oh lovelies

Monday, September 24, 2007

so I was followed, yet again

walking home on Myrtle Ave when I went out to get some dinner. This Mexican guy in a yellow shirt was walking behind me (this another reason why I can't stand people walking closely behind me) and he turned when I turned. The street was getting darker, and I had my suspicions about him because ....well, I could just tell. I started walking closer to Myrtle, turned around and saw him staring at me, and yelled out, "Is there some reason why you're following me?" I started walking back and said, "I'm gonna fucking report you." Actually I yelled it. These Orthodox men saw me and were staring at both of us. I ended up walking the long way back to my place. I had to go out of my way because of this idiot. I don't know what his motives were; if he was trying to flirt or get under my skin or something worse. You don't know their intentions until it's too late. I wasn't dressed at all attractive: I couldn't have looked much frumpier. I was wearing jeans, a jean jacket, my hair in a ponytail....and sneakers. The same Converse that are de rigeur at all of these cheering/protests I've gone to and around the hip/activist communities...but I looked pretty butch, really. I was feeling unattractive, too. And I was in a bad mood. I don't want to say anything that will put anyone in a bad place, but I was feeling let down by men and women. Between what David B did and ....well, I could go on and on.....but women are just as bad; they're vindictive and vicious and I just feel like there's no one out there, really. There's no one to turn to. I don't know why women are so hostile to me, why I make them so angry. I can see it in their eyes and feel it. Out of the blue, they're this way. Maybe they have borderline personality disorder or any number of things. Maybe it isn't me; it's them. I'm trying not to........

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

new harassment cheer

made this up on the spot

hey you mr. harasser
come any closer I'm gonna kick your asser!

come up to me and gyrate
you think you have the right?
you don't have the right
cause I'm gonna stand up and fight

stand too close, lookin at me
you think you have the right?
you don't have the right
cause whose night is it, my night!

tired of your "scoring"
it's getting really boring
I don't get out of bed for you
so yeah you know what to do!

I'll modify some more.....later

and this, to the tune of American Life by Madonna

(regarding the two-facedness and censorship, we've been subject to; ....)

The New Morality (ok, the band SFA had an album with this title gotta give credit where it's due but I wrote my own version)

Do I have to change my words?
did I go too far?
do I have to make up lies?
will the camera make me a star?

I sometimes was a nun
I sometimes was a whore
I sometimes was a wreck
I had to be the best

I guess I did it wrong
that's why I'm singing this song

this new morality
is it for real?
this new morality
nothing is free

so I went to a meeting
looking for sympathy
a little company
another female friend
it's more easily said
it's always been this way
this new morality
is it for real
this new morality
nothing is free

new morality
I live the new morality
you are not what you seem
you are not just a dream

I tried to get ahead
tried to tell them off
tried to change them all
somehow I forgot
just who I did it for
and why I wanted more
this new morality
is it for real
this new morality
nothing is free

(the rap part I'm working on...hmm....suggestions?)

From the web site

From the web site

boycott Procter & Gamble

P&G products to boycott

List up-to-date as of March 2006


Ace ~ laundry
Always & Alldays ~ feminine hygiene
Ariel - laundry
Aussie ~ hair care


Baldessarini ~ fragrance
Bold ~ laundry
Born Blonde ~ hair dye
Bounce ~ laundry
Bounty ~ kitchen roll
Braun ~ electric shavers etc


Camay ~ soap
Charmin ~ loo roll
Crest ~ toothpaste


Daz ~ laundry
Dreft ~ laundry
Duracell ~ batteries


Eukanuba ~ pet food


Fairy ~ various cleaning products
Febreze ~ fabric spray
Fixodent ~ denture fixer
Flash ~ cleaning product


Gillette ~ shaving products
Giorgio Beverley Hills ~ fragrance
Glide ~ dental floss


Head & Shoulders ~ shampoos
Herbal Essences ~ shampoos
Hugo Boss ~ fragrances
Hydrience ~ hair dye


IAMS ~ pet food
Infacare ~ baby wash


Jean Patou/Joy ~ fragrances


Lacoste ~ fragrance
Lasting Care ~ hair dye
Laura Biagiotti ~ fragrance
Lenor ~ fabric softener
Loving Care ~ hair dye


Max Factor ~ make up
Mum ~ deodorant


Nice n Easy ~ hair dye
Noxema ~ shaving foam


Olay ~ skin care
Old Spice ~ fragrance
Oral B ~ dental products


Pampers ~ disposable nappies
Pantene Pro V ~ shampoo
Pringles ~ snack food


Silvikrin ~ hair care
SK-II ~ skin care
Shockwaves ~ hair products


Tampax ~ feminine hygiene
Tempo ~ tissues


Viakal ~ bathroom cleaner
Vortex ~ bleach


Wash n Go ~ shampoo
Wella ~ range of hair products


Zest ~ soap

just because you find me interesting doesn't mean you're entitled to me

Bob Dylan once said, "Just because you like my stuff doesn't mean I owe you anything."

