ms-android-virgin-us&source=android-browser-type&v=133247963&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=yQhjUYG6J7fG4APuzoDYCg&ved=0CAgQ_AUoAQ&biw=320&bih=328&sei=1QhjUeq0D7Kj4AOYlIGgCg#biv=i%7C34%3Bd%7CLOhkLupLFQe2iM%3A one of my favorite actresses along with Vivien Leigh and Olivia de Havilland her sister

calico cross country

http://abcnews.go.com/m/story?id=14527262&ref=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2Fsearch%3Fhl%3Den%26redir_esc%3D%26client%3Dms-android-virgin-us%26source%3Dandroid-browser-type%26v%3D133247963%26qsubts%3D1365373432556%26q%3Dcat%2Btravels%2Bacross%2Bcountry%26v%3D133247963 of course I don't like that that poor cat could have been killed. but still. talk aout survival man! not just wild predators, human predators, cars whatnot......fucking amazing. all in these little guys that weigh five to eight pounds (kilos? like 3 maybe?)

super cat!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9WEORJhuSM&feature=youtube_gdata_player cats and dogs are amazing they have their own GPS in them. They can sense the earths natural geographic magnetic field and navigate. Comes from magratory evolution. This is so touching.

slain diplomat

http://m.cbsnews.com/storysynopsis.rbml?&pageType=world&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.cbsnews.com%2F8301-202_162-57578325%2Fdad-of-slain-diplomat-it-was-a-great-adventure-for-her%2F&catid=57578325&nb_splitPage=6

so sorry only 25. Also from the Chicago suburbs......never heard of River Forest is this Lake Forest? I got word Justin's ex is at it again. She is truly a terrible human being hurting those who did nothing to her out of jealousy and her crazy obsession with a man who, believe me I can tell you, has long forgotten her and probably is feeding a few birds on the way to meet her. Between attacks I have gotten from her and this woman who moved in......people who hurt those innocent are not human beings. Its pretty horrifying. But go after someone unprovoked you have no business going after.....because why? Because this person exists and breathes and you are jealous of the space thy take up........you are a resentful taker and vacuous and have nothing to give......I warned Justin this woman would be his downfall it's not like he wasn't warned. I am privy to the inside scoop and I know what I am talking about. What kind of a person does that? Someone who cannot........ That does not make for a sympathetic scenario.

lover not a fighter but doesn't matter

Rhett Butler said it's hard winning a war with words. Hm.....that's debatable.
About what I wrote on that PIRG job. I said.......I am sorry if I insulted anyone because there are lots of people working these places hard and long and doing great deeds. When I said godawful jobs that meant from my perspective that it IS a terrifically hard job and was quite treacherous. I did learn though I guess in terms of pitching something. But it was not for me. I was terribly shy and it was torture approaching people.....I was gawky and goofy. Anyway. Hope that clarifies.
I said some awful things about someone. I don't like saying this. I was mad and also concerned because this person carries bad vibes with her and I spoke plainly my feelings. I have seen it happen people hanging around people who only drag them down. I warned this person not to let it happen to him. But you know I don't want to say that. I figured it's none of my business but this woman did some things to me so it became my business, you know? Sad that such the world but it doesn't have to be.
Sigh. I miss Thai food and cold sesame noodles. I miss Brooklyn. I am looking forward to moving on. And into .....well.....

pic

lauralauras (@lauramsaiter) tweeted at 7:08 PM on Thu, Apr 04, 2013:
me standing next to the toilet! at least I'm not ON it http://t.co/BKhoiuL0pM
(https://twitter.com/lauramsaiter/status/319949511474700288)

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will never understand.....apologies

disclaimer: I know many pit bulls are nice dogs and of course they should be adopted out. There are many good people doing good deeds by taking the dogs into a loving home and properly training and caring for them. Of them I am not writing. But it makes me so mad......why do people adopt pit bulls (and then not responsibly train and control them)? ....it's not the dogs it's the owners. Eventually a little kid or another dog gets attacked. It's so awful I have had to pull dogs apart. Walking up the block with my laundry there was an incident....don't know the details nor do I want to. There are children cats dogs raccoons.....cats fight but they can manage themselves most of the time. It's horrible to be a witness to this and have no control. People have a responsibility to control their children and pets. A kid was running into people on purpose with a motorcycle........a teenage boy this was yesterday. But what can I do you know?

