fiction.....essex st or ludlow?

late late.....please. I pray. In the bathroom stall at one of these bars.....outside in the bar stools....some frat boys, couples. not me. I need to make money. I pray. This must work. I know this works. I need money. Let me meet someone. I can't go into all of this.....
I go out, I'm in a skimpy little exercise outfit, and yes I see the looks in their eyes. I'm a whore to them. To them. They don't know me. They'll never know me. And that is sad.
no....no I don't pick up guys on the street. I know nothing about that. God knows i'm not a streetwalker. But should I be? I'm doing something wrong. There must be......there must be..... What am I doing wrong? I'm still pretty. I'm great. Where's the money? If I do descend .......if I did....I'd be lying by a pool somewhere in Switzerland.....waited on hand and foot. Or if I'd stayed there, the same. I'd have a guy who's young, cute AND rich. Who worships my baby pinkie. I should tell ---- that. This is what I gave up....well I didn't entirely. But I'm not there, I'm here. Somewhere I made that choice. I'd live well otherwise....and die of boredom. So I choose to stay on the LES poor. But I don't have to be. Right? Did I make the right choice?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

What can I be more than sorry?
But thank you also. To whoever, whatever . Thank you. That I'm still here, that the girl next to me stopped cracking her knuckles, that.....

Most people don't know me. But I'll let you in on a piece of myself, that I never have before. I've learned to forgive. And I mean a lot. Or maybe there's nothing to be vexed about the way I had thought. Really I've been blessed. In so many ways. It just never felt that way. What you send out to the world is what comes back. I didn't think that way before but now I do. So, cheesy as it may sound, I try to send good out to the world. I never intended to do otherwise, but I did. Have I done stupid things? A multitude. But when things were great I didn't know they were. So now I should.
So if I'm a whore to them, then...... hell, I'm not the first and I won't be the last. Really, they're jealous, of my, of others' sexual power. So let me use that as well.