oh lovelies

Monday, August 27, 2007

on another note

I was walking around the east village, or in the east direction....and the full moon was out. It's so beautiful..........huge, really. This one time I was driving with my mom in the Hamptons and it was .....so big it was as if you could touch it, and hanging over the water. These elements of nature still exist....so there's hope....good to know.

the whole city smells now

the heat/humidity traffic jams sick sick why didn't I go to the hamptons? oh, yeah, cause I'm supposed to be getting this cat fixed tomorrow. really need a break. something happened just don't know what it's sick endless......

Sunday, August 26, 2007

the new people in the east village

.....girls/women who are like:...."I divide my time between New York and LA I just .....supportive....." I'll try not to be .....I'll try to be nice. There ....considering this area used to be the cutting edge of music, art, fashion and everything else, not to mention politics.....basically a blanded, dumbed down takeover...but does that always happen? Still, it is getting unbearable. Maybe I'm being harsh. It must be what I'm reading.

At G's party I got sick from these pills I took.....lay down on the bed listening to my own music they were playing like Ani di Franco and the smell of hot dogs....I begged G not to cook any more. I just felt miserable and not in my element I wanted to go home but didn't want to cancel out after he bought all this food and I was thinking, couldn't stop thinking, I hate s and everyone thinks he's wonderful but I can't leave....either....now G isn't picking up the phone...I couldn't sleep I was thinking I'm a terrible person I'm.....

respectable women don't walk around at night

respectable women don't walk around at night

just walking home these black girls are yelling, about whom I'm not sure, "she's walking around like that at 3 in the morning...." it wasn't 3 it was a little after 1.....

the old saying, she's walking around after x time, she must be a slut, she must want it badly, she must be looking for it. it's never, she just wants to take a walk on her own, so leave her alone. it's worse than ever. I don't remember, even as a teenager, ever getting this on the street. speaking of walking around day or night, this is what I get day and night. I've said before, in other parts of the world women walk around at all hours. for the record, I'm not safe even in my own apartment. Well, I tried to make this work but I have no control over so many things. It's too big a mouthful for me to chew. you get less and less sympathetic....toward people who don't do anything to help themselves. And that kind of nastiness, like that comment that girl made......don't get me wrong: girls of all races do this. They're vicious, nasty, I don't hang around women much. But it's a terrible blow, one I will never get used to, when people you're trying to help turn on you. ONe thing I've learned is that people aren't grateful....they hate you for illuminating things, for showing them the way. From so many of the writings I read from the sixties, so many women thought a feminist revolution was around the corner, that all women, including the "other woman," would all unite and change the world in their favor. But it didn't happen. Why is that? Even back as a teenager....in New York I could walk around at any hour and be more or less left alone, with a few exceptions. yes, there were some comments. And Chicago was far worse than here. This guy was like, "Hey pretty. Hi. What's wrong, you antisocial?" I know I could confront him, but all I'll ever be doing is confronting people. I don't want to fight with people, though I know after everything there is no one trustworthy except well my family, really. I am sick of fighting. What I want is not different from what anyone else wants, or at least the average sane person. But I need to live somewhere where I can walk around, including at night. Why do people think a woman who walks around at night is horny or something, deserving.....why is it never that she is walking around because that is normal, really? It is. It's healthy. It's not healthy to sit around cooped up all day. Most women are cooped up all the time and it weakens and eventually destroys them. Forgive me for not wanting to be that way. I am a night person. It'll never change.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

support for arrested vegan activist

Don't know all the details, but below is a summary:

Danae is a dedicated activist and she deserves all the support that she deserves.

Jail support needed for California activist, Danae Kelley!

California activist, Danae Kelley was arrested after a legal demonstration in San Diego over the weekend. (13 others were detained but then released without charges just as Danae should have been.) Phone calls need to be made on her behalf. Please call the San Diego Central Jail and ask when she will be released.

Danae Kelley [ Booking #7762437] is at the Las Colinas Detention Facility--

Please call 619-258-3176 & ask when she'll be released and if she's getting vegan food.

Another number:
San Diego Central Jail: 619-615-2700, push 1 for English, 0, then 2.

Repost/ Call often.

Friday, August 17, 2007

late night early morning

As someone who always needs that little time to myself, I've been finding it mostly at hours like 1 or 2 AM. I got an injury in my right leg and couldn't run for a week, so I started taking long walks. Or I go over dance moves, monologues, exercises, all those things I never seem to find time for during the day. I started walking around the village, alone, late nights, partly also cause I got in the habit with friends or else I worked around there. It's no mans land in some areas, but basically safe. Not 100 percent ....there are some dicey people but you'd have to go out of your way, really, for anything to happen. I still get comments, though. Why can't we live in a world where that doesn't happen? I'm a night person, always was. I never was able to sleep at night. We should be able to walk around at any time. Most women don't walk around alone late.....not just for safety but because it isn't done. Why? So I pay a price for it. I'm glad I live in a town like New York where I can do that, I'll say that much.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

more @ stuyvesant

My drafting teacher, this scary dyke, HATED me and was vicious to me. I guess I was a brat. When my mother came home from the parent/teacher conference she said, "Your drating teacher is a bitch." My dad had flown in from Chicago.