will never understand

it makes me so mad......why do people adopt pit bulls? Some are nice dogs....it's not the dogs it's the owners. Eventually a little kid or another dog gets attacked. It's so awful I have had to pull dogs apart. Walking up the block with my laundry there was an incident....don't know the details nor do I want to. There are children cats dogs raccoons.....cats fight but they can manage themselves most of the time. It's horrible to be a witness to this and have no control. People have a responsibility to control their children and pets. A kid was running into people on purpose with a motorcycle. But what can I do you know?

nap, suicide across the continent, dysfunctional super-anti hero

I did some ballet exercises which....dance is hard. I bathed, washed the floor, woke, got some soda from the deli.....was told by the guy who runs the laundry place nearby to get my stuff to wash now.....so rather than run I gathered all my dirty clothes which turned out to be the size of Mount Everest. Plus my lovely lavendar eco friendly soaps from the hippie store in the Village which I love. I am happy to say 6th Ave has changed little since I lived there as a teenager. It has retained its character unlike Bleeker St which is ......what words? I won't say. A polite word is unbearable. But 6th Ave has retained its charm. Its weirdness. Love it. So I went to the eco store and got products for my hair and trust me I have tried everything.....Giovanni is the best. And laundry stuff.
Next day I take a nap, wake and go to do wash. This movie is on the TV about a kid from a dysfunctional family (that topic to avoid) who becomes a mass murdering toxic avenger......really bizarre. Kansas decided life begins when the sperm hits the egg as a knee jerk to morning after. How sick. I am grateful to be in New York City. A pastors kid in California kills himself. I find out a well known actress filed for divorce on my birthday. A building collapses in Mumbai. I hope my friend over there is safe. I got some beautiful white soy candles and Indian incense yesterday at that place. The weather is warmer. I am ready.......I think.....

plan b more

I have heard stories of women in Chicago, where I am from, who were denied access to the pill by pharmacists........just unbelievable.....and couldn't get the pill.....one finally had an abortion. I personally have been lucky but that is not a reliable way of course.

Morning after plan b

what I have to say on this subject; although control over reproduction is far from the all encompassing solution to womens lives, it is of paramount importance, especially because the US is the only country in the world with a handful exceptions with no national child care or maternity leave. That is inexcusable. Also the truth about Plan B, in that I mean morning after pill, is that one can get it over the counter almost anywhere in the world without ID or a prescription except in the US.....BUT I am lucky to live in NEW YORK CITY where, as someone who has taken this pill three times, one can walk into a clinic and get it for nothing or get it at Rite Aid or Duane Reade for $40.......the catch is that I had to show ID even though I am over 16 when I went to Rite Aid and order it from the pharmacy. That is pretty humiliating. Or going to the doctor saying you need it. All this when it has been proven safe.

Plan B good news!

http://mobile.nytimes.com/2013/04/06/health/judge-orders-fda-to-make-morning-after-pill-available-over-the-counter-for-all-ages.xml

Roger Ebert

http://m.nydailynews.com/1.1307967 This hurts.....this week has been bleak. I met him when I was a child.....we used to visit mutual friends in a summer country house. My family and I of course. In Chicago. I do hope he is in a better place, and I loved their show too.

posted here by accident

http://molotovangels.blogspot.com/?m=1

I wrote some stuff on this site years ago (five!omg) not my best.....I meant this post about Jesus Malverde (I know I need the accent thing but cant find it sorry) to be on this site.......but posted on the MA by accident. But it's kinda fitting actually......

chez familia

hit the road jill and dontcha come back no more no more no more no more

must be oh to be unwanted. with just reason. nothing like the satisfsaction of punching out a person who deserves it. kaPOOM POW splat

visions part two..have I the eyes of Laura Mars?

For some re reason that crashed my phone. I am just.....well for the first time I am putting down experiences that were just in my head. I do sense something of Justin my ex who has been .....I don't know what happened to him. Or Chris. Or Saurab my former roommate. I very strongly doubt Justin is guilty of anything he is accused of. Chris and his battles.....I mean I didnt create any of this. I went through stuff in the three subsequent years that could have killed me only by a hair's grace did I get out of that. I didnt deserve that. I cant stand to see my friends hurt you know? All this shit they are dealing with.....I should not suffer for as it's not of my doing. Their personal lives and whatnot. It hurts me to think of them hurting. But they alone chose the company they keep.....and what went on between them is between them and .....point is I can't help who they are or the decisions they make. I just wish things were happier and it gets lonely here. I managed to screw in 7 light bulbs by myself but.....I admit I wish there was a man here.....that I want here. You know. Not a friend or roommate. And not married.....and I wish I could get my cable box back. It turns out its far more complicated than I thought. I was reading on St. Claire how she is the patron saint of television. I am not Catholic and am more or less agnostic now. But the saints and the rituals around them are quite fascinating to me. I noticed St. Claire was mentioned in the film Rebecca.....maybe she is symbolic for things hidden coming to light, or clarity?  I was watching some shows I got off Google play and the CBS app.....and I looked out of the corner of my eye toward my closet. Sigh.This I write after my phone crashed again! I saw....now it was dark except for my white candle.....and phone. Now yes its true I hung my black jacket which made a shadowy figure....in my head I suppose whatever. But it looked like a nun....but dark......dubious. And next to her a gremlin-like face....wrinkled, sinister.....heartless or emotion-less. I thought maybe that is St. Claire.....if so please fix my cable box?Or maybe a trickster disguised as her like the Black Swan. Maybe in my mind I understand. Emotional I am. 

