oh lovelies

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

intense day

four hours sleep, if even that, a head cold, all three cats woke me up this morning, then the dog. I worked three gigs today, ran through the park, then came home to find cat shit on the blanket cause the dog won't let the cat go to the box. Oh, and these people I'm working with have a dog which jumped on me and knocked my head into a rock, and it hurt like hell. It's lucky I'm OK but the dog didn't do it on purpose. And I still have to catch this feral cat. So I made some money today which I need, but man I'm so damn tired and I can't wait to get my life back. And I have to .....


I watched the Seventh Sign last night, and it freaked me out. I am really interested in things like the occult. I was seeing a lot of parallels between this film and Sept. 11.....my mother and I were talking about how there's something Biblical about that event. I put it together: these are a bunch of religious nuts or devil worshipers or something who want to bring about the end of the world. People like Bush.....I really don't know what religion he is but I don't think it's Christian. My relatives in Indy are so out of their fucking mind.....but you know, they think they're right and I'm wrong so go figure.......

Sunday, October 23, 2005

some things about me

I don't do drugs

basically straight edge

quit smoking two years ago

drink red wine, that's it pretty much, xcept for the occasional cocktail

don't spend much money on cell phones

prefer fort greene, and downtown manhattan

like walking

am addicted to my ipod, cell phone and internet


Venus was the goddess of prostitutes? You know, I never knew that til now. I just thoght she rules beauty and romance. My one Greek friend, a guy, said she was a slut. Personally, I don't use that word or believe in it.....welll....ok, yeah, I do. I'm guilty, too. I say, she looks like a slut. I have said about myself when I got dressed up to go clubbing, "I look like a ten cent whore." Well, it was a joke. But no, I don't want to use that term: an ugly stereotype. I am not, to myself, a "slut." Though some may see it differently.

complacent

http://www.concreterituals.com


http://www.complacentnation.org/



This is such an amazing organization (the above link: Complacent), whatever it is. Stuff like this gives me hope amidst all this ....all this. I have so much to write on this subject, much of which I'm preparing. Of all the 99 percent horror that comes out of free speech, there is the other 1 percent that is meaningful. Is that the point? I'm not sure I believe in absolute free speech, and I agree that it belongs to the powerful and wealthy, ect. And there are truly dangerous people in whose hands it's a scary weapon. Complicated subject.....

So Garrett was teaching me self defense techniques last night. I hope I'll never have to use it, but that's just it, you never know. I saw a boxing class at the gym I wanted to take. Tai chi, martial arts, it can take over your life. Knock wood of course, I've never been raped or hit by a guy.....all these horror stories I hear haven't been my experience. Believe me, I've had my battles and I've been in bed with the devil, really......but what I've gone through isn't what I've read. I've turned guys away, I made my choice freely. A certain line hasn't been crossed. But I've definitely been in risky situations. I put myself there. At the same time, that's why it is important to know self defense. I don't think I had always much choice other than to go into these things, either. Still, in other parts of the world, there is relatively little of this random violence from strangers, or on the street. In Berlin, you don't hear about not being able to walk around after 1 AM or whatever it is. Then again, most "respectable" women don't go out alone after 11PM. The world is still that way. Personally, I do go out after 11 pm or 4am and....... I guess I'm not a respectable woman. I'm a freak But I prefer nighttime. And so far, so good. I read an article in my astrology mag about the goddess Hecate, who rules nighttime. Maybe I have some kind of tie to her.

Friday, October 14, 2005

back into the loop

So I've been sending out resumes for job jobs and acting. I think I'll only focus on what I want.....I won't work in a cubicle, or at least I know I don't have to now. That's right! I will work with people, for beauty and glamour, making people happy.....I don't have to be stuck in an office doing something I hate and working with.....well I won't say. I can be in a job where I look nice and am out in the world socializing and in which aesthetics matter, cause they do!!!! And I don't miss getting up at 6 AM but if I work on films' I'll have to, but that's different from an office job. So much of acting is unglamorous, too, though: the hours sending out resumes and writing them and making phone calls, alwasy rushing to be somewhere, always late for something else, and now I have to be available at all times, if I want to make any money. But I'm making progress, slowly, but I am.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

new life

has me up crazy hours and I'm so tired. Quite a lot is going on. I think I'll just save save and then jet. I'm really serious about this. I want to move to London. And see Ireland. Or is that just running away? Don't know. My astrology says there's a powerful time coming up for me.

Right now I'm trying to catch this feral cat of Garrett's that it's my fault she's loose, and I'm sick of it. So tired now. I've been up all night with little rest.