My first day in biology I wanted to know....why people slit their wrists when they wanted to die. Why there? I didn't understand that that is where the artery is.....but if I had to choose a method of death it'd probably be that. Maybe I wouldn't want to die in my sleep.....I'd want to know it's happening. This woman told me the best way to die is to bleed to death....because it had happened to her...somehow...and she was actually floating around the room....but then she was given a shock to the heart which brought her back....and I imagine was painful.....I am morbid. I have that side of me. I was reading about people who have vampiric tendencies and I think I'm one of them. I do have a fascination with blood. I am a night person. I'm anemic. I'm pale, with pale eyes. Maybe I'm not all Leo but have Scorpio tendencies in me.....So my biology teacher told my parents about the questions I asked in class. I was well meaning deep down but terribly confused. Plus, maybe I was born into the wrong family, the wrong era, I don't know. Or maybe it was meant to be....I was the loop thrown in. I wouldn't want me, for a kid. No worries.....I am not looking to leave this life anytime soon.

All this obsession comes from reading too much Margaret Atwood. I'm obsessed with the book The Robber Bride.

Friday, August 10, 2007


OK, what's the address again? OK, sorry I'm late I know, I'm on my way. Train was messed up, ect. ect. Which direction? I'm almost there........

Walking up to his house. I'm coming toward the door.....

He comes out......wearing.....well, nothing.....

Are you insane? Someone could see you.....but it's night time.

Isn't he hot? I was looking for someone to share his big black cock......it' s the six E pills I took earlier.........

Sunday, August 05, 2007

Congratulations Gary

I should write a song about you a la Alannis Morrisette. You fooled me and betrayed my trust and hit me down deep by surprise but it's my fault too I fell for your lies I was a sucker you should be proud you very nearly, but not completely, but nearly accomplished what you set out to do. I wanted to think you're a decent person like you said you are but you're ......well, you proved yourself not to be. YOu lied and nearly fooled me. You should be happy that you cemented by belief that there are no trustworthy people out there. You deserve a metal. V ery close to one. y

harassed, again, walking home

I know it's late, but I wanted to go home. I think I have a right to walk to my own apartment that I pay for. These guys, three or four of them, are standing there making hooting noises, long story short, and I flipped this time. I was already upset because I've been having not a good week. I left my keys somewhere, my phone went out, I was having personal problems with a bunch of people whom I had been led to believe were my friends......and feeling very hurt, stabbed, really, like I can't trust anyone. I just wanted to go home to my own bed and take out my contact lenses. I didn't have much cash on me and didn't feel like finding an ATM.....so I figured if I took Myrtle there were still a lot of people around.....so turning the corner these men on DeKalb, in front of that God damned funeral parlor where they hang out, started with me. I know some people will say to let it roll off me and I've had so many bad encounters and my confrontations never produced positive results.....I had come to think that it was too dangerous to say anything. But this time, I thought, no this isn't right, they have no right to be doing this. They were acting like it was their duty to punish me for walking home alone at a certain hour, like, she's a slut, she deserves whatever she gets. I know there are people who do stupid things, women included, like go out to dangerous places late at night and bring home men, and so on, but sometimes life calls for one doing things like this. It doesn't always mean we're drunk/desperate/mentally ill it means or could mean we didn't have a lot of cash and just wanted to go home. So I screamed at these men, "You have no right! No right! You think just cause I'm a woman walking home you have a right to treat me this way? You think this is a fucking joke?" But they just kept laughing. Then, across the street these black girls saw it, and they were laughing too. I said to them, "You don't have to take this!" They kept laughing. They think it's a joke--so I said, "If you take these men's side, or go with them, then you deserve whatever you get and I have no mercy for you." Harsh, I know, but they were laughing at me. I know that there is a multitude of injustice in this world and I"m not unsympathetic to that. But I deal with this EVERY DAY in this neighborhood. I get this every time I get off the subway, every time I go to the store. I have a sore throat now from yelling and I can't even go get painkillers cause I know I'll get harassed or assaulted. I have had three of these confrontations in a month and it's only a matter of time before it will look like I"m the crazy or bad one. If these women feel like they have to take this from these men in order to.....I don't know what.....then they're doing a disservice to all women. And I'm not going to accept that. I don't want to play into further oppression like class bias or racism because I hate that trait in people, I think that's unequivocally wrong. Still, I'm not the one doing it. Wrong is wrong, unacceptable is unacceptable. I deserve, as does anyone, the right to walk around anywhere at any time dressed however I want, within reason or at least where I live and pay rent.
At the same time, I've been fighting hard and for what? I'm going to start looking into one way plane tickets to California, because as long as I have to live in this country I can't live here. I'm done. I had the same problems in Philly, though not nearly as many in DC or Boston. I really, really can't take this and if I'm going to stay sane I have to get out of here. This neighborhood is a dump and fucked up and I'm sorry, but this doesn't happen in nicer parts. I don't like the inhumanity of gentrification but I .....I do ....I don't know, maybe if it's a bunch of white frat boys or something, yes, they come from all walks of life. I just know this is where I am and it's unbearable. I have to get out. I have to say this is unusually bad....I didn't get this even in Cairo. I don't know how people take it, I won't. I'm done. Done. There are almost no redeeming qualities about this place.

Thursday, August 02, 2007


found this

someone took the time to write all this down and I almost never even knew about it! brilliant......all coming out of research on a related topic.....health insurance.