visions?

But my point is I am not making light  of the environment.....I cleaned out my room washed a bunch of clothes.....carrying a huge bag of laundry to and from .....all on top of running.....feeling....... Say what you will. 

First I want to clarify on what I last wrote. I am not in any way denying the gravity of the environment crisis and go out of my way, believe me, to always recycle and like I just wrote I wash my floor at least every couple days. I don't smoke cigarettes. Not that this is environment-related but I don't even drink beer .....because its too difficult living in the.....it must have been.....birthplace of the temperence movenment New Jersey. Close enough to Newark. I have heard about extreme cult-like religious activity there. Religion is one thing. The fanatical and stalkerlike behavior of some individuals disguised as religious is another.Hey whatever works for someone I don't care. But when you persecute others for their beliefs and practices and accuse them of stuff they didn't do.....expect criticism where it's due. Anyhow.....not all of Newark or NJ  is like this. But this not Brooklyn, which I really miss, where you can walk to a bodega at 2am ....miss that too.....and buy beer, chips a sandwich whatnot. Everything closes at 11 and if you want alcohol not in a bar (and I wouldnt recommend going into bars here) you are sol screwed. Good news though is that I dont have that terrible hung over feeling when I wake and dont have the drinking face.

more on environment.....

we all smoked cigarettes at that job too.....some example us! We would go down tjhe block door to door with people telling us to fuck off then take cigarette breaks.....one night of the week was party night where we'd all go to a local bar, right near Morgans Market which is still there. I didn't have ID I remember I went to one of these places on 42nd street I was so clueless.....this woman who was the accountant told me she had never seen an ID like mine. I managed finally after a month to get paid. Then I went to Chicago to see my dad. I had been riprimanded by my supervisor for something and at least had the satisfaction of telling her I was leaving....sher just said OK and then long pause......

Chevy Chase and the environment...part two

You would have to be Mother Theresa NOT to look back on these things and think, I was young and hot a lot of men wanted me and I had tits why wasn't I making easy money......it isn't really that easy I know women and men who dance for tips it's a lot of work but still.....you could I suppose say the same for all the girls working at NYPIRG but here we were at this place. Plus I lived with my mom and it would have been hard to explain where I was going at 1130 at night not coming back til 3am.....thought they had day shifts too .....I am getting to the subject. So there was one person at this job who was a sales genius, a young, pretty good looking man named Jeff. He once made the remark that he dressed like a conservative even though he was a liberal: in a blue (a soothing color, he said; he thought of everything!) suit even in summer, even though we were out in midday walking door to door on our "turf." saving.One time at the end of our shifts I overheard someone saying Jeff managed to get $500 from Chevy Chase .....we went to various towns in Long Island and upstate. That was an exhorbitant sum.....the how the means I'm not sure but there you have it. All this came back to me as I read from a wiki article on Chase. Quite interesting and controversial his bio if I can find it perhaps I will read it. It saod he is active in environmental issues.....aside from his alleged rant with racial epithets well you know I guess like anything flawed human being but .....how did I even find this? I was looking for sketch material on you tube.

