oh lovelies

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

me.....this winter I think......thereabouts

Back in Jersey. Not there any more

found this site


full of odds and ends from a different era.

People always say "it's different now" or "it was better then." Maybe they/we/whoever are only remembering the good and not the bad. I remember the better things before the not-so-good things. myself. But there's something for every time. so carpe diem. You miss it, it's gone. I learned that much.

1970s teens

Two girls Brooklyn ca. 1974 by Danny Lyon  Bushwick in the then 1974 (amazing site and more on the photograper!)

 B and W photo Jill Freedman

 Blonde is Martha Moxley, murder victim 

 I love looking at ..... I hate to say "old" at one time they were "new" but ......photos from the past. And in general. Not slicked up airbrushed ones but those that show the real people and settings. That's what inspired me to take a bunch of pictures today......and the documentary on Jodi Arias I watched where she talks about photography. So true. I enjoy being behind the camera .....being in front has its moments but it's very jarring too.

 "I watch the ripples change their size 
But never leave the stream 
Of warm impermanence and 
So the days float through my eyes 
But still the days seem the same"

  Lyrics by David Bowie

Subway rock

42nd st grand central

Subway another

This woman intrigued me


Girl on the left upset over something.

Park riverdale


Monday, August 26, 2013

I wrote some brilliant tweets

Check out @lauramsaiter's Tweet: https://twitter.com/lauramsaiter/status/372206129964912640

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Stalker is J's ex and she is attacking me and interfering in my relationships

Her aggression and malice toward me is breathtaking ......due to the fact that she is obsessed with Justin who wanted to marry me. She directly viciously divided me and J and is.....due to her hateful, cruel nature.....out of sheer malice.....attempting to do the same in a current relationship. I have been very unfortunate to step into a situation she is in. People who attempt to backstab think I don't know.......if they had any courage thy would confront me and the others they harm directly. They are not powerful or smart or courageous. who is anybody to interfere in anybody's relationship or career? Not only is it against the law (look it up) well there are the Pretenders "they'll fall to ruin one day/for making us part"........psalm 37 "their sword shall enter their oen heart/their bows shall be broken" I don't want to write her name.....I to my....saw her name this morning saw it and a bad sign.....I nearly vomited. She is a horrible person and mt whole life I have had to deal with people like her. People who....entitled? Somehow feel they have a right to do this. They do not have a right. She also caused problems where I was living and where I performed. Who is anybody to do that? Hoe could anybody? But such people exist. Someone else hacked into my email and I cant go too much into details sent photos of me to family members. I don't think it was her but it was somebody......invasion of privacy? Yes. Also illegal. I am targeted and what you read in the mainstream news about the spying that does not begin to describe what is happening.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Three reversed coins

Third-party interference? I have said three's a crowd I am not doing the kinky thing.....Late Pruncess Diana......I adore her......said "There were three of us in this marriage, so it was a bit crowded." I do know that feeling. Or maybe I AM third party interference. "Und der cherub steht vor Gott" Margaret Atwood's character Xenia.....whom I can empathize with.....I have never considered myself a siren or a temptress.....I am not. But what she goes through I can relate to. She was described by one reader as "Iago in a miniskirt." I kinda like that. Stealing one's partner....no one has that kind of power over another. I heard of a hoodoo spell where the girl takes a guy's semen and binds it with a cord to keep him faithful. Nine times that's three squared or 3x3. Three is a nasty number. But.....I remember what I went through with Brendan among others and that up and down torture......and then Justin there I said it. And.....oh there were others. Just promise me at least you won't get fat.....I banged my head against a wall for years and poured my heart......and for what? I don't want three ever again. I found three pennies all upside down three is off balance and a ......triangle? Amy Winehouse joked about not being molded into a triangle and much has been made of it.....whether or not there was a hidden meaning .....I grew up in Tribeca JFK Jr was with two women when.....once when I was a teenager I was with thus guy and his girlfriend walked in. She was screaming that she was going to kill me and I thought she was too.....I went into fight or flight I chose to be "big bad and mean" Charles Mansons advice......so she'd think I was crazy and dangerous and would leave me alone. She screamed at me to get out I was shaking so hard I almost convulsed....shaking hell by Sonic Youth?

Wednesday, August 21, 2013


I think slippery elm is the "stfu" as Dr. E said herb......Emmaline Pankhurst said "you have to make more noise than anybody else. You have to fill the papers more than anybody else.....if you want ti get your reform realized." There was gossip going back to cavepeople told around a campfire or like the Greek chorus.....people in your business......."better her than me....."

