oh lovelies

Sunday, November 30, 2014

Sitcoms are creepy

Maybe my .....I had a nightmare about tf that he was chasing me around the apartment.....another dream last night. Someone else......I saw his eyes they were unrecognizable. It was like something had taken over his body. It was him but it wasn't. His eyes, his eyes.....I saw those same eyes.....piercing, emotionless, wild disturbed......when I was seven years old this gang of kids guys were pushing me helter skelter around a swing......in Evanston. Sitcoms creep the fuck out of me. You know that sickly sweet feeling you get in your stomach kind of like devil clowns or the three stooges.....or silent movies where everything is insane flipped upside down. Plus tf liked to watch them.

Sunday, November 23, 2014

scorpio rising......

don't fucking fuck with me bitches!!!!!!



saw this ......Natural Born Killers......90s hipsters gone skewed

in the theaters......kind of like a 2 hour bad trip.....but brilliant. Visually......kind of trance-like. How serial killers become celebrities. Sad, you know, sick actually. But true. What's that site feloncrush# hashtag something or other.......

how did I?

Indeed. But no accident either. I dug my way out......but no it doesn't have to be......you're confronted with your worst fears because, why? A test of some kind.....

serial killers RIchard Speck 1966 "Day I was born, all hell broke loose the next day"

By Roy Lichtenstein

I was researching Richard Speck, a homegrown serial killer from a small town in Illinois. That quote is his, as he was born December 6, 1941 the day before the Pearl Harbor attacks.  I wasn't around at the time of the murders in 1966 but have known people tied to the case, one of them had been a reporter then sent to write about the crime. Even the top ten songs of the time were telling: Paint it Black, Black is Black I want my baby back.....this person, a writer assigned to the crime, was pretty devastated after seeing the scene.....I wonder why they sent the media to something like this usually that doesn't happen. Not to my knowledge.Watching the documentaries I recognize the .....well, Chicago. The churches that are built with a different kind of rock than those of the East Coast or Europe.....like more of a sandy color. That flatness of the midwest, the sky that is unnatural Easter Egg blue, the sun that is overwhelming and blinding, unshaded by mountains or tall trees, endless fields .....in spring it's bright and colorful but you step outside and it's chilling and windy. So anyway.....I wasn't going to say anything ........ and I won't. This happened during a Chicago summer and July is the hottest month. I think the news broke about this crime on July 17 which is PJ Soles' (the other "scream queen" from Carrie, Halloween) birthday
It can be stunning when suddenly the things that you read about in the news or internet, what have you, suddenly touch you in your life. It's someone you know, or you nearly who are a victim. Amanda Knox said that prior to what happened in Perugia (which sounds kind of like Peoria, where Speck's trial was and also Betty Friedan's home town) my mind is going a mile a minute......"I thought tragedy was something that happened on TV." When it finally touches you personally and you see how it happens to anyone, it doesn't discriminate......someone you have a personal connection to has done horrible stuff unbeknownst to you, or someone you know was a victim or it was nearly you.....what is so out of the range of everyday experience you simply can't wrap your mind around it.You feel dirty and ashamed, low, as if you did something wrong. Like you failed somehow. But realized, as someone obsessed with crime shows and such......like I said before living in Jersey City going home after work on the path, the endless waiting in cold train stations at 4am, is when I would buy the National Enquirer or the like and read this stuff. Or the books. I mention Betty Friedan because she was one of the original second wave feminists and herself a victim of domestic violence, a 50s suburban soccer mom who was also a writer with a radical past......suddenly woke up to "the problem that has no name" but point being she shied away from issues of violence against women as she thought it was "wallowing in that victim state." However, one of her more brilliant essays was on "Progressive Dehumanization" about the disintegration of American society partly from living in denial, with a lack of any substance and compared it to the mental trauma suffered by concentration camp victims. Digression but anyway this is the kind of thing that you feel before you understand. I always do anyway.

Anyway I thought .....or wondered if serial killers are an American phenomenon so I did some googling and randomly chose serial killers French and got this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_Vacher

this is an AMAZING modern painting of the famous Beatles songs by :iconweirdplushie:

Lucy in Sky with Diamondsby weirdplushie


 Ok so that song came out a year later but the contrast is brilliant......so this as a result of that......



Sunday, November 16, 2014

Diga deva

Languages I have a talent for the Spanish stations I can get the gist of with subtitles (Spanish ones)

Saturday, November 15, 2014

Oh yes these jammies are warm as toast.

Food references ha must be subliminal) I've been eating if not (redacted) the catch is there is more of me now.....

New clothes new life?

Love it by el Playa. More chill than Manhattan the people are more real. I'm taking it easy after work running cleaning in the am.....watched the Cinderella episode of Criminal Minds (super cool love the set and look of this one) JLH seems pretty decent.....plus Halloween with JLC. Hm. JL. We know what those two initials could stand for. HC? Hunter College. I'll take someone well ok I'll settle for someone only mildly psychotic.....how old am I? Noyfb. Old enough to vote not old enough to retire. So, deep blue sea last year you brought me to Riverdale thanks now this time can I go to France? Or Egypt again? Ty. Xo. Heart.

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Pretty balmy weather

Love it. Reminds me of egypt. The sawdusty smell too.