Chevy Chase and the environment

unbelievable and infuriating....my phone crashed and what I wrote got erased. So here it is again from my head.
I came across on youtube the Chevy Chase appearance on David Letterman. Speaking of which I will be SO happy to get tv finally!!!!! It was quite interesting.....I always found him funny and as a kid my family and I used to watch snl tapes all the time. David Letterman is froIndiana same as my father and his side of my family. I will save for safety. I am dying to re-visit there as soon as weather and other things permit because I have been terribly neglectful. I was remembering running through cornfields which are .....you will know when in them.....very warm and calming.....passing James Deans house as well. I am digressing so anyhow I never knew much about Chevy Chase but did a google search its an interesting story. He left NYC and snl for a girl he married then divorced.....I know people who have left situations to regret it later.....love is often a factor. What can I say? You take your chances. I am writing this all over again from scratch after I pause again to save. So.....one summer when I was 17 I took one of those godawful jobs going door to door to raise money for the environment. Considering my sales ability and knowledge of the environment at 17 (carbon monoxide, I was.....not exactly a sage after failing chemistry; this evil professor at my school took delight in my humiliation.....that jealous battleaxe) I was terrified of approaching strangers not to mention getting on their nerves......but it must be testament to something in me.....I managed to get hired and stay on the job (barely) til I left a month later. My last day was my best but there you are. saving again.The headquarters of this place were exactly one block away from where I lived but I got there late one time and was yelled at.....had a crisis which drew sympathy then we all went out for drinks even thoughwe were almost all underage. This all happened downtown in tribeca.....and the WTC was still there. Oh well we didnt have that issue.....that was goods to come. In another life. Anyhow......this was in the midsummer.....we would be sitting in traffic in the scorching sun.....this one time in the car in front of us this poor kid was sitting behind the glass in the back of a car but he handled it well....his expression how can I forget? He took it gracefully. If that had been me I would have jumped out I get horribly claustrophobic. Also this was before gps or we they rather did not have it considering money was not abundant here. One person would sit with a map to navigate.You could say at that time.....I went into that job knowing diddly squat about the environment but by the time I left I was a little expert. So. That job was hard and I hung onto it by the skin of my teeth. All at the tender age of 17. I wasted my time? Would I have been better off stripping there I said it? The strip club was right next door. Pisses me off.....I was young gorgeous I could have been getting tips I could have done so many things but maybe it's all for the better.....don't know if that would have been the right thing either. Once I turned 18 I could have gone to social services saying I was being abused and gotten an apartment. Oh, it's done. Abusing the system yes but maybe the ends justified (a biblical word) the means?

Last post (edited)

Especially considering I am from Chicago and never lived in the Valley....guess there's Death and Silicone and how many valleys? I am being really silly I am fried. I have been in this space working so many hours. I go out have nights with friends some nights and other times I am sequestered. Speaking of valley girls....when I was about ten or so my dad bought me....so crazy but informative if you ever listen to the Moon Unit Zappa song....the. Valley Girl handbook. All the expressions they used like "bag those toenails" and "gag me with a spoon" and "barf out" what are some of the others? Were outlined and defined in that book. I hope though I never was this. Not now as I am way older of course. I saw a website or book of some kind on Ali G and his expressions like "fit" "minger" "wicked" .....and what is Staines? Trying to think of the others......
I am on a no brainer maybe as I have been dealing with very heavy stuff and having to concentrate very hard. And writing out my goals. This kind of stuff can feel like interrogation especially when people interrogate you asking what you want and what are your goals? Then you tell them and they get pissed. They were I suppose wanting to hear something different. Here are some things and I am about to divulge my heart......

Go someplace warm soon Florida, LA, Colombia
Renew drivers license passport
better acting jobs (I know what you're going to say I don't want to hear it)
Better dancing jobs
Move back to brooklyn
More cats
Kids(I struggle with this. the world is overpopulated.....)
Maybe
Costumes
Write book
Get set together perform
More sp work
Cats course
Drive more
Poems performed win slams
Learn pole dance
More well paying gigs
(redacted)
Maybe warm weather isn't for everyone or california but I am so wanting to go!

There are so many great people I have met here and the park is nice but I miss brooklyn and guys friends always

hey hey plow on

sorry for my absence. had some things going on.....which leads me to the task at hand. i was so tired after running i could hardly move but knew i had to shower and so on. and wash the floor. i did the first thing. it's 3:20 am am so flat tired but feel i need to do  this for my own reasons.a lot of stuff.....fell behind.....i suppose this is a boring post. made me think of Cinderella? I would hope.....I hate floor washing. Its the worst. But it gets better after. I am I suppose OCD about at least that I do need to be organized and at least have a clean floor. Compounding the problem is my hair and what to do with it.....its all mixed up with the other stuff but I feel I can't just throw my hair away. It's a part of me.....

Rebecky rebecca

Watch "Carol Burnett Show -REBECKY Part 1" on YouTube
Love this and the original by hitchcock just watched.....!

