oh lovelies

Sunday, December 28, 2014


Is sad and frustrating how many lies are out there and they are legion.....I mean go on.....well.....there is a reason why people say do your research.

Friday, December 26, 2014

war and peace...... voyna i mir

Pin War And Peace Colorful Wallpapers on Pinterest

Blanche will have her mentally ill revenge on Stanley

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5MQzc6SQk_EI've always found this play (and role) depressing but this does it for me.....flip the male/female roles......Woody Allen as Blanche awesome. In my view, she should be wearing red as per directions from Tennessee Williams. 

 Stanley and friends above

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

I am a genius with all respect to John Lennon

Genius is pain. See, I cite my sources no offense some of you could learn from this. But I know exactly of which he speaks. As for my own stuff oh yes I went through hell it was horrible but I cry at the result cuz it's amazing I am a genius I have had help yeah it takes a village but I am..........I played Mrs. Pilate at St. Michael's seeing the film made me think of the Occupy Wall St. movement and so many.....I am sorry about police officers being shot and yes it is wrong but it also does not cancel out or discredit that too much power has corrupted here in America and elsewhere and certain ones took advantage of having an advantage to rape and kill for no good reason other than that people such as me spoke, completely legally, of wrongdoings and.....I don't want to say "evil" I understand it's all relevant.....but police and others whose job it is to stop crime in America acted immorally and injudiciously and without excuse. The reason being selfish greed none other. So I don't like to say this and I feel sometimes it's not my job to control this but what can I do but ......it just has to be said.

Feliz navidad oh la la sexie sadist

Monday, December 22, 2014

Dreams snow running and going stir crazy soon......cabin fever?

I see some stuff and .....oh.....yeah. had such bizarre dreams of people I know of that place knives love letters emails McDs even.....oh.....I know how.....o 

Sunday, December 21, 2014

Askagangsta message to Kim Jong


The Bible amazing film

I have read and heard the stories and seen the earlier films......this is to me the best dramatization I've seen very beautifully made .    The actor playing Jesus is hot Portuguese British...... I am still pretty fried after such a harrowing day plus work yesterday.....

Saturday, December 20, 2014

super tired and wired

Shakespeare wrote a sonnet about this......read it in high school.  Boy I have been an errant daughter with regards to poetry just don't read it like I used to.

By William Shakespeare

Weary with toil, I haste me to my bed,
The dear respose for limbs with travel tired,
But then begins a journey in my head
To work my mind, when body's work's expired.
For then my thoughts (from far where I abide)
Intend a zealous pilgrimage to thee,
And keep my drooping eyelids open wide,
Looking on darkness which the blind do see.
Save that my soul's imaginary sight
Presents thy shadow to my sightless view,
Which like a jewel (hung in ghastly night)
Makes black night beauteous, and her old face new.
Lo thus by day my limbs, by night my mind,
For thee, and for my self, no quiet find.

It seems everyone back then wrote beautifully, even those who were not professional writers.

I actually wrote several pages just earlier today I just sat down and poured out my thoughts on so much like what I went through a year ago and dubious actions of people which ended up hurting me.....it's so hard for me to focus but I am reading mostly off the internet. How the police had let me down in my crisis with Ted did not make a report nor did they take my complaint seriously even though it was actually valid. Not to mention a so-called victims advocate organization whose response was questionable. Because so many people are targeted and terrorized with very little understanding or knowledge of what is happening very little defense or support.....given that these are out of the range of most people's everyday experiences or else ..... For me, being blissfully ignorant was never an option. But due to failure on those who were supposed to be helping me to follow through with what I told them or write anything down or give me anything that would have helped my case I was not able to get many of the things I am legally entitled to or a restraining order and this madman is still free and will continue to hurt people. It turns out there is and has been a rampant epidemic of domestic violence in law enforcement around the world I would say that explains a few things given one officer's hostility to me and protesting too much what I had to tell them. Sadly the report on Ted from the site ReportYourEx is gone as well. The stuff that was said I can tell you is absolutely true and though there are women who "cry rape" and make up stories about their ex out of a personal vendetta it's an ugly, painful business divulging personal harrowing affairs partly due to the likelihood that you won't be believed and you'll be dumped in the "nuts and sluts" ghetto of accusers who to some's way of thinking brought an attack upon themselves somehow or are so mentally defective that nothing they say is believable and they are incapable of remembering anything that happens to them. But when you are confronted with a person's hostility, anger and attacks toward you personally, no matter how ludicrous and untrue.....you are psychologically wounded, shocked and confused. It's very scary. Therein lies the answer as I have no reason to unnecessarily put myself through something like that. There is an article on "Psychological Terrorism" in which among other things your feelings and the things you say are subtly denied or ignored or twisted and you are subtly made out to be a dangerous, or bad person; yet this is by someone with an advantage over you and power in a situation.....this person is manipulating both your guilt and fear. So this cop who got in my face and yelled at me when I am the one who called them and tried to make me look like the bad one.....interrupted and belittled me is likely who knows what but given what I discovered there is such rampant domestic abuse among our world's finest and I mean the real thing when I say that.....one continuous harrowing tale after another it all falls into the Horrible Shit category and is seemingly endless. So.....don't expect a lot of, if any, help from them. I hear protests from some people that "not all cops are bad" I know great.....so to those be a shining example to your comrades in blue.