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Lately obsessed with Don Henley Eagles

"Dirty little secrets/dirty little lies/ got our dirty little fingers/in everybody's pie"

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Keep repeating

But it keeps happening: Hitler said the bigger the lie the more people will believe it. This may be the biggest lie ever told. Ever. This one is monumental upon monolithic upon gargantuan .....bigger than the former world trade center sears tower mount Everest grand canyon and.....what else? Combined. It's its own planet.
Glad dir the truth which according to greek myth is always Slippery and elusive. Glass $lipper for Cindy! Tra la la waltz right in......freedom is terrifying. But beautiful. Those who fight the truth fight like one would never have dreamed possible.....but I am thankful for it. Emotions can be weapons and deadly. You can break a person down by breaking their heart harder and faster than a bullet. Those who would are the lowest and the worst of humanity. Humans are evil! It's in our DNA. But the truth came out and my self esteem is saved and restored. I had always thought I had failed. I was bad or wrong. But I am not. No one is. But the lie prevailed and I was damned over and over again. Truth comes out sets one free but truth can get you killed. One crusade?

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Love the smell and feel of air dried clothes

The weather is nice and I love it by the beach. I can hang my clothes on the line and I did...my purse glitter gloves dress ect ....I can't sleep because my housemate left out something garlicky it reeks they say garlic repels vampires that's me I guess.....and mosquitos. Overall the people are nice the girl here and her guy are cool......the lady upstairs very sweet.

Ok it was this woman upstairs

Very sweet older....who lit them. I am bleary eyed and incredulous .....have to forget and remember......how much there is to life and what doesn't kill a person can be fodder for art. I have to remember how much more there is... I don't accept what I can't control but I live I deal in spite of. That the future is unknown and that which is ......there are so many possibilities .. .I have been reached out to by those who were before miles many separated. But I have my own obligations and it thoroughly tires me but must be done,.........reading about the JFK Jr. Stuff and crash......wow......fascinating


? Well they're pretty. Shrug


I came out of my room and there were two white candles lit.....I didn't light them neither did my housemates the doors are locked. They didn't light themselves. Someone did this. ????? They thought I lit them I didn't.....


In light of what happened with Cory Monteith I am joking but I suppose the timing is bad. I am profoundly sorry for what happened to him and that could have really been, well, a lot of us. But.......sigh.....one feels what one does. It .....


Could be this person's more of a drug addict than you it wasn't personal?

In finishing that last

Bisexual dope fiend.....it occurred to me that could be anyone in Los Angeles. Am I on the wrong coast? ??
I don't really want that.
James Woods is one of my favorite tweeeters although I don't share his political perspective he writes funny imtelligent and thoughtful stuff. He once said something to the effect of "Everyone in Hollywood wants the BBD bigger better deal. I have to check the box office listing every time I go to a party to make sure I'm not getting a divorce that night." Well. Hm. I love NYC and don't intend to leave......there is truly now as ever an overflow of creativity here everything art music maybe more than ever. No reason to leave. BUT. There is the world too. Summer is short and its not all a vacation. I am pressured to cram a lot into a short time. So. So. Next?

Found a play by David Mamet

Last morning. A hippie guy with a sweet black cat was selling it. I wad never really into his work but figured what the hell bought it for a dollar. The Cherry Orchard. All about people all over the place in love. The same theme.....not with the one. I was laughing that I am picky and have to find the one as wrong as possible and I haven't found anyone wrong enough yet. Vanilla? Nope. Cinnamon . My ex boyfriend once told me I like men who look like all they do is smoke. Bisexual dope addict?

Brighton morning (couple meanings)

Friday, August 16, 2013


Night was chilly. My friends are hurting that hurts me. Egypt having......major problems. People here don't see how most people everywhere are good and not really different from them. But things happen. Kennedy's plane crashed over .....I went to a wedding once at Martha's Vineyard. It was quaint and pretty but understated. I had started to write about my experience in Cape Cod. Another esaay for that.....point being I suppose I ......you think ............ will be a solution but I am just reliving the nightmare because I have to shake off the ugliness.....in hoodoo it's called crossed conditions. In my family we are kings and queens of that. Black plastic frames same brown eyes hippie hair he reminded me of my uncle Pat. His expression was......in this photo......somewhere between a frown and a wince...a telling look like they're about to drop something unpleasant on someone .....like break up. Was that a sign? J had that same expression in the camping pictures.. .the trip he took with Leila.....unbeknownst to me the girl he made out with that Wednesday the 25th of June the day Michael Jackson died. Horrors! Horrors! Horrors! Nothing is worse, nothing nothing. There's. A div. In here......that last place in JC after lady good work the window cracked into a triangle. I am in this same position always finally to be discarded read about Lamars mistress I feel for her situation. She went to U if M same as my mom. I have been in her shoes. Its a terrible thing what he is doing to his wife.....but .....he said he can't leave because .......because he won't? Whatever. In Calabasas California Michael Jackson died and across country.....first at Bowery and Houston them somewhere in the Hudson Valley J made out with another girl while I was working I get this dropped on me thanks a lot. Then subsequently went camping. I could only........but while he and I were walking together later. After tears shed (mine) candles lit (one catching on fire next to the Madonna (hm) and a message "you are in great danger." Indeed. J didn't even remember Leila's name or her ethnicity. I corrected him. "She was what Italian?" I believe she was Serbian. He also got her name wrong. Everything hung on his behavior and decisions. I was terrible. I did something terrible. I felt guilty. I was remorseful.....but I don't want to know or see this person. I don't want to see that. I don't. Want to cause .....hit me like a cannon and only by a miracle didn't kill me. I wanted death. I planned my death. Twice. And I deserve a happy summer. I believe ........death is everywhere past is prologue. I feel death feel chills when someone is dying.........