Lion killing

http://news.yahoo.com/lion-mauling-death-dangerous-private-zoos-013620138.html. Sorry to be mia.....was a tad under the weather. I am full of puns today. These stories tear me apart.....another, sorry.....really. the one solution to this problem is a) NOT to have zoos in the firat place I am absolutely and thoroughly opposed to all animal captivity. Zoos, circuses and God forbid laboratories animals do not belong to us. It's all immoral and all I want is to break apart the bars and set these animals free not like what happened in Ohio obviously but in the environment they are from the only place and life nature intended for them. These animals are NOT pets.....snakes, lions.....sorry I am going to speak plainly. How can people be so stupid? I don't think they necessarily deserve to die. But the ONLY solution to this problem is to let these animals go. Send them back to Siberia, Africa, Australia.....is it the Western imperial mentality.....we will take this prize with us? Someone like that does deserve to get killed honestly. There was the case in Bolivia where lions forced to work in a circus....disgusting....were set free in the jungle. They were seen leaving the cages and walking back to their natural home.....and they returned to life as normal. People say they can't survive in their natural habitat....bullshit. It's only going to be more tragedies like this as long as people are ignorant. Zoos circuses laboratories such horrors are evil barbaric unethical and must all be demolished. That is my opinion.

Fellow vloggers

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=evGJlycQ0Oo&feature=youtube_gdata_player this girl is awesome....Jenny in the UK I have found so many mega cool people over there, via youtube mostly ....she is like 18 going on 85 I wish I'd had half her wisdom at that age.....

just ran in the FRIGID cold

but I feel so much better. Amazing, after what I've been through. I raced huffing and puffing to the Chinese food place  to get soup and egg rolls. I realize I soumded crazy in that post about the space heater but I need to clarify cause this is embarassing: I must have been lucid dreaming or maybe lack  of sleep induced hallucination or my imagination.....no I was not high. Just what it sounded like, you know? I am so happy to get my life back and for the people close to me their pain is my pain, if my friends are hurting I hurt. I was upset earlier cause a good friend is having problems and another went through some kind of emergency. Plus I lost money. But I feel surprisingly good now. After resting. Now I must eat......I feel like I am dropping to the floor I am so starving.....

posts

I took the last one down I thought I sounded crazy. But it seems to have gotten a huge readership. For whatever reason. I fell asleep for probably 10 hours, woke up, in the dark, alone......realizing.....I'm not, but feeling like it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0BifYPQQJE&feature=youtube_gdata_player. Assuming this is real.....the real Blair Witch! Seriously these poor people.....

Russian meteor

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sl_RknL9G-Q&feature=youtube_gdata_player. This is incredible!!!!! So beautiful. Thankfully no one was killed. What a week.....a model is shot by her boyfriend on Valentines Day. Then this. One can feel the intensity. I can. Oh and London Fashion Week.....wish I was there (tear()

You won't believe

You won't believe how amazing this is. I mean, this adds a new definition to incredible.
(My version of the line in Annie HALL "Sex with you is a very kafkaesque experience....." whatever the hell that means:
"When I have sex with you I feel like Alice in Wonderland going down the rabbit hole into the LSD trip.....kind of like when she was sitting on the mushrooms. Or like in Fantasia with the dancing brooms."



Would that be a compliment, to most?

Hey there.....thanks to those who thought of me on v day love you all! Some wacko new videos of mine:
To absent friends always. I love you too.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XILrlPLvWec&feature=youtube_gdata_player

more on Tea Party, Thomas Frank

politics is power.....from JFK......power corrupts......when has it not? I was listening to Thomas Frank speak at a bookstore in uber liberal Portland.....probably the closest thing to hell to Tea Baggers.....anyway, I have read his books and he speaks of how Republicans see thmselves as disenfranchised, persecuted minorities. I have witnessed it the tone in some of their voices like they are on the verge of crying....well, you know, democracy means the right to hold unpopular views without being attacked.  But.....get this: there are stories of conservativally minded folk being "waterboarded" and put in concentration camps I guess set up by the "liberal elite" they always talk about. Or Illuminati? Yes the limosine liberal pornographer pedophile man hating heterosexual hating baby killing feminazis and ......they dont even shave their armpits!

O in the candle?

there is a window in my white soy candle.....you can get these at places like Lifethyme and .....hippie stores......they're amazing! This one reminds me of the scene in Superman II (I used to have a thing for Christopher Reeve......where he travels to the arctic....some such place.....
I watched the Police video "Wrapped around your Finger". Pretty freaky "I will turn your face to alabaster /When you find your servant is your master" and in white candles......"Every breath you take every move you make I'll be watching you" ......other song......having experienced spying and stalking.......being watched? By whom? I can guess....back to Superman I learned from that film what a producer is as I used to stare relentlessly at the credits (Alexander Salkind)

"That 70s Art" by Laura Saiter

. Trying to stay "pure" by not watching other depictions of my creative ideas but I did catch one episode of "That 70s Show." On a somewhat related note......I was never much of a Sex Pistols fan but I am catching on to them....was inspired to listen to "Anarchy in the U.K."....as I'd been reading Thomas Frank's latest...."Pity the Billionaire" anyway....he had commented on how the Tea Party sees itself as anarchistic and punk........seriously.....