Sunday, December 14, 2014

Rite Aid Vegas Florida

Rite Aid rocks it whoever invented Vegas Fuel is a genius this stuff and Red Bull (ESP. The $5 huge tanks) Monster gives you a morning jolt awesome ...  VF is only $1.69 @ RA. One of the high points of living in Riverdale was the 24 hour store the cashier girl there is a real sweetheart. It was located on the highway crossroads the FUCK out of there symbolically.....sorry( There are some great people there and it's very pretty but well I won't start. Sorry to use foul language to those who are sensitive but I'm a New Yorker it's difficult not to.

Tuesday, December 09, 2014

Manufacturers makeup and ect

So I was reading a very interesting article on the history of "hoodoo" products as well as make up of the 1930s and how  manufacturers how in America all these different cultures or "diasporic religions" meshed together like African, European and Jewish American......traditions and practices .....it's a lot of information......anyhow in particular was an example of hair pressing oil aimed at African American woman how it said on the package "krimpy, bad hair" this was the thirties and the slicked down look was in.....but I have curly, kinky hair and am of Irish, English, German probably some middle Eastern descent. Anyway I never thought about the man or woman behind the curtain making and selling the stuff I buy. Distribution obviously the stuff does not transport itself to all the drug stores in the world.
So last night I bought makeup as I had none a lot of wet and wild. I looked up the company Markwins Products.....they are international but the American end is in California. For some reason these productsare far more expensive in the UK than here. I saw something on their site called Monster High some such.....one of their makeup kits is called Draculaura.  I am not in high school and for me to wear this stuff would look very eccentric.....


Sunday, November 30, 2014

Sitcoms are creepy

Maybe my .....I had a nightmare about tf that he was chasing me around the apartment.....another dream last night. Someone else......I saw his eyes they were unrecognizable. It was like something had taken over his body. It was him but it wasn't. His eyes, his eyes.....I saw those same eyes.....piercing, emotionless, wild disturbed......when I was seven years old this gang of kids guys were pushing me helter skelter around a swing......in Evanston. Sitcoms creep the fuck out of me. You know that sickly sweet feeling you get in your stomach kind of like devil clowns or the three stooges.....or silent movies where everything is insane flipped upside down. Plus tf liked to watch them.

Sunday, November 23, 2014

scorpio rising......

don't fucking fuck with me bitches!!!!!!



saw this ......Natural Born Killers......90s hipsters gone skewed

in the theaters......kind of like a 2 hour bad trip.....but brilliant. Visually......kind of trance-like. How serial killers become celebrities. Sad, you know, sick actually. But true. What's that site feloncrush# hashtag something or other.......

how did I?

Indeed. But no accident either. I dug my way out......but no it doesn't have to be......you're confronted with your worst fears because, why? A test of some kind.....

serial killers RIchard Speck 1966 "Day I was born, all hell broke loose the next day"

