oh lovelies

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

what i want?

Someone asked me my "goals." Yes I do have them. I don't just float around la de da....

what i want

movie roles : work with Quentin Tarantino, Oliver Stone, Martin Scorcese, there is a multitude of great directors but .....


better paying gigs

better love life where we see eachother at least once or twice a week, are loyal no bs no third parties or head trips, are loving, honest, mutually giving

finish songs and have a demo, then recording contract

better dance technique

more dance performances around the city with backup dancers,

better singer, be a

travel to colombia (really all of Central and South America), *LA*, france, berlin, for starters

to drive, get a car

speak better French, German, Spanish

more money more money catch up on debts, totalling a few grand

finish tax stuff

health insurance......mail, letter, ect ect

better headshots

role in a shakespeare play

dance, acting classes

get rid of old emotional garbage (God knows i try)

better face cream

renew gym membership

be better read: Love in the Time of Cholera; Shakespeare....Othello, Twelfth Night; try to get through Being and Nothingness, Henry Miller

write? hmm.....script, memoir or beginnings of....

to find out what's going on, as something is. and what the hell is it?

THAT yeah, I know, have to get to the bottom of that....

The top rune represents a force that works for you. Gebo means gift, and like any gifts, the rune may be understood on many levels. Gifts are generally positive things, for both the giver and the recipient. In many cultures however, gifts and favors carry with them an obligation to respond in kind. It is for this reason that gifts, and hence the rune Gebo, are frequently symbolic of friendships, marriages, alliances, mergers, and other bonds between people or organizations. Gebo is a strong rune and the unions represented are strong as well. Moreover, Gebo is not reversible, as true friendships are not easily undone.

Monday, July 20, 2009

fiction.....essex st or ludlow?

late late.....please. I pray. In the bathroom stall at one of these bars.....outside in the bar stools....some frat boys, couples. not me. I need to make money. I pray. This must work. I know this works. I need money. Let me meet someone. I can't go into all of this.....
I go out, I'm in a skimpy little exercise outfit, and yes I see the looks in their eyes. I'm a whore to them. To them. They don't know me. They'll never know me. And that is sad.
no....no I don't pick up guys on the street. I know nothing about that. God knows i'm not a streetwalker. But should I be? I'm doing something wrong. There must be......there must be.....
What am I doing wrong? I'm still pretty. I'm great. Where's the money? If I do descend .......if I did....I'd be lying by a pool somewhere in Switzerland.....waited on hand and foot. Or if I'd stayed there, the same. I'd have a guy who's young, cute AND rich. Who worships my baby pinkie. I should tell ---- that. This is what I gave up....well I didn't entirely. But I'm not there, I'm here. Somewhere I made that choice. I'd live well otherwise....and die of boredom. So I choose to stay on the LES poor. But I don't have to be. Right? Did I make the right choice?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

What can I be more than sorry?
But thank you also. To whoever, whatever . Thank you. That I'm still here, that the girl next to me stopped cracking her knuckles, that.....

Most people don't know me. But I'll let you in on a piece of myself, that I never have before. I've learned to forgive. And I mean a lot. Or maybe there's nothing to be vexed about the way I had thought. Really I've been blessed. In so many ways. It just never felt that way. What you send out to the world is what comes back. I didn't think that way before but now I do. So, cheesy as it may sound, I try to send good out to the world. I never intended to do otherwise, but I did. Have I done stupid things? A multitude. But when things were great I didn't know they were. So now I should.
So if I'm a whore to them, then...... hell, I'm not the first and I won't be the last. Really, they're jealous, of my, of others' sexual power. So let me use that as well.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

The card represents the critical factor for the issue at hand.

The High Priestess: A pure, exalted and gracious influence. Education, knowledge, wisdom, and esoteric teachings. The forces of nature. Intuition, foresight, and spiritual revelation of the most mysterious and arcane sort.

Monday, July 06, 2009

ha! they know what they're talking about

I quote from Magi Astrology:

Activation: ROM/R= -120. SEX/R= +50. CMPT/R= -150. INFIDELITY CLASH. This clash can be a problem if you are contemplating a serious relationship with this person. When a couple has this Clash, the chances of infidelity are increased because of the adventurous and independent nature of Uranus. You should also beware of having even just an affair with this person. If you are married or committed, but are looking for a fling, this person is not the one. This Clash often gives this person both the ability and the desire to bring turmoil into whatever other relationship you already have.

It's vice versa two with us....both ways