Storybook mythical of sorts

Back yard

Street view ......I Snow White vampiress....thank you sugar for the kiss......

This is my street! The snow is very pretty. It is quiet and peaceful here

Nixon....Take the Dinero and Boogie

Forgive my sloppiness my android went kaput on me for good last night....all for the best as I need a new phone. I have made some new videos and you can hear me! That may or may not be a good thing....cuz I don't like my voice. I think it's too nasal. Maybe I should do a quasi British accent like American actresses used to in the 1950s to make themselves sound more sophisticated; but I find it annoying when Americans do that. Or take it up an octave?
Anyhow......my post on Nixon was full of typos but I was trying to jot down my thoughts and watch the film. But on what I wrote of "enemies" as per mentioned in the film...Nixon I mean.......when he (Anthony Hopkins) said, "An enemy of an enemy is a friend." .......as I didn't write fully......myself I suppose I'm lucky not to have .....when I think about it do I have enemies? I can think of incidents in my life but is there a lasting hatred? Perhaps.....who though? I thought of Woody Allen (again)'s Take the Money and Run. Actually both Woody Allen and Oliver Stone went to NYU though I think Allen was thrown out? They are vastly different.....God this is getting boring! I'll get to it: I thought of the scene in TTMAR with Miss Blair (Jacquelyn Hyde) where  she  tells Allen  she thinks someone's trying to kill her and says "Why? I have no enemies?" And of course it's him......the scene....see this film if you haven' it's such a riot....where he tries to run her over in his car. I used to watch this with my former Chicago family and siblings as well as my mom....this actress was comically brilliant....just wacky and bitchy both......something.....

Hello? Retarded post but cqing

"Nixon"

this film is on......I saw it when it came out. After some research and reading I understand mmore plus I put on subtitles so I catch what is being said. I wonder if this film was put on partly because of what I wrote on the ClashWWoodward and Bernstein,well.....this is before my time. People in this film remind me of some in my own family. I wish I had known them better. Enemy of enemy is my friend? Who is an enemy of my enemy? Do I even have them?

catching up

at 6 am in jersey city there is a chopper overhead hovering the smell of something like burning rubber. I am a little better than a week ago .....I have taken the task of trying to organize and make lists and so on. I made a list of tidbits to share on my site: I will blurb this as I dont have much time. I watched, with my mom, a small bit of Cabaret......another film I watched constantly living in Chicago. Now.....had to restart this as it crashed......Ive studied German and spent time in Berlin I can see it more.....well I recognize stuff I didnt as I havent seen that film since man ages ago. I do love the style of the film.....also in the Robber Bride Zenia makes up a story of having been there.....though....hm thats tough. Is she really inventing these stories? I see in a way she kind of IS these different roles.....anyone can memorize.....this crashed again very aggravating! a story and tell it......but a story about a one dimensional jerk is not that interesting people like that are a dime a dozen you know? I just feel like there would have to be more. ok. i will save. sigh.

in Chicago

there was a brief period that was meaningful to me Im remembering now.....well I guess most of my friends there ended up in NYC like me, and Brooklyn. I lost touch with all but a couple.....at least I see his facebook posts: Jed, though I was never that close to him. Kind of ironic.Aeysha was a very good friend and unfortunately we lost contact. I have no idea what happened to her.

films

I watched Annie Hall and laughed hysterically almost choked I was eating crispie noodles. I watched this film constantly in Chicago I think its even funnier now.....so many scenes I practically memorized. This film came out 15 years before the film JFK another of my favorites of course theyre completely different.....but in....I feel like Im writing a college paper.....again its hard to type.....but when I saw JFK and even read the book on the film....honestly murder is another fascination of mine I guess Im kind of sick.....I remebered the scene with Woody Allen and Carol King (big cq I think thats her name)......polititians one notch below child molestor I love it! The thing is I thought everyone in quotes knew about Annie Hall and the murder conspiracy theories regarding the Kennedy Assassination....but......when JFK the whole discussion, which.......page after page after.....it was endless the verbiage this produced.......back and forth....... much criticism came out like it was the first time anyone had suggested that, ever. In those days "controversey" was the name of the game in the media but well I wont digress.....it all brought me back to when I was living in Chicago while in school as a teenager. That plus I listened to the Red Hot Chili Peppers for the first time in......that was really another life. It was good for a time but I really was so naive then. I remebering that I knew so little of anything but then again a lot of it was kept a secret. I had no way really of knowing. Oh yes, Controversey the name of Prince's first album?There's a Jeopardy question! I knew as a little kid cuz Dad's neighbor was a record promoter.Me the sophisticate? I dunno.....maybe it wasnt kept hidden maybe I chose to deny or disbelieve? not sure.....I apologize for the splotchy copy editing its because it is very difficult to navigate this and correct.