By Roy Lichtenstein

I was researching Richard Speck, a homegrown serial killer from a small town in Illinois. That quote is his, as he was born December 6, 1941 the day before the Pearl Harbor attacks.  I wasn't around at the time of the murders in 1966 but have known people tied to the case, one of them had been a reporter then sent to write about the crime. Even the top ten songs of the time were telling: Paint it Black, Black is Black I want my baby back.....this person, a writer assigned to the crime, was pretty devastated after seeing the scene.....I wonder why they sent the media to something like this usually that doesn't happen. Not to my knowledge.Watching the documentaries I recognize the .....well, Chicago. The churches that are built with a different kind of rock than those of the East Coast or Europe.....like more of a sandy color. That flatness of the midwest, the sky that is unnatural Easter Egg blue, the sun that is overwhelming and blinding, unshaded by mountains or tall trees, endless fields .....in spring it's bright and colorful but you step outside and it's chilling and windy. So anyway.....I wasn't going to say anything ........ and I won't. This happened during a Chicago summer and July is the hottest month. I think the news broke about this crime on July 17 which is PJ Soles' (the other "scream queen" from Carrie, Halloween) birthday
It can be stunning when suddenly the things that you read about in the news or internet, what have you, suddenly touch you in your life. It's someone you know, or you nearly who are a victim. Amanda Knox said that prior to what happened in Perugia (which sounds kind of like Peoria, where Speck's trial was and also Betty Friedan's home town) my mind is going a mile a minute......"I thought tragedy was something that happened on TV." When it finally touches you personally and you see how it happens to anyone, it doesn't discriminate......someone you have a personal connection to has done horrible stuff unbeknownst to you, or someone you know was a victim or it was nearly you.....what is so out of the range of everyday experience you simply can't wrap your mind around it.You feel dirty and ashamed, low, as if you did something wrong. Like you failed somehow. But realized, as someone obsessed with crime shows and such......like I said before living in Jersey City going home after work on the path, the endless waiting in cold train stations at 4am, is when I would buy the National Enquirer or the like and read this stuff. Or the books. I mention Betty Friedan because she was one of the original second wave feminists and herself a victim of domestic violence, a 50s suburban soccer mom who was also a writer with a radical past......suddenly woke up to "the problem that has no name" but point being she shied away from issues of violence against women as she thought it was "wallowing in that victim state." However, one of her more brilliant essays was on "Progressive Dehumanization" about the disintegration of American society partly from living in denial, with a lack of any substance and compared it to the mental trauma suffered by concentration camp victims. Digression but anyway this is the kind of thing that you feel before you understand. I always do anyway.

Anyway I thought .....or wondered if serial killers are an American phenomenon so I did some googling and randomly chose serial killers French and got this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_Vacher

this is an AMAZING modern painting of the famous Beatles songs by :iconweirdplushie:

Lucy in Sky with Diamondsby weirdplushie


 Ok so that song came out a year later but the contrast is brilliant......so this as a result of that......



Sunday, November 16, 2014

Diga deva

Languages I have a talent for the Spanish stations I can get the gist of with subtitles (Spanish ones)

Saturday, November 15, 2014

Oh yes these jammies are warm as toast.

Food references ha must be subliminal) I've been eating if not (redacted) the catch is there is more of me now.....

New clothes new life?

Love it by el Playa. More chill than Manhattan the people are more real. I'm taking it easy after work running cleaning in the am.....watched the Cinderella episode of Criminal Minds (super cool love the set and look of this one) JLH seems pretty decent.....plus Halloween with JLC. Hm. JL. We know what those two initials could stand for. HC? Hunter College. I'll take someone well ok I'll settle for someone only mildly psychotic.....how old am I? Noyfb. Old enough to vote not old enough to retire. So, deep blue sea last year you brought me to Riverdale thanks now this time can I go to France? Or Egypt again? Ty. Xo. Heart.

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Pretty balmy weather

Love it. Reminds me of egypt. The sawdusty smell too.