I'm so sick of people staring at me .................. or whatever it is. This may come as a shock, but I'm not out here to entertain you, at least not right now. Just because I'm out in public doesn't give you a right to invade my space which includes leering at me when I'm not responding to you--that in itself is a hint. I don't need whole families staring at me and smiling at me--I hate that, I really do--when I just want to be left to my own business. I know, I know, they're trying to be friendly and they're well-meaning. Sometimes, though--people's good intentions are worse than bad ones. Someone once made a comment that people's "friendliness" is a way of them asserting their power, something like that. It's the mask of friendliness. Beneath the exterior....if you don't respond then the niceness turns to anger and they call you a bitch or threaten you, sometimes. Is that a friend? Why should I be your friend? Why do you automatically assume that I'm grateful to have you in my life or that I even want you in it? What have you done for me? Even if they DO do something for me, that's a power gesture as well. A friendship is selfless....it's hard to attain and it's something that builds up over time. Only time will tell who is a friend and who is not. Why should I trust you? What have you done to prove your trustworthiness? People do have hidden agendas, at times. And furthermore, my life is none of your business. A true friend respects that--boundaries. You have to have standards--and privacy--that's a form of asserting your own power, or getting others to respect you. When someone has power over another and doesn't respect their boundaries--even if it's in a "friendly" way, or especially--that's a way of .............. It's worse when people say, "I'm only trying to be your friend," and appear hurt, innocent, bewildered.....than if they're outright hostile even though the hostility is underneath the surface. Underneath it all they're resentful, that you're doing something independent of them. Just my take on it. And the "innocence" on their part is a way to make themselves appear as nice even when they may not really be. Or maybe they are genuine--but I can tell when someone is and when someone isn't--when they are then I can forgive it and live with it; but many times they're not.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

or something

cause every fucking thing of mine is not working right now. my phone, my computer (server problems.....argh!) I can't LIVE --well, really I can live without these things, but I am used to having them, so when I don't, I go into a bad panic.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

he got what he wanted

that's what pisses me off. He shouldn't have. I let it happen. I am a big, big sucker.

I say I'm over him, but sometimes in my worse moods I think of him, imagine myself telling him to go lie down in front of a bus. Or worse. Sometimes I still feel that same anger. Other times, nothing. Not like, love, hate, anger....nothing.


I went to this anti war march today in dc. Just got back. I'm physically and mentally fatigued. People were arrested. I read the Tarot cards last night about this march, asking if I should go, and got the Devil card. One of the meanings of the Devil is imprisonment, or chains. I figured that was a way of saying arrests would be made. Thing is, this didn't go according to plan, to me. I ended up ditching these people I was with. It wasn't my intention. But one thing led to another and I ended up on the other side of town, in Chinatown. I had developed some.....complications that were making it almost impossible for me to jump up and down and cheer. I had to get medicine, and food. Not that I want to write about this much. But those are painful. I had to do something about it. The people I was with were not happy. I couldn't make a call because my phone died, and there was no way to even call from a pay phone. I couldn't really explain the whole story. I said I had some medical problems and I don't think I was believed. Not just that: it was a boring protest where people just sat in the grass, and there weren't enough crazy people or anarchists or artists people who make these things worthwhile. I give credit where it's due: so many people, including the war vets--who I really liked and have total respect and admiration for--I mean young guys who had returned from Iraq and Afghanistan--and others like me who sacrificed a part of their lives and money as well and woke at the crack of dawn to come down there and stand up for a cause they believe in and I'm not writing about them. They made this worth it and reassured me that, despite everything, I was doing the right thing. But the energy of this protest was democratic and these fucking speeches......how many is too many? Especially when I couldn't understand anyone. I can't get into camping out on the grass. Then my problem started flaring up and I couldn't ignore it and I needed coffee and food. I have to have coffee in the morning. I am a brat, I was a little bitch for what I did.....I really didn't mean to do it. But "it" wasn't there somehow. I don't know. Although it had its good moments.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

why am I still

attracted to I why why his voice is hot (to me) why is it? he has OCD he takes pictures of himself with cardboard cutouts of the president(s) he's getting a chubby stomach he reminds me of my grandfather flakes out on me.....why do I feel this way? maybe I need some insanity in my life or just to go uptown or I'm really obsessed with in love with Columbia U and the campus to the point where I'm --it's sexaul.....just finished The Strawberry Statement----- awesome ----you know when you just get that --something just registers in you when you see a place? It's what happened to me when I arrived in Paris I...........just sense something.....so he's rich he must be to live where he does and I'm a militant feminist pinko cunt .............he says he's 23 then that he's 26 -- he asked me, "How old do you think I am?" I guessed late 20s to early 30s. He said, "I'm 23. I lead a very stressful life. That's why my hair is falling out." Months later he calls again, and says, "I don't know why I told you I'm 23. I'm 26." The best sex I have is with weirdos I don't know.............