last wow

I was actually going to take down the last two posts but the response was overwhelming......I feel it just was.....well its how I felt at the time. Im better now, lots. ....will get back.....

so.....

I wrote that as, I started to type but my phone crashed.....I understand that unfortunately that name will always turn up and there will always be someone making the (my opnion) bad decision of naming their kid that. even if I am wrong and if I am then I am sorry. But too many times my suspicions were confirmed by outside and reliable sources. my only wish. though I love Justin and want him to be well.....part of why I AM so adamant and emotional over this.....I had made a heartfelt move, with all my heart, of moving on from the past. But her name came up (again) with some very disturbing revelations about someone I thought I trusted. Who in their right mind thinks they have the priviledge of determining anothers life or what they do or say? thats playing God. and because I sought peace but got instead this .....even sometimes a person doesnt oes not have to "do" anything and best c scenario this person was an annoying and obtrusive presence. Maybe one can be carrying a bad hangover from the past and even if its not intentional it affects .....the fallout or whatever is dangerous and t this is someone to avoid. anyway, like I said, I only want to move on. but I am going public with this only after I felt so shakably endangered again, due to what happened. Also.....god my hand is tired from typing on a handheld.....I am watching interviews with princess Diana. I never had much interest in the royal family. but she is really fascinating....not who I thought she was. I am touched in so many ways by what she says and I understand exactly of which she speaks.like I said, I was badly shaken by some things the past two weeks and scraped by a horror.....due partly to this person and some associated. Hence, why I am giving this heated testimony you read.

rain and wind

it is pretty and I am not sorry its not cold out. interesting.......my two heaters solved so many problems. I am getting over a terribly strenuous week and illness.....after having to concentrate so hard for extended periods and being driven (involuntarily) to beyond the threshold of what I could tolerate.......physically gruelling labor.....now I am friend and can hardly concentrate on anything. the house is thumping and creaking from the wind.  I have seen some troublesome things. associated with people......lets just say the sight of a certain name sends me horrific chills. never will i forget the hell I went through due to deliberate actions. I am grateful for her absence blissfully. I will speak frankly.....hate is not a nice word. But I never want to see that name again. Sorry but I discriminate against anyone with the same name. Get away from me and stay away if your name is.....what this person did was horribly malicious and inexcusable. To do that to an innocent person can never be excused, ever. I never want to see that name again, I will say it, I hate that name nd justifiably, and I never want to see it again. I am tired of seeing it. I am tired of both of the situation as I have moved on with my life, or maybe it was because I had moved on they stepped up their aggression. That Justin continues to be in denial and stay in their company saddens me. For four years he did nothing about it and dismissed my complaints. and he wonders why I got weary of this thing, finally. I could have done so many things, gone so many places. word for the wise.

hair, make up changes

thinking about maybe going super platuinum with my hair.....havent done that in a very long time. I think the subtle, classicly feminine look of the early century is being replaced by bold colors, red lips again......thank god cause I was gettng bored to insanity with the minimalist stuff. just not my style.....maybe cause Im a leo with aquarius in my chart Im all about the big drama .....or my generation? post punk 90s heavy eyeliner "punched in the eye" (pixiwoo) just-overdosed-on-heroin-stepped-out-of-a-morgue......look. I kind of like that look in men, too.

christmas review

yes it has been a month but the gifts I got have all been a blessing and really helped.....wish i could post photos on this site but there is some stupid glitch and i cant.....so I will tell you all. I love my space heaters (two of them, one a gift from Sonny) they are keeping me from getting ill. they are the only heat in this place but they do the job and save me. Also the very nice earmuffs and gloves mom got me, and the pjs my dear step aunt Dawn got me are so warm and cozy.....perfect for when I get up and the floor is cold the hallway is arctic......its not....Chicago is colder not so much thew temperature but the wind comes in from Canada and stabs you with icicles.....the wind is quite harsh but the earmuffs work miracles! that and a down coat my friend gave me god bless him ......and put on the flannels going to the store or running I barely feel this frigid insane cold. I am nice and toasty. the cold is supposed to abate I think thats the word? Get warmer I mean. I have been training running dance shower then practice then need another shower......dance is work. I go to the park and run in the jammies and they are flannel and I barely feel the cold? its very hard to navigate on my phone ipod so I listened to the 12 inch stones version of "miss you" five times 8 mins each = approximately 40 mins.......