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Freaky signs

Maybe I am overblowing it. But I doubt it. There are some very deranged people who have bad intent toward me. It is terrifying.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Subway stalker?

A woman on the f train to Bklyn.....Spanish lady.....was sitting near me and giving me this fixating stare of hatred. She would not stop staring at me. Very rude. This has happened to me other times with other people. Why would ....
I don't know this woman I have never done anything to her, ever. Her or......any of them . Ever. What is it with people who want to gurt someone who never did anything to them? She stormed off the train with this angry look on her face. I know her type exactly. Abusers are above all arrogant unapologetic and their wrath and vindictiveness is unending. I will never understand or accept it.

Monday, August 12, 2013


Check out @lauramsaiter's Tweet: https://twitter.com/lauramsaiter/status/366748994573049858

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Sorry I am

Jotting down these things as they come a little disjointed ......I don't claim to like everyone. Rather....it's not about like or dislike. Most people are just human, with good and bad (quote unquote) qualities. I would be lying if I said I don't get jealous catty angry but.....it's not right you know and.....there are those who go too far in attacking others writing.....taking extremely personal jabs at someone regardless that is not ok. I don't want to be that. Anyone can say anything it's washroom graffiti in cyberspace. Technology will improve but humans are humans.
But what I am talking about goes beyond a simple dislike of a person or I believe in "hate the sin love the sinner" not because I am religious I just mean in terms of behavior. I am sorry if I ever damaged anyone unnecessarily...
But others have done that multiplied practically infinitely. Jodi Arias is American but she wad not let off the hook as I have seen suggested about American women....are we really so spoiled, hysterical, irresponsible because feminism made us think we can do what we want? That is not true and perhaps Italians saw Amanda Knox that way. I have also studied abroad and for whatever reason I have never encountered so much anti Americanism......to the level of shrill piercing outrage.....and this from young people too......as I did studying on London. I haven't been everywhere but I have been a few places and this is what I experienced. I never saw anything like it in France, Egypt....Germany it's hard to fathom. These people thought all we did was watch TV and we lived like the characters on Dynasty. I can only laugh at this because there are always people who fit a stereotype but of course it's untrue most of the time. Or maybe I am the exception. I don't live that way. I doubt that's true either. "Dumb Americans" but AK was neither dumb nor spoiled JA either.

Thursday, August 08, 2013

email hacked

somehow obscene pictures of me have circulated via email to people I know and family. I cannot imagine the level of sickness of someone who would do this.......the lowest life form there is and one I have no interest in knowing. Google plus? Pinterest? I never signed onto these things. Ever. Sick. Horribly sick. Possibly there is a severely disturbed individual out there who takes offense to some things I write. Too fucking bad. It's a free country and it's my right to express an opinion.

Tuesday, August 06, 2013

Ran for an hour. My god. It was dark at first.....nice and quiet but gross. This was by the river......west side, on the bike path. I kept thinking if all the awful stuff that has happened to mostly female runners at hours like this. But no one approached me. It was well lit, police cars drove by, there were late night revelers and couples and people walking their dogs. I am grateful to be in the city when it's somewhat safr but of course there is no guarantee. Things happen it has nothing to do with who you are just such the world. I was thinking about the murder of that poor girl Meredith Kercher in Italy how she liked quiet time to herself and mysteries.....yeah the irony is chilling. I....know obviously it is self serving to say this and of course when I say that could have been me it naturally could have been anyone in my situation like in Jersey City when I was alone in that house. It was a safe area but all it takes is one mf with bad intentions.....and many people there had that toward me it seemed. And likewise had I been in Amanda Knox's shoes probably the same would have happened to me. I could only imagine if they found my private writings. I know what it is to have inflammatory aspersions put on you. By female police officers.
I watched an episode of TZ last night guess I will watch the rest this am.....I am on W4th wolfed down an omelette with cottage cheese and shredded fries madly craving carbs I guess. I bought star magazine and will ....well needed for the train. Regular news didn't peak my interest.....

Monday, August 05, 2013


Times respect speaks louder than love. But if someone doesn't respect you can they really love you? Saw three names that shook me up and frightened. Me. Saw a man walking around Brooklyn completely naked. It was night. After being at a friends house coming home .....I have never in my life seen anything like that even growing up in the city. Even in greenwich Village. Hear me roar. Roar?

Sunday, August 04, 2013


I dreamt jrm was being taught a move and I laughed I thought he said fuck you. Then he asked to borrow my phone. Then I was in a house two separate rooms a guy was staying don't remember the details but I said a woman was helping him decorate she was in there fixing up the room turned out this woman had been dead for many years. Her ghost was in the room. In the closet. I was going to introduce her to him bit she was a ghost......I opened the closet to find her she was there.....hollow wide eyed.....