oh lovelies

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

speaking of

I got the inspiration from my online tarot reading.

"The middle card represents a deciding element of the present. Queen of Swords, when reversed: Consuming fire; the flames of the martyrdom of Joan of Arc, Phaedra's misguided passion, Medea's jealousy, Lady Macbeth's ambition. Fire, if left to burn unchecked, can consume the soul."

Pretty good for online advice. There is a crazy woman in the foreground, or background, but who is it? I keep getting this card and page of swords reversed. Spying.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

in cafe pick me up

and I'm picked up. was at penny's open mic I'm missing some seeing some. gas lights in this place. got on this online tarot site queen of swords, reversed. I get that all the time, and page of swords.

A jealous

vindictive woman

someone's in or out for the kill

blood time
that explains a lot

Sunday, March 27, 2011

fourteen years and 10 near death experiences later

so sue me. fuck me. show me. screw me. help me. mercy. mercy. screw me. mercy. mercy. sue me. your sacrificial lamb. your light. the light is on me. on me. on me. on me. thank you. thank you.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Ended up in Kings Highway, Bklyn

one of these weird things, not expected. work-related. This is a charming area, with many Orthodox Jewish and Eastern European immigrants. Very colorful. I ended up in a newspaper stand with Polish and Russian newspapers, local teens buying soda and skateboarding.....two lesbians who got on the train with me. They were very intriguing to me........all these kids are diverse and have character a far cry from the homogeneous private school kids on the UES where I am every day. All these kids brought me back to my high school days.

Then I tried to sleep but was woken by a crazy neighbor, a lady who went ballistic and started banging on the walls, the police were called.....and I did not sleep well. THAT is not good. I mean, I'm a human being with sympathy for others, but who the hell is she to disturb people like that at 4AM? We're entitled to our rest, we work hard and pay for these places.

Still kind of have the blues over a falling out with someone. What can I say? If person ever reads this. I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. I didn't mean the nasty things I said. You're not any of these things; you're fabulous, you're the most important person to me barring a handful of others. I love you. It was a knee jerk reaction to what you said which was hurtful and made me feel like I was being used. Please forgive me. Understand that there is a line that can't be crossed. That's all.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011


I was nasty to someone terrified I lost them. I didn't mean what I said. I know there must be hope.And it seems.....to that person.....that I hate you and think you're horrible but I don't it's the opposite. I love you guys. It's so powerful and from the heart. I think you're the greatest thing. I expect better. I love you. I love you. There must be a chance.

Leo Sayer - You Make Me Feel Like Dancing

There are always times when I say if I could go back in time somewhere it'd be to NYC in the seventies. There's good and bad in everything but I relate to .....well just how it was. Do I wish.....

Monday, March 21, 2011

Excerpt from Leslie Van Houten Documentary, 1991

There are so many radical right wing extremists ranting, real hate stuff, on these video sites. Well, I am someone who identifies with and feels with those who are the outcasts of society. Not some scumbucket who abuses their kid to death, or tortures kittens or that kind of thing....they deserve whatever they get. But it's likely these women didn't commit the crimes they were convicted of. Even so, they did do their time and were rehabilitated. I can't overstate the importance of doing your research and not taking at face value what popular books and the newspapers say. They did not drink the blood of their victims, that nonsense that was printed in the tabloids.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

while I'm at it

thinking how pissed off I am at men....OK there I said it--well at other women for different reasons......God it would take a book like the Second Sex.

stage names

La Fortuna
Lady Hekate
Vuelve Vuelve

Bon Jovi entirely.....that means good luck in ? Italian maybe

Just realized.

Videos I would give an F- to:

anything by Taylor Swift, Linkin Park, 30 Seconds to Mars.....more to come

I can't stand to watch these videos for more than three seconds. So it's hard to review them.....

there was another one......I expected the Miley Cyrus ones to be at that level but they weren't completely there. Vanessa Hudgens.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Friday, March 18, 2011

some writings at cafe pick me up

Sitting here . spent money for good purposes. Brazilian Samba or Rhumba ....very soothing. I can't stand what this neighborhood's become; I don't like being here. Not only cause of stories I've heard but the crowd.....either like the Hamptons or the Kardashians who are the most vapid, stupid and purposeless individuals who ever lived. I'm not kidding these are awful people, in every sense of the word, who've come here. I don't go to Veselka any more because it's like loud middle American types who leave a mess for other people to clean up. They trashed my mother's building and left a hole in the elevator floor, and the doors wide open for anyone to come in.
The music all ambient (is that the word?)

It's raining. Just a few minutes ago about five fire trucks showed up with flashing lights. That' s another common occurrence.

I did see some adorable black and white cats at a local store.

today full moon

the Supermoon, meaning it's the closest to the Earth since 1993. ? Don't know if that means anything.....except water levels will be very high.