Monday, November 10, 2014

2 Unlimited - No Limit

I wrote on this yesterday but am obsessed with junxtaposing clips of party music and dancing with horrors of the first Gulf War. I read something about the Guf being the tree of life though not too familiar. A soldier who'd been at the Battle of Kadji with a very startled expression, very grim, saying how precious life is and how he appreciates it. I keep thinking the people who were dancing I mean they knew a war was going on but you was it their war? This group is from the Netherlands and Iraq is much closer to them.....more than California is to NYC. A little over 4600 kilometers which is ......looking up.....2900 miles. Like, dude you could even ride a bicycle there. Or walk. Or jog. No water to pass over. If you go through Turkey. I guess I'd never given it much thought. Maybe "we" weren't aware even though we were; you read how people in Germany turned a blind eye to what was happening in the camps, or did they know? You can know without knowing. Know unconsciously and feel that and wonder why you have this awful sense of something you can't put a finger on. I get that. But you can be blind to it on the surface because humans too have a sixth sense like animals (who instinctively know when shit's about to go down and flee the scene.....this happened during the tsunami in Indonesia and there are reports of this going on during WWII) but maybe psychologically the mind blocks out trauma and disassociates. I was reading how abuse victims, or those who have been through trauma (maybe everyone has in their own way I don't know if some is better or worse than others I know my story I know what others have said but I'm only inside myself ......but supposing some people just suffer in unusually bad ways) MK programming all that......that that is one reason why people's identities split and they develop alter egos. Two names. I know I have mine. They become this other person then switch back then don't remember. Perhaps some people are more attuned to vibes energy than others. I wish I didn't have that ability there are two sides to that. It can be painful even if I am a genius......Genius is pain, John Lennon said that? There's subliminal imagery in the 2 Unlimited video not sure if it's intentional or not.....the circles with arrows could be rockets pointed. The pinball machine and random numbers springing up. Hm. Just noticed.The setting looks like the stage on a quiz show like Family Feud. "God" is playing games with life? Life is a pinball machine? Eeh. Pure randomness with no consequence? Just speculating. Pretty intense to think about.

Saturday, November 08, 2014

Shirt soaked.....sweat it out

Ran through central park. Tough as hell. Watched earlier a punk rock interview with Regis and Kathy. Tear down the wall! Raybeez as a baybeez he was only 21. Him and his Bullwinkle-ness....."if ur blue and you don't know where to go to why dontcha go where fashion sitz.....puttin' on the ritz"

Special place in hell

Must be the darkening moon.....affecting my mood. Or maybe some of humanity shouldn't have been born. The hypocrites who make these laws.....what they were never broke, or hungry? They never got loans from their parents? I doubt that. I read about someone who will remain nameless who not only stole charity money but spent allegedly $1 million on plastic surgery (sorry but it ain't doing the job) this is money that could have gone to animals, or, excuse me, to help the homeless (you try fucking living on the subway) or starving children, or transgender victims of violence (those she claims to be in solidarity with) or hell even to pay off a third world country's debt not sure I guess it works like regular credit borrow pay back borrow pay back. Henry Miller wrote Shakespeare said "neither a borrower nor a lender be" easier said than done......
My father considered himself  a Republican (moderate pro-choice)
and was in favor of the gulf wars (due to the oil crisis in the 70s I mean I guess I understand the logic certainly would hope there is a better alternative) but picked up hitchhikers during the transit strike this in Chicago during the dead of winter and a blizzard real nice of the CTA huh?.....


Friday, November 07, 2014



My opinion of Sherrill Small and her husband (someone actually married this dude; go figure) I will not say. Drugs aren't great, but they in themselves don't make a bad parent. Bad parents make bad parents.Or foster parents. Or what have you. Child abuse is not instigated by drugs; these people are messed up to begin with and never should have been allowed to have children. Having a kid is not difficult; parenting and raising a kid is. So sad that it takes a tragedy like this to start instigating actions to be taken that should have been in the first place. Not to mention corruption in Texas Child Protective Services and ok I will speak plainly it's so fucking important to these people that a pregnant woman has the baby at all costs no matter that she can't care for it and neither can anyone else, so this is where the child they forced into the world ends up. OOOHHHH! I was so mad I was stomping the floor reading this......

Monday, November 03, 2014

Music @ McDs pretty chill

Kind of like ambient Latin-tinged (a la Brazilian) pop.....stuff to make you think you're still dreaming butchoo ain't .....

Sunday, November 02, 2014

Porno makeup

It's amazing how good filmmakers are at making the not real look real. Porno, like other entertainment, is smoke and mirrors. This is a great article in the Huffington Post. Having seen some of these films plus some incredibly disturbing stuff I can say if you want to tell the difference between something real and something staged, I won't say you can't but it's extremely difficult. They know how to make a film look grainy and amateurish, choppy as if done on the spur of the moment or the actors seem like everyday people. I was impressed by how impeccably these actresses' makeup was done.....so I wanted to find out more.....

A . Part of me

Still cares about him always will despite that he fucked me over (or peut etre should I consider myself lucky that's all he did? .....) and caused so much hurt to me his other gfs his family his community of course if the allegations are true his victims. None of this was necessary. But I KNOW something is up. I don't trust the papers (I know there are honest journalists but these ones are not) I have caught them in so many lies. If J is NOT doing what he is accused of then this is a travesty of lies slander hurting innocent people that's as bad as the.crime itself. The way our lives our sex lives our privacy has been invaded IS a form of rape. Total violation of civil rights. This will.....tragedy leads to more fascism more police state more fees for this that security ect never mind that the rents ARE high and we are still getting raped including by the cops. I am well aware it could have been me or my family friends whom he attacked but you know he didn't. I walked around that area at all hours and nicely sexily dressed and wasn't bothered except for a borderline incident who knows.....he did not do this stuff he is accused of to me. I went to sleep he left me alone. We hung out like normal people. 

Saturday, November 01, 2014