oh lovelies

Monday, February 22, 2016

Kesha, Cosby

The Cosby case I haven't followed I admit but someone recently mentioned to me why did none of these women report what happened until ten years later when the statute of limitations has run out, and furthermore why is Kesha presenting her story of rape in a civil, not criminal court, ten years after the fact. I can believe her story and others or rather I want to, you know. There are, unfortunately, women who fabricate stories of abuse or rape and honestly I have a difficult time sympathizing with much of what I read in the papers for the very reason that these women DID NOT go to the police, the hospital, a doctor.....and those working your case have really nothing to work with, or there are no signs anywhere of trauma.....so we weren't there, how are we supposed to know what did or did not occur? 

However, there's another side to this which I understand because I've been there. I've been sexually harassed, and was subsequently fired from a job at a construction site, this all by an accountant. I did make one mistake when I was there plus it was a temporary assignment so there was really not much to go by. I went to the web site of NOW and read other women's testimonies. I was also ......there are people in the industry who did try, some not without success, to take advantage of me being that I was extremely vulnerable at the time. Most of the time, you don't want the cops there it's a very ugly scene. You don't want cop cars outside an office building where the guy is guilty of being a sleaze, but hasn't physically harmed you. I've heard stories of actors walking into agents' offices and offering sexual favors for parts, these male and female.....which is pretty vile, but it shows you how tight the competition is, to the point where people are willing to degrade themselves. I can't really judge as much as I'd like to or maybe this person was bullshitting who knows maybe that happened in the Cosby case ALL of these women threw themselves at him, but kinda doubtful. I can understand not wanting to go public with an embarrassing incident. Then when things start surfacing, it makes sense that you feel you have a safe space to speak in. 

It's a real paradox.....that's why when I was renting a space from Ted and he was behaving strangely, questionably, I felt compelled to write about it not to mention the stuff I'd read on him on the site ReportYourEx (it's been removed, but it said that women accused him a sexually, physically, financially and emotionally abusing them) and oh it's so ugly my biggest mistake was not to just leave. I understand that, too, why "she doesn't just leave." It's not always that simple, that's why. It does not mean that you have low self esteem or think it's ok to be violated. But I should have, not waited until things were at the threshold to where I was forced to act on this. Most people who abuse a situation operate out of the idea that they can keep their real selves hidden, all this dirty ugly stuff clandestine and therefore "no one will believe you" because "he's such a nice guy." If you talk about what happens you may face repercussions people belittling you, threatening you or your family it goes on and on. I understand that, too.  

"Throughout America's adventure in free government, our basic purposes have been to keep the peace; to foster progress in human achievement, and to enhance liberty, dignity and integrity among people and among nations. To strive for less would be unworthy of a free and religious people. Any failure traceable to arrogance, or our lack of comprehension or readiness to sacrifice would inflict upon us grievous hurt both at home and abroad.
Progress toward these noble goals is persistently threatened by the conflict now engulfing the world. It commands our whole attention, absorbs our very beings. We face a hostile ideology -- global in scope, atheistic in character, ruthless in purpose, and insidious in method. Unhappily the danger is poses promises to be of indefinite duration. To meet it successfully, there is called for, not so much the emotional and transitory sacrifices of crisis, but rather those which enable us to carry forward steadily, surely, and without complaint the burdens of a prolonged and complex struggle -- with liberty the stake. Only thus shall we remain, despite every provocation, on our charted course toward permanent peace and human betterment." 

Military-Industrial Complex Speech, Dwight D. Eisenhower, 1961 

 full text here 

[Below is a quote from the very brilliant editorial on the rise and rise of Donald /Duck/Trump, in comparison to Hitler, article here]
"We, the people, need to find somewhere, buried in the recesses of our fading memories, the capacity to make common cause against this formidable threat to our equally shared liberties. The time is now."
Danielle Allen is a political theorist at Harvard University and a contributing columnist for The Post.

Free Kesha

I have a lot to say on this and understand, I think, a good deal of her conflict. The problem lies with the fact that if you are attacked and want justice you have to go through the police and make a report. True, many of them will either disbelieve you or try to intimidate or tell you you weren't raped or any number of things (they are reluctant to take down information that will bring the statistics up; because NYC is SO safe now right? Remember Jaws? Enemy of the People? ) I have had many instances where I asked them to take down a record of what happened and they would not. Do what you can but DO NOT DO NOTHING. Fuck, I mean one woman said she was the type to scream from the hills if she felt righteously indignant, i.e. was under attack; and in the words of Emmaline Pankhurst; a screaming baby is attended to faster than a patient one. I feel, I feel absolutely, for anyone suffering due to someone abusing their power. It should never be allowed to happen and those who perp this stuff are the lowest of the low it goes without saying. Men (women, sadly at times) who are predators often seek out someone they think will be too intimidated to speak out, someone who comes across as submissive, or fearful). Get it in writing or write it down yourself there is so much social media it's infinite twitter blogspot ect ect otherwise this is what it comes to, your word against someone else and especially if "someone else" had power and leverage in the situation, money, connections, like I suppose "Dr. Luke" does. The worst thing you can do is bottle up keep silent yes it's difficult but.....I'm so thankful for the times I got help because thing is when you're 18, younger than 18, you simply aren't mature or worldly and it's very difficult to find a voice in situations. People are afraid to speak because they fear being attacked, legitimately. But a judge in a courthouse, if honestly they give a shit at all, has too many cases before and after you and have to make a decision based on what's in front of them; that is if they are not taking money from someone I've read too much about this though don't like saying it. 

