oh lovelies

Saturday, May 30, 2015

carriage horses, columbus circle

Sorry to be MIA I've been working hard on a lot of stuff trying to move up and forward and......well get stuff done. It has taken all my physical, mental and emotional energy. 
I've been spending time at Columbus Circle a lot and around uptown and there's a great deal of controversy over carriage horses and their treatment be it horrific or well or whatnot depending who you talk to. I'd been getting newsletters from organizations trying to ban them saying the animals are abused and showing graphic, horribly depressing photographs of dead horses and all kinds of......it was pretty gut wrenching. However, I've talked to people who've told me otherwise like who have connections to the industry and they say it is not as bad as all that and the people who own the horses love them and that there are internal politics involved property disputes and such. I pass them (the horses) every day and have come to be familiar with them and I believe they know and remember me as well. I pet them. The drivers say hi to me. I don't .....I mean it costs money to maintain their upkeep and the money comes from people buying rides. What can I say? Put your two cents, or two hands in. Pet the horses. Feed them apples. They are very social creatures and love attention and companionship. Talk to them. Buy a ride which will pay for their food, veterinary bills, housing.....for me that's the best I can think of. Maybe in other ways (not always) I'm not as confrontational as I once was or at least not if......I don't know. I love animals. All of them. Be careful feeding them watch your fingers or feed them off a plate or something. Ask permission. 

Sunday, May 24, 2015

Maya Plisetskaya Плисецкая, Майя Михайловна

I never met her but have read countless books on her.....gorgeous woman and dancer. If ballerinas sometimes wear strained expressions it's because dance, ballet in particular, is tough. What these men and women have achieved is daunting.....
I never knew much of her story only that her photos fascinated me. Something unique comes through every dancer even though they wear the same costumes and perform nearly identical moves. But she stood out to me. As a teenager I hung out in Strand Books a lot and for hours would study these photos which was all I had for a long time. I didn't know that she was considered subversive there and banned from touring which is why she didn't come over here; although eventually she did. An article on her says, "Plisetskaya explains that for her generation, and her family in particular, defecting was a moral issue: 'He who runs to the enemy's side is a traitor.' She had once asked her mother why their family didn't leave the Soviet Union when they had the chance, at the time living in Norway. Her mother said that her father 'would have abandoned me with the children instantly' for even asking. 'Misha would never have been a traitor.'" Check it out it's pretty fierce her bio. It's Wikipedia so questionable but a general idea.....

you will be missed.

Friday, May 22, 2015


I've been studying the planetary hours.....I think I'm starting to get a sense of what they are about; though how "they" figure this out is a mystery to me. Now is Jupiter. Luck be a lady (guys and dolls):):):):):):):) Mathematicians of the ancient middle east I think invented this system.

Jupiter Ascending
Warner Bros. 
with Eddie Redmayne

bizarre just found this of Mila Kunis.....the wedding cake   looked a little like this dress......

"Is there no way out of the mind" Sylvia Plath

It is true in my head alarms are constantly going off in the midst of chaos (or maybe not if you can do the math) numbers and words..... which my  math teacher from high school said was the mark of genius (she failed me anyway.....I mean, I'm over it it's ok now I understand how it why it happened now, you know, but still I shouldn't have had to fail but on this one I really got whacked. My ego was put in check big time.)  

Bloody Mary

"In our country the worst of all crimes occurs when the government murders truth. If it can murder truth, it can murder freedom. If it can murder freedom, it can murder your own sons--if they should dare to fight for freedom-- and then it can announce that they were killed in an industrial accident, or shot by the "enemy" or God knows what." Jim Garrison (prosecutor for JFK [ cold case]/ murder conspiracy) closing statement. 

"People can take everything from you/but they can never take away your truth/the question is/can you handle mine?" additional lyrics to "My Perogative" performed by Britney Spears I'm assuming written by
Bloodshy & Avant are a Swedish songwriting and production duo of Christian Karlsson (Bloodshy) and Pontus Winnberg (Avant).  

oh interesting......my great grandfather's name was Carl Christian. 

I have found it very difficult to focus or discipline myself today I suppose it's lack of sleep and that I expended so much energy yesterday plus just fried. But my mind kicks in ADD or whatnot endless pinging of stuff against my skull..... so here I am recording it......as it comes. Or am I mildly autistic? ????? Be still my mind. 

I never understood the lyrics of the song "Edge of 17" but just found them on the internet they are brilliant, brilliant man. 