Monday, November 10, 2014

2 Unlimited - No Limit

I wrote on this yesterday but am obsessed with junxtaposing clips of party music and dancing with horrors of the first Gulf War. I read something about the Guf being the tree of life though not too familiar. A soldier who'd been at the Battle of Kadji with a very startled expression, very grim, saying how precious life is and how he appreciates it. I keep thinking the people who were dancing I mean they knew a war was going on but you was it their war? This group is from the Netherlands and Iraq is much closer to them.....more than California is to NYC. A little over 4600 kilometers which is ......looking up.....2900 miles. Like, dude you could even ride a bicycle there. Or walk. Or jog. No water to pass over. If you go through Turkey. I guess I'd never given it much thought. Maybe "we" weren't aware even though we were; you read how people in Germany turned a blind eye to what was happening in the camps, or did they know? You can know without knowing. Know unconsciously and feel that and wonder why you have this awful sense of something you can't put a finger on. I get that. But you can be blind to it on the surface because humans too have a sixth sense like animals (who instinctively know when shit's about to go down and flee the scene.....this happened during the tsunami in Indonesia and there are reports of this going on during WWII) but maybe psychologically the mind blocks out trauma and disassociates. I was reading how abuse victims, or those who have been through trauma (maybe everyone has in their own way I don't know if some is better or worse than others I know my story I know what others have said but I'm only inside myself ......but supposing some people just suffer in unusually bad ways) MK programming all that......that that is one reason why people's identities split and they develop alter egos. Two names. I know I have mine. They become this other person then switch back then don't remember. Perhaps some people are more attuned to vibes energy than others. I wish I didn't have that ability there are two sides to that. It can be painful even if I am a genius......Genius is pain, John Lennon said that? There's subliminal imagery in the 2 Unlimited video not sure if it's intentional or not.....the circles with arrows could be rockets pointed. The pinball machine and random numbers springing up. Hm. Just noticed.The setting looks like the stage on a quiz show like Family Feud. "God" is playing games with life? Life is a pinball machine? Eeh. Pure randomness with no consequence? Just speculating. Pretty intense to think about.

Saturday, November 08, 2014

Shirt soaked.....sweat it out

Ran through central park. Tough as hell. Watched earlier a punk rock interview with Regis and Kathy. Tear down the wall! Raybeez as a baybeez he was only 21. Him and his Bullwinkle-ness....."if ur blue and you don't know where to go to why dontcha go where fashion sitz.....puttin' on the ritz"

Special place in hell

Must be the darkening moon.....affecting my mood. Or maybe some of humanity shouldn't have been born. The hypocrites who make these laws.....what they were never broke, or hungry? They never got loans from their parents? I doubt that. I read about someone who will remain nameless who not only stole charity money but spent allegedly $1 million on plastic surgery (sorry but it ain't doing the job) this is money that could have gone to animals, or, excuse me, to help the homeless (you try fucking living on the subway) or starving children, or transgender victims of violence (those she claims to be in solidarity with) or hell even to pay off a third world country's debt not sure I guess it works like regular credit borrow pay back borrow pay back. Henry Miller wrote Shakespeare said "neither a borrower nor a lender be" easier said than done......
My father considered himself  a Republican (moderate pro-choice)
and was in favor of the gulf wars (due to the oil crisis in the 70s I mean I guess I understand the logic certainly would hope there is a better alternative) but picked up hitchhikers during the transit strike this in Chicago during the dead of winter and a blizzard real nice of the CTA huh?.....


Friday, November 07, 2014



My opinion of Sherrill Small and her husband (someone actually married this dude; go figure) I will not say. Drugs aren't great, but they in themselves don't make a bad parent. Bad parents make bad parents.Or foster parents. Or what have you. Child abuse is not instigated by drugs; these people are messed up to begin with and never should have been allowed to have children. Having a kid is not difficult; parenting and raising a kid is. So sad that it takes a tragedy like this to start instigating actions to be taken that should have been in the first place. Not to mention corruption in Texas Child Protective Services and ok I will speak plainly it's so fucking important to these people that a pregnant woman has the baby at all costs no matter that she can't care for it and neither can anyone else, so this is where the child they forced into the world ends up. OOOHHHH! I was so mad I was stomping the floor reading this......

Monday, November 03, 2014

Music @ McDs pretty chill

Kind of like ambient Latin-tinged (a la Brazilian) pop.....stuff to make you think you're still dreaming butchoo ain't .....

Sunday, November 02, 2014

Porno makeup

It's amazing how good filmmakers are at making the not real look real. Porno, like other entertainment, is smoke and mirrors. This is a great article in the Huffington Post. Having seen some of these films plus some incredibly disturbing stuff I can say if you want to tell the difference between something real and something staged, I won't say you can't but it's extremely difficult. They know how to make a film look grainy and amateurish, choppy as if done on the spur of the moment or the actors seem like everyday people. I was impressed by how impeccably these actresses' makeup was done.....so I wanted to find out more.....

