oh lovelies

Friday, January 29, 2016

Columbus, Ohio age five?

My memories of Columbus are foggy since I was a child but there was my friend Kristin whose mother worked for Hustler magazine, a field with an antenna-like water tower looking into.....whatever was outside the apartment complex we lived in. In that place though I had experiences  Ive never had anywhere else.....the things I saw, the people I encountered, a hippie in the playground who gave me a piece of gum my mother telling me never take candy from strangers. Maybe this gum was laced with something I guess I'll never know but the things I saw I mean Willy Wonka no way yes it was but twisted like a fun house mirror or pcp meets Twilight Zone and LSD and the Dark Forest (Freudian)....three  monsters or something (the Way by Fastball, I associate this song with "Road Opening" more like the walls shot out with the force of a cork from a champagne bottle, not a painless thing) heads like alligators or crocodiles not sure the difference, like an ancient Egyptian god, Anubis, maybe? I would see those turning suddenly, sometimes just the head, on a table, in the.closet, staring at me.....these three beckoning me to.come with them, I ran out tried to get to my mother's room but her door was locked, one of the cats came up to me I think, we had two darling cats, Ankh and Freedom, I think this hippie family next door gave us them. Poor Freedom got trapped in the wall some mf put a block in front of the hole he was trying to get out of, why on earth do cats do that, crawl between walls and floorboards, maybe hunting mice? This makes my heart ache thinking of this but.....I heard these whatever they were growling or grunting, they were calling me, a tiger, yes literally when I went downstairs to the living room. Maybe children are more receptive but after we left that place I never saw these things again. I saw that same crocodile whatever head this an actual art project at Hunter in the basement of the North Building. Honestly, there is a weird guy that works down there.....but another time for that. I recently watched a video by Ke$ha "C'mon" the imagery, the lyrics, a little juvenile but .....I was in over my head at age six with something so sophisticated and esoteric and from the other side of the earth but there I was.....eventually I did travel to Egypt, then Israel. My father was horrified at my going and tried to stop me knowing the risks but I was unstoppable as a bullet I had to go. It's safe for the most part but with no guarantees I passed through Taba in Egypt which had been bombed recently and then witnessed a scare in Jerusalem I don't know why I move into hairy situations like this case in point going with a friend to an anti war protest in Chicago to find a few days later my phone was tapped and my friends because of? My "association" with one of the I suppose ringleaders of this that being I met him once, he was dating a friend of a friend of mine, and he had called me crazy because I had a meltdown in the middle.if my friend's father's play (you flip out at my dad's play) then Italian food later which is #1 in NYC I 

suppose Chicago, too.

What I saw Click Here

pic below from this site 

Johan Grenier   Johan Grenier (click link left)   is the artist

Death and the underworld have been calling me since.....since always. Why me? I don't know. So yes Anubis visted me when I was about five and I had not made any decision to become pagan or anything I don't know what other explanation you know that's what I saw. You can snort all you want. Even though it scared the shit out of me at the time and I saw him, or just his head sometimes, everywhere, I guess this is not uncommon he's visited other people. Shortly thereafter, we moved to Evanston. ? Age five yes this looks pretty accurate, pretty sure it was him. Come with me.....that's why I .....I won't go into it now.
.....I will speak my piece elsewhere now is not the time to get nasty.....I am referencing the artist, Johan Grenier,  above.

Thursday, January 28, 2016

Vivien Leigh and Clark Gable behind the scenes

VL one of the most gorgeous women that ever lived. Clark Gable I just read was part African and American Indian, as well as German, and to his good, spoke against discrimination on the set, saying without equality there will be no Rhett Butler. 

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Dreams more

My sister her friends dressed like cowgirls house in country always same house. A lake, hill, I go down the hill to meet a guy, in the lake I mean take boat across the lake. His house is there. He is AkDt.
Everyone is partying, my sister and her friends, but I can't because I have to study for a math class. AkDt is supposed to help but I get lost from his place.
I dream about this house by a hill next to a lake all the time.
And a family of cats. Happy one. I dream constantly of cats too.

Sunday, January 24, 2016

Dreams of jewelry

Tables full beautiful otherworldly stuff but didnt know what to do with it which to sacrifice which to keep. Ancient greek theater

Saturday, January 23, 2016

Susan Denise Atkins Whitehouse

Yes, THAT Susan Atkins, former "Manson Girl" she was not what she was hyped up to be. Read "Child of Satan, Child of God" listen to her side of the story she was if not innocent at least IMO not guilty, not a murderess. The technical part of this has been debated many times over; truly she, Pat and Leslie were victims too and not evil or dangerous.....but let this be a warning about cults, wolves in sheep's clothing especially anyone who wants to isolate you and drill drivel into your head, then flood you with LSD which puts your mind in a different place, but not a clear or logical one.
She was really a great woman, a bold statement but I believe so, tragically misunderstood.

"No more babies" scene Gone With the Wind

In my ignorance having watched this film infinite times and read the book infinite times (I was one of those gwtw groupies) relating this story of a Southern girl ca. 1861 to me, a Yankee girl in NYC, Chicago, Indianapolis and Detroit the  cities I spent my time in most  growing up in the 1980s 1990s,  I in my mind assumed there was then some form of birth control.....did not understand the full meaning of no more children or "real intimacy" "fumbling awkwardness" ..... "you may keep your chastity, Scarlett" (sanctity in the film).....why her not wanting children was this huge thing. Scarlett's mother Ellen tells her "marriage must be borne with fortitude." Reading about the Amanda Blackburn case and listening to Davey's sermons put this in perspective after it made me remember reading this....."you should serve your husband by participating wholeheartedly in sex even when you're not in the mood" .....there is such a thing as marital rape yeah .....I briefly dated a guy who had just graduated from Columbia U. Law School   who claimed, bizarrely, never to have heard of it wonder if that was part of the test (the bar) he was studying for hope I corrected him in time. He actually told me he thought it was the husband's right..... I said to him you must be joking. This is why there was a women's movement and why I am thankful to be in NYC.

Awesome Venus

The Planets - Venus by InertiaK on @DeviantArt http://inertiak.deviantart.com/art/The-Planets-Venus-112999405

Thursday, January 14, 2016


I was taking these long before they had a name.....

more photos, Christmas


I've been having some very vivid ones, blackbirds.....looking them up was pretty eerie. Nicolas Cage not sure the meaning but I was in a park, with hills and  a lake, actually looked like where my father lived he had a park with hills and a pond, there were cats in and out of the water, some of them alive but floating or swimming.....the sound of a chopper over head, all of them, the birds, facing the same direction, left, waiting for something. 

Here are some photos taken over the past couple months

When I looked at the stats on my blog they said 13 13 13 13 13 bizarre, right?