"In a flood of tears
That no one really ever heard fall at all
When I went searchin' for an answer
Up the stairs and down the hall
Not to find an answer
Just to hear the call
Of a nightbird singin'
(Come away)
(Come away)"

This song was released according to Wiki (abbreviations abbv. ) Feb. 5, 1980. 

On Feb 5, 1963 Sylvia Plath wrote her last poem, "Edge." 

".....Each dead child coiled, a white serpent,   

One at each little

Pitcher of milk, now empty.   

She has folded

Them back into her body as petals   

Of a rose close when the garden

Stiffens and odors bleed

From the sweet, deep throats of the night flower."

Bloody Mary makeup look by Jaqalynn on DeviantArt

jaqalynn.deviantart.com900 × 1365Search by image
Bloody Mary makeup look by Jaqalynn Bloody Mary makeup look by Jaqalynn
 interesting the name Bloody Mary sprung up.....but my friends and I tried that too.....no image appeared. But a wedding I went to ended in.....someone severing an artery when she walked through a glass windowand there was a pool of blood all over the floor. By the stroke of (ty) Lady Luck, there was a nurse at the party who saved this woman's life. She did a makeshift tourniquet on her leg. The marriage, sadly, did not work out. But such it is sometimes. I am remembering.....a few times mirrors cracked and it freaked the fuck out of me at the time. All the implications that go with it.....a part of me says the legend is bull but another is thinking, well.....maybe a trickster of some kind. Truthfully there'd been a guy involved when this stuff happened and she allegedly being a psychic on future husbands.....none of these men were right for me. ?


another make up girl did this look......somehow the image resonates with me more if it's a real person made up.....

and by the way I didn't copy Lady Gaga with this reference didn't even know she did a song with that title
guess geniuses think alike (!)

War and Peace.....

reading this now. I'm totally glued to it if it's a long book it doesn't seem that way.....the style of writing is warm and friendly .....on pg 43 so far.....started this today.....actually now I'm on page 100. A part of me is thinking this is in so many ways the same story as Gone with the Wind though this came first. It's nwesome though what can I say?

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

love vs. hate?

listening to some punk rock music I haven't in a while.....a band SFA whom I personally know. This is a truly brilliant album I can say now listening because at the time I wasn't in a position to .....my judgement was more clouded then. Love or hate? Love or hate everyone? Love is hard......you can hate someone because you love them and on it goes or use hate sometimes to defend love......or fight for love or fight with one you love and .....love is hard work and takes everything out of a person at times.


been eating

like my life depends on me stuffing my face. the opposite of last week. such it is my weight has always gone up and down. I was a cherubic baby and Sunday's child. "The child born on Sabbath Day is......[?]" 7th month 25th day nearly the 7th hour......birth certificate said 7:01 pm but I don't think that's accurate. I always saw my ascendant sign as Scorpio. Because if ever someone existed who rose from ashes repeatedly, like several times a day each day of my life I have or .....I can only speak for myself maybe that's everyone. I think of a film I haven't seen but want to: the film Unbroken. I did see Imitation Game and loved it for all its flaws it's gorgeous and brilliantly acted......so I may not be an American POW in a Japanese camp but I am.....I suppose there are different ways to fight a battle. The level of difficulty.....well, who knows.Am I a code-breaker? I tried to do one crossword puzzle and got stuck on the first one. eeh. Though I am good with languages. I'm good at languages. Focus on strengths, not weaknesses. A weakness? Don't show them: but I suck at basketball.

last days of Berlin Wall

"I thought every German was you/and the language obscene.....at twenty I tried to die/and get [back] to you" Sylvia Plath 

I suppose but .....something how it not being a beach day it's not as easy to lay back and party with friends though maybe you do anyway that is if you have friends probably not cuz no one wants to be with you cuz you're too damn depressing.....so you write great poetry nevertheless... ......cheesy but true? n'est-ce pas?

Thursday, May 14, 2015


I was buying Easter candy for a guy.....someone I know of. I am in a gift shop of some kind I see birthday candles but go outside, and I am in the woods running. Then on a stage but it's dark and empty. Lightning. I am saying something but forgot what. I am running or something.....then go to my friend. I forget something, so return but this time in flip flops. I am on the same dark stage after visiting the store.....I run down the stairs which are uneven and rocky but a guy is in front of me. He says I have a girlfriend waiting for me I say I'm not after you sir I just need to get back too. I am trying to run in the same foresty area like a park, but in flip flops. It is dark and scary, lightning.....I am making a speech of some kind. I am looking for the same candy.....