A . Part of me

Still cares about him always will despite that he fucked me over (or peut etre should I consider myself lucky that's all he did? .....) and caused so much hurt to me his other gfs his family his community of course if the allegations are true his victims. None of this was necessary. But I KNOW something is up. I don't trust the papers (I know there are honest journalists but these ones are not) I have caught them in so many lies. If J is NOT doing what he is accused of then this is a travesty of lies slander hurting innocent people that's as bad as the.crime itself. The way our lives our sex lives our privacy has been invaded IS a form of rape. Total violation of civil rights. This will.....tragedy leads to more fascism more police state more fees for this that security ect never mind that the rents ARE high and we are still getting raped including by the cops. I am well aware it could have been me or my family friends whom he attacked but you know he didn't. I walked around that area at all hours and nicely sexily dressed and wasn't bothered except for a borderline incident who knows.....he did not do this stuff he is accused of to me. I went to sleep he left me alone. We hung out like normal people. 

Saturday, November 01, 2014

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Laurie Who's the Boogeyman?

Who indeed? Watching horror films love Halloween, and the 1978 film. Wish I could still watch in......anyway. Voodoo dolls.....the name Laura keeps coming up. Again. Just watched the original House on Haunted Hill.....

Sunday, October 26, 2014

By order of the prophet

"They banned that boogie sound /degenerate the faithful....." the Clash

Hauling ass to work.....life was easier living in Manhattan. But  I got there and it's cool. It's 4:24 am super tired but super grateful. The spirits brought "wrong guy wrong situation" say the lyrics on the radio.....me to the people I was with and.....well ?

Saturday, October 25, 2014

Bright lights big alien beach

Something weird haunted sci fi vibe here. A friend was telling me alien stories, a couple actually. Just ran 55 mins in my socks. I've never been to Eastern Europe (unless you count East Berlin) but this feels like I see in pictures or like people say: kind of stark and bleak. But not in a bad way. I like the culture the people seem pretty cool, pretty pretty.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014


A part of me is sad I did not go to new orleans another is devastated because I was betrayed by someone Im close to. I cannot reconcile this monster I read about in the press with the person I know. I will always miss the latter. It hurts but life goes on. Had dreams of flying into a mansion going from room to room. Something is going on and all is not what it seems.

Monday, October 20, 2014

Chuck Berry - Maybellene

I read he was a major influence on the Clash one of my favorite bands.....this is so fascinating to me.......totally happy people brought this stuff back!

More Than Teen Spirit

wow wow boy personal experience......back when I was a kid.......anyway, fascinating stuff. so much that you don't see don't hear doesn't mean not there

just found out

There is someone who did target me specifically to cause problems between me and the people I live with, as well as just.....to hurt me. This is no joke.Turns out I was right. Someone was jealous or threatened or what have you.....jealous of my relationships. This was done to me willfully and maliciously. I really have never done anything to anyone to deserve this, ever. I may have done stupid things or behaved badly but I never set out to hurt anyone at least never unprovoked. I am not that kind of person. But those of that kind do exist ......Britney Spears song "Rebellion" was constantly going in my head "Be wary of others/the ones closest to you/the poison they feed you/and the voodoo they do......" Someone else has been working the evil juju sista it wasn't me.....sincerely.....


like this I have a blinding headache like I'm getting tasered in the head. I was brutally, sadistically tortured and mocked and, honestly, I don't know how it is I'm still breathing and out in the world, but here I am. I was shaken up in every direction and facing death and well, not crazy but um, can't say I was totally sane, either. Maybe the fact that I didn't put on a blue wig is what let me off the hook. However, I was provoked. I have that thing about me that attracts certain people, I don't have to "do" anything to get attention I'm not the hottest, the best dressed, the weirdest what have you but I guess not willingly I suck energy in. I don't mean to. I don't understand why I am a target. I never did.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

And she knew

As she loved lived she loved she needed he somehow had the power but was afraid of hers afraid of hers but she knew she knew.......with the waves withe water she will come back.....take the leap and have faith.....that to the right thing you will be taken.....

Thursday, October 09, 2014

Boy the French have come a long way

As per rock music .....

Oils I ordered online.....work wonders for my hair which is very fine and wiry.....coconut, ylang ylang, vitamin e a bunch of great stuff. No parabens. Coconut is amazing in general.....life. ......I'm alive. As yet still.....

Vitalic - My friend Dario: http://youtu.be/_3EXHdT8DKM

Sunday, October 05, 2014

"Bullet Bra"

This is a great blog, from Oz I think.....


Wow amazing essay


Manhattan indigenous

Kitty kat.....aww