I may have

earned income tax credit if I did this right. How do I get it right away?


you know when you feel don't exactly remember:

A wooden house. A restaurant. Yeah I dreamt this before and it has separate rooms full of mannequins.


they took advantage of someone with a disability. and ignorance.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Brooklyn Bounce - "Crazy" (Paragod Video Remix)

Shit that was the wrong version. This is the one I'm talking about, sans storyline. This is different and .....well....what words? Awesome! .....still reminds me of where I used to live.I'm thinking there must have been scads of work just in the editing.....TV footage with dancing with graphics.....that and expensive. I'm not sure what they're trying to say....except making a mini movie? It's not really commercial........or standard. Anyway, I give it A.

OK I did some research; this is Wikipedia so it's up for questionable. But one of the producers is
Matthias Menck who's been on the scene for a very long time. OK they contradict me and say this WAS commercial. In America this isn't what's popular I don't think, not like it is in Europe. Whatever. Anyway, the other is Dennis Bohn and I don't know who/what Paragod is.....oh, OK DJ Analyzer, also from Hamburg. The combination of the three, plus the people who made the video.....the director is Romain Gavras, from France. The son of Costa-Gravas.....I don't think I've seen his films. Ok, this video is changed from the last and re-mixed....who did that is unclear. The music and graphics are in synch.....very cool. Well done. I like this one better.

Anyway, back to my projects which are : creating a new dance piece, getting back into film and maybe voiceover, editing/publishing my poems. Will return soon.

Brooklyn Bounce - Crazy

This is an awesome and brilliant video and I want to learn more on this group. Much of the footage looks like my neighborhood in brooklyn, where I used to live. There was a murder across the street, in this warehouse. It was later turned into a rave house. They need to get rid of that narrator.......makes it cheesy and it's a distraction.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

been up 24 hours

that's not necessarily my wish but such is my schedule. I didn't get a chance to zzzz but will later today. I had a bad incident with a bus driver my metrocard I didn't know expired. Most drivers will let you on the bus anyhow. This one didn't. What a trash bag. That enraged me. What kind of person does that to another: kicks them when they're down. Enough to definitely raise my heart rate. He's like, get change from somebody. From whom?

Thursday, March 10, 2011

I suppose, yes, this picture is a rip off (like "Madge"'s--well, all of her stuff)--but it is an amazing contrast, though. Bette Davis was beautiful when she was younger--I wonder why she started looking kind of freaky later on like her eyes popping out. I should watch this film.....had started to read the book.

I actually got carded in a bar

maybe the guy thought I was a cop or maybe he really thought I was under 21. wow. D

me on bus waking up

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Wednesday, March 09, 2011

written in cafe pick me up a couple days ago

This music is giving me chills and making my hair raise on my back, my spine. It is other-worldly. They sound like not human beings. This brings me back to ballet lessons my mother took, in Evanston. Why am I remembering this? And pink ballet slippers. The little bathroom of just a toilet and like closet doors, in the studio.
The Motor Inn....the rug of their hallway looks like the one in my Tarot card The Magician, in the Elves pack.
This music is giving me deja vu. Like this song that played last night at work....don't know the name though. Hardly understand what they were singing. It think the woman's voice is super-reverbed.

Why Did You Adopt Me and .....A M

OK after dealing with a lot of emotional tumult I needed some mental clarity, of some kind. Industry Lawsuit and Why Did You Adopt Me . Read her article. I have this recurring vision of, well, imagine.I guess dumb joke but whatever.

Monday, March 07, 2011

L A Style - I m Raving

Bizarre rave demons! back when I first struck out on my own as a kid in Brooklyn, Park Slope (before it became stroller serene, these were the barrio days) I listened to this tape! Man it's genius. A+ buzz!

Friday, March 04, 2011

feeling better

thanks to the ..... spirit stars air better.

Feel a little guilty. I did have a psychotic episode. It's over. Sort of.

I don't know how I manage NOT to get arrested. have to laugh. Maybe I scare the police.

other things

I wrote extensively on something but have taken it down. It's a negative ugly topic and better left for another time. But just because it's not said out loud doesn't mean it isn't true. Maybe it needs to be said,another time.

incidents this morning

What makes people feel like they are owed something or like they have a right to someone else's life? Or like I'm obligated to let them in my life?......I mean, if you go looking for trouble you're going to find it. Then stuff happens to them, and they don't understand why. Not always, but sometimes when people are attacked they have gone out of their way to put themselves in a position. And then, what? Am I supposed to feel sorry for them? Is anyone? Some people have it coming to them. Or maybe they are looking for it. Then what? Don't underestimate people. Don't think you deserve what you don't, any more than anyone else.

Thank you

to those who believed in and supported me.