Church light

Perfect angle

Jodi's letter

Marilyn in NYC

Phone charging. I am happy to say I have seen a ton of great art around the city. There was an opening at my school lots of interesting people a girl with sneakers on and a bouquet of flowers in her bag (I guess I'm a trendsetter? Wouldn't have expected that) or who knows coincidence but I don't believe in coincidences what should I do? Sue? Trademark infringement? I will post more on this later.....

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Clara Barton .....this saved me.....

Due to a few stresses that are fairly minor but which caused a lot of problems for me today; feeling very tired and on the verge, or past it......I fell asleep. When I woke up, I was suddenly better. Where I'd been horrible before and thinking why don't I just kill myself; I can't deal. So that I woke up suddenly infused with energy and, well, fairly normal.....pretty much a miracle. I went to the library, searching randomly, found a book on women in United States history; and found a chapter on Clara Barton. I'd heard her name but knew nothing of her history. When I read what she went through; lest you thought women simply sat around the house til the last century; she traveled around the world and through several wars tending soldiers and once worked, according to the story, five days straight with three hours' sleep. Not to mention what I read of soldiers lying out in the cold bleeding, in pain and without modern medicine or hospitals. She helped found the American chapter of the Red Cross which saved countless lives and much faster and more efficiently than before.

Thursday, May 07, 2015

weight loss from poisoning

I looked in the mirror and .....whoa! I've thinned out. I look like a friggin addict, BUT HAVE NOT DONE ANY DRUGS. Haven't even had caffeine til late this morning, with the exception of a couple Diet Cokes on Monday. There is a reason for that. It's because I ingested something poisonous and much heroin is mixed with rat poison which is the real reason so many addicts turn sickly looking. I do not and have never used heroin. I am recuperating, though. It's also the onset of my period and oftentimes I get nauseous a couple days before. My body goes through this weird thing where it thinks it's pregnant. I was walking near Central Park and thought of the scene in Rosemary's Baby where Mia Farrow's character is in pain and it suddenly stops.....Now I know how that is!

Inconvenient Truths: ~~Jodi's Art ~What Is She Trying to Tell Us?~~"Tea...

Inconvenient Truths: ~~Jodi's Art ~What Is She Trying to Tell Us?~~"Tea...

Art by Jodi.

Makes me think of this:

link below don't know why it's not highlighted but scroll down:

Tears by Missing Persons

Kind of cheesy but there you are same title anyway


Sleep and Monster (2) and......well, sleep makes a difference. My family helped me. For which I am grateful. TY :-)) Two young women friends of mine just gave birth.....I'm sitting in a pricey but cute little enclave on west 57 just came back from Sunset Park, Bklyn AND the dead. I was so miserable before I was like please God (or whatever is there) just kill me..........but ......here I am......still alive. Thanks to help really......  It's been an exhausting and tumultuous couple months. Kind of like a boxing match. If I came out victorious it was not without getting bloodied and battered. BUT alas I am here and.....thankful if feeling scarred and wounded. I hurt my knee too and walking, which I did in place of running, was nonetheless hard work and painful with a dull persistent ache in my knee and huffing and puffing. I did however stop in barnes and nobles and found a copy.of The Bell Jar and began reading Sense and Sensibility. And watched I suppose Stanley Kubricks first film. It goes to show you I mean if you compare this with his later films this one was.....um.....pretty silly, botched and amateurish. It still was incredibly stylish. He did start out as a photographer. I can't get thus out of my mind he and Sylvia Plath were then running in the same circles in NYC both ultimately ended up in London anyway I suppose it's my own ADD or such I get fixated on things most people don't......

Tuesday, May 05, 2015

this cheered me up

I was feeling miserable from a litany of personal issues plus physically .....
For a month and half I had no phone hence why I wasn't on social social networking much. In a way it was kind of liberating. I did a lot of stuff I missed out on like reading. Nonetheless I am grateful to have a phone my mom helped me.
I felt like death yesterday it could be a number of things but I'm going to get screened for lyme just to be safe. I'm thinking about all the times I ducked into the bushes to pee like when running through the park. Thank you to all who helped me sorry for my behavior )

 Link Below


Friday, May 01, 2015


Been a while forgive me I wasn't feeling well but I am a little better. This week was tumultuous.....I had a dream earlier today that I was in some kind of rural setting and ended up in a house .....made of.....not sure.......not an expert on the material but it was large stones and there was writing on the walls that became more and more intricate. Someone standing behind me said this used to be a church it's kind of creepy and it was.....but it was so detailed I'd never seen this before that I can recall.
Maybe it was like one I'd passed in Harlem not sure.....
A few months ago I dreamt of a house in the Hamptons I later saw advertised in one of their papers.
A swimming pool.....I dream constantly of houses, water.....