Save text messages. Save numbers, dates. 

Hopefully you will never face something like this. Ultimately, no one wins, though sexual abuse is about power, that I learned even though I'd heard it before. 

Annette Benning in "American Beauty"

NO ONE "chooses" to be a victim, bullshit, that is. The world is full of those who are simply not nice. Often, they are able to hide it til it's too late. Or they pick someone who is without defenses.
Jaws | Oscars.org | Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences
www.oscars.org1400 × 949Search by image
Featuring highlights from the Margaret Herrick Library and the Academy Film Archive.

For the record, I sympathize with Kesha and was infuriated when her case was so knee jerkingly (my opinion) reversed; and why should anyone ultimately be forced to be under contract to someone who has caused them so much unhappiness? What about other people who could speak for her, who saw what she was going through? Doctors, family, friends......or she could get a psychiatric evaluation that confirms she has PTSD from years of being under attack by someone with so much power over her? There is a lot of aggression and effort by some people to suppress information like this and to block a person from seeing a doctor who knows their history, like what happened to me in lower Manhattan. I'm being prevented from seeing someone who knows what I've been through, this allegedly due to scheduling conflicts and missed appointments even though I spent months trying to make an appointment and pay the balance I owed, which has been paid. Again, here I go where I wasn't going to say anything maybe there's nothing to it and a series of misunderstandings, maybe it's my fault like I'm being told. I wanted to see this particular doctor because she knows my story and I'm a witness in a court case. It could be a series of unfortunate or clumsy slipups I'll accept that if that's the case but you know I don't know what the reason is. It's all vague. But ultimately it's standing in the way of coming to a resolution about a lot of heavy and crucial stuff that has caused me hurt throughout my life.All, I might add, unnecessarily. Anyone has a right to a voice, and their story being told in their own words. A lot can fall by the wayside but I have to say in my experience it's whoever has power, often that they have not earned, in a situation decides what occurred. Remember, that's their story.Or as in the Jodi Arias case, a domestic violence expert and psychiatrist who have legitimate diagnoses of her being a victim of Travis are intimidated, threatened, sent hate mail, face aggression and hostility from people like Juan Martinez and bombarded with interruptions and "Ma'am"s yes I know yes it's imperfect but  bottom line get a doctor to speak for you do what you have to but the more who can speak for your side the better. Even if it's a struggle to get that, it makes every difference.

Either way......well.....anyway. That's all I can say for this. But when it comes down to it I'm not an expert on contracts but any kind of binding agreement where you sign your life away is.....well it's why people warn you to have an expert look over what you're signing. Still. ? Yes, if it were up to me I would let her go. 
 Still, life is more complicated than that, and people do things not knowing what they are doing. Don't misunderstand me. I know. I'm not sitting here saying I always do everything perfectly by the book and never fucked up that simply would not be true. I feel wholeheartedly for what she's going through. I think her expressions of grief and fear are genuine.

Even if it means not being famous the way you were but of course fame does not make an artist.

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Evanston, New York, London Jersey City past present there is no.....?????

I've been caught in a storm really the weather, work, my ever well don't want to go into it here. A few things sustained me and a few people. I met a few cool ones too. Reconnected via Facebook with someone from my childhood a stormy thing but you know one I've been feeling guilty about most of my life. I was reflecting back, you know, some was great, some was awful; that saying best of times worst of times cliché but true, and you know, for the life of me though I just could not get into Dickens. I was trying to read David Copperfield in London when I got robbed.....good God. Pay attention, me. I did start reading a couple things one a book about government spying (which I don't need to read a book about to know about think I've become an expert; as I could not not). And Lee Harvey Oswald's diaries; the latter was very bizarrely soothing to me when I was in the midst of all that.....it's really fascinating stuff. So I was living in Jersey City which there was good and bad both extremes there ultimately if I hadn't left moved way uptown for all that I went through I also met some very special people. One brings on the other.
And looking forward to travel. More on this later.....


Speaking of wrong side of the tracks, I was telling my new shrink about getting bullied after school by the tough girls, they were not merely mean, they were scary. Patty, the "white trash" girl, and, well, the ghetto ones as well. Chicago has a lot of great qualities but it's very rough in parts. My mother's office got broken into which we had walked in upon, a man there with the cash box in front of him....."um, I just had to use the bathroom."

 Oliver .....my grammar school performed that musical, pretty good this one, but so grindingly grim and depressing.....and my mom liked to play the soundtrack so I heard it constantly growing up.