Thursday, March 03, 2011

red dust reprint from last year (?)

oh dust the dust of lust
lust of dust
that which is us
oh love, love of lust
that which is dust
let it rain down on us
down on us
let it rain down
blow, blow at us
lust that is us
red dust
all that is ours
let if rain down on us

oh love, lust
that which is red
bright red
seeping red
red and bled
red dust
let it rain down on us
rain down
let it rain down on us

such as health insurance

I am really pissed off that I have to deal with this crap. it's ok, I have nothing better to do. in America we don't have universal health care,in every other industrialized country they do. Life isn't fair, I guess. Blame the fucking assholes in the House and else where. Some people have an endless craving for power, power to abuse people. All the little people as elementary schoolyard bullies now have grown up (lucky us) to become (OK I wont say it). Pieces of shit. So now, I have to do this stupid menial drudge work just so I can get a flu shot. Stupid, right? Then, the doctor I see won't take the insurance I'll be getting. Maybe I can get disability.

Vuelve Vuelve Lady Hecate

Return be careful what you wish for cause you may not get it fast enough!

but now

I feel terrible. Almost like crying. I was convinced the opposite was true. I raged screamed punched and slammed. So many other examples of .......the fucked up things I've seen (blank oh I won't say it, or state the obvious) do.


I asked the tarot (online) if someone is doing something behind my back. Anyway I got this :

not luck the good spirits look out for me thank you!

The Three Fates spread is an exceptionally popular way to gain insight into the emerging arc of the past, present, and future. The Renaissance Tarot is a modern deck, with symbolism drawn from the heroic age and rendered in renaissance style. This deck is an excellent choice for exploring questions of passion, mastery, and the inner workings of human reason. If you would like your own copy of the Renaissance Tarot, you can buy it now!
Click for DetailsThe left card represents an important element of the past. Eight of Coins (Prudence): Frankness, honesty and innocence. Candid confrontation of circumstances.
Click for DetailsThe middle card represents a deciding element of the present. Five of Staves (Strife), when reversed: A cautious step ahead without the aid of others.
Click for DetailsThe right card represents a critical element of the future. Two of Cups (Love): The flower of first love, of love at first sight. The bond between two people, invisible but formidable.

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

revision of earlier writings

a gold scarf around my neck
and it's a house, mine
waiting for a response
a clue
on a side road
you in that pink room but what else was there?

you, me and her
I hold one up, then another
one, then another

I'm seventeen and it's black in here
tiles are black
I see myself
there's so much, so much to see

thoughts on "Platoon"

When I was about nineteen, living in Chicago, I became sort of obsessed with this film. It had a sexiness underneath the surface, almost like there is in Christianity, and in Jesus. Sexy and poignant. I admit, I won't deny part of it was seeing these guys with their shirts off. What is the word, beefcake? I didn't say all, but part of it. The part where Willem Dafoe blows smoke through the gun into Charlie Sheen's face, well you know that is symbolic. I guess the world loves martyrs. The Jesus story is very similar to that of Apollo, of so many others. Jesus is the Greek name, the "Savior" was not called that, the name means son of Zeus. Jesus was Jeshua, I think. Apollo was known for healing the sick and raising the dead. Point being, there's something in the sexiness of men, which you seldom hear about, and cleansing, love, rebirth. And pain. And healing. Becoming something new.

coming soon, negative reviews

I've shown what I like and will get to what I don't. Keep in mind, yes, these are just my opinions. If others disagree, no matter. I don't hold it against people. Such is the beauty of the world, its diversity.

But the bad reviews I'll have fun. It's time to go for the kill, the burn. Let it rip. Vent.....the time is coming!

more on Bravery

they integrated dance music/techno/disco.....with their music. But in this time that was popular and common in Brooklyn; I know because I was there. Many styles merged into a hybrid, you could say.

thoughts on hard rock, modern American

that stuff bores the shit out of me. I tried, tried giving it a chance, and to me it all sounds the same.....like listening to a vacuum cleaner. Bands like Soundgarden, Nickelback, 30 Seconds to Mars......so many.....just can't get into it. The same happened to me with hard core punk. Even though I believe in the movement and philosophy, I was just bored, listening to many of the bands. It's not my thing. The Bravery were voted worst band by Spin Magazine, or most hated, something like that. If Spin were my criteria for my self esteem, I would have been crushed, pulverized. But since I don't give a fuck what they think, it doesn't affect me except as humorous. Of course they would hate people who actually have talent. The Bravery is NOT like Duran Duran or whatever bands they're compared to. They started out as a garage band. Duran Duran did consider themselves punk at the beginning. So spare your snobbery. And both bands are from completely different times and places, on opposite sides of the ocean. New York is not London or Liverpool. The early 2000s are not the early 1980s. They are not the same.

OK think about it there are WAY many similarities in hair, make up, the zig zags on the face, and so on. Lady Gaga did something similar. Still, I love the look of the Pussycat Dolls girl. Wish I'd thought of that. I want to do a complete transformation, of course without copying another person. Not, ahem, the way some others have. The difference between inspiration and stealing? Sometimes hard to define but VERY IMPORTANT. Plagiarism is not OK!

Still, I want to change my hair and face and just blow apart, into a new star ME. Thinking.....