oh yes back to the klf jams......a poem of theirs says "a light that will anoint thee, a sign from the subconscious, an angel sent to guide me.....last train to trancentral....."I have neglected poetry just been so busy with stuff.....other stuff.....but I swear its coming....and I am a genius so it will be spectacular I promise.......in this show they talked about annointing

yes now i remember

what led me to reading the book of Matthew was the Judgement tarot featuring Gabriel the Archangel.....who tells Mary she will conceive. He is associated with barren women who want to be fertile.....that sounds a little better to me. anyway.....I also got the Star. that confuses me.......I had been getting the Devil before that. I am all over the place with this......but .....? I need to think on this.....as I am again typing from a handheld.I wish to state I am not Catholic or religious but I do read Tarot.....have since childhood.

more Bible

so I was reading the book of Matthew for inspiration on something.....or I turned to it....."immaculate conception"...um....not what I had in mind.....kind of the opposite.....then it went on to say that Joseph "not wanting to make a public example of her....." I laughed so hasrd at this......guess one can't ever have any fun, huh?    pretty racy stuff.......it's in there.

fear initiation?

"i know the bottom, i know it with my great tap root," Sylvia Plath    a sign at the Pit said "follow the fear" I listened to a radio show speaking of initiation.......a quote from the Bible they mentioned was "tarry ye in the city of Jerusalem" from Luke....something like "endued with spirit" ....this is so fascinating......I have been briefly in Jerusalem.....I hardly felt endued with anything though I did see the Western Wall. It was a harrowing experience and I was interrogated annoyingly for hours by guards getting across the border and on a plane. I was never so fucking happy to get on a plane OUT if anywhere in my life! And I went through some horrible stuff after I returned......but......well I lived first of all. In no eway, naive and inexperienced though I was, did I deserve what happened. But a calling? something life changing like the cards said......got the archangel Gabriel that I know little about. Where am I going with this? I had a dream the bathtub overflowed and I flooded the apartment and last night I dreamt of an actress and cookoing........jotting down to make sense of later.......

truth light

truth light light is .....rarely is beauty truth. That's an absurd expression. Probably most beauty is deceptive?  Truth can get you killed also. But I cant live without it. I need to know the facts.....what is really happening. I deserve that right. We all do.

please dont misunderstand

I realize some clarification is needed.....there were good things happening as well which I am thankful for. I sound so moribund here dont mean to be. But.....how do I say this? I ......some things I cant go into. Thank god for quiet. Is all I can say for now.

back!

hey there folks.....trying to see if this works. sorry to be mia.....i had been feeling under the weather and took some rest.I am better now. this week has been really not good. it could have been worse.....personal issues. but on the up side i am on the threshold of change.....a lot of that. I can't wait for that because it is needed. I worked really hard to put new material together and in the midst of so much storm I have to remember what matters most to me and what i want. I made mistakes and I am sorry for that.  But now  its......what can I say? Anyhow......among other things new vlog channel if you havent seen it lauraalta on youtube. I will fix the sound yes. you can find me on twitter too lauralauras........will get back soon. I stayed in tonight and I am very upset about something. I had an instinct telling me going out was not a good idea. Also......cannot deal with being stuck in the city all night.

unhappy new years.....lets hope it gets better

happy new year! 

ok....I have to sadly say I got the paper this morning to read that in nyc three people all under age 20, one an 11 year old boy, were killed yesterday. Boy sometimes you just have that bad feeling. I've been through some stuff in my life but it goes to show it could always be worse. in one instance, talk about fatal attraction! a guy murdered his ex girlfriend,  19 years old.....then killed himself. this with a knife. no guns.  I guess it goes without saying the worst thing a person could do, there is some motherfucker out there to do them. To deprive someone of life.....it tears me up to think about it.......one thing if this person is a bastard sob but a little kid? it's beyond what I can imagine. or a 19 year old girl.....insane is insane.....but how long can people be let off the hook for that? at some point one has to take responsibility but ......oh. that such people exist in the world. thats humans, you know? they are out there.....