oh lovelies

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Black Mambas

African snake.......pretty bad bastard....!

11. Brothers Love Dubs - 1-800 Ming (Rui Da Silva Remix) - GU019 - CD1 b...

I know I go on and on about this but this particular....what is it now? A CD? An album? A ipod list whatever it is now......it has....I do think this is one of the BEST recordings ever.....I know this is morbid, but I bought this back in the summer 2000 and this is one of the rare instances it's worth actually buying the whole CD cause you'd have to listen to it straight through. Just because I'm the cheapest person in the world. I don't buy anything. I don't steal it. I just don't HAVE anything cause I don't spend. But this is one of the exceptions. There. That's a compliment from me. But I ......listened to this all that year and through the summer. I kind of....in my head I associate it with......well never mind I won't go into it. Anyway.

Friday, December 23, 2011

treat others as you want to be treated then maybe they won't run from you

I'm always hearing men say that nice guys finish last. Really it's more like this: someone acts like an asshole to people and does terrible things to them; then doesn't understand why people can't stand them and don't want to be around them. You fuck people over then wonder why they don't want to....well I could be crude but I won't be. You know. Is it really that hard to figure out? Why....you know, if people are tensing up, looking away, leaving the room as you walk into it......if people move away as you move toward them, if they are blowing you off, if they are leaving you......you have to ask yourself why at some point and maybe you did something. Now, not all the time is this true. But often it is. You treat people badly you're mean to everyone, or some, what do you expect? Do you expect them to like you?

Conversely, on another subject, I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I did wrong or caused harm. I'm really sorry.

There are those, however, who did this to me and purposely, knowingly so. Yes there are those who have it worse. Yes, sometimes I fuck up and make my own bed. But not always. Sometimes it IS the fault of others. This unfortunately happened in the past 24 hours....I should not have to suffer for this dirtball's wrongful behavior. You can't make excuses for yourself when you're grown up, well into your 30s.....hell you're not five years old anymore. OK. there. That's it for now.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Fleetwood Mac Not That Funny 0001

Shulamith Firestone wrote about "The Myth of Childhood." I really was never a kid. Ever. Age four and five....I didn't listen to little kids' music.....even then I was into dance stuff, I mean like disco/house/club music.........I had some friends my age, and some enemies too. Most of my friends were older than me, many age 40 and older. That's when I was around seven. No, they weren't molesting me...........lol.........Where am I going with this.....? this is how I found out about this stuff.....much of it.....

My thing for Daryl Hall, age 10 or so

Too young to really understand it all......just because there's a part of me that likes somewhat, not too, feminine men......I said before I'm not into blond men. He's probably one of very few exceptions......very interesting and very cool person in reality............ , you know....................I guess....I said this before.....but in Chicago growing up I was exposed to the creme de la creme of artists, socialites, dancers.....my dad's neighbor was a record promoter, so we were constantly getting previews of everything that was coming out, before it went to the radio stations. A lot of the most, the  better more brilliant stuff didn't make the airwaves. The other material on these artists' records is often much better, but mostly unheard. That is, until I come into the picture.

slept slept and slept

when I got back to the apt around 7am earlier today I fell asleep, in my sweat clothes......didn't wake up til around 5:30 in the evening. Showered.....fell asleep for another 6 hours. I haven't had that much sleep in years.....don't think. I feel like I'm not in myself, but I'm still alive.

After working on my new material through the night cuz.....for all it's problems, the place I go to is open 24 hours now for finals....but there's no one here.....so I can do my stuff with almost no distractions even though it's cold, bleak and depressing in this neighborhood......especially in winter. But I'm grateful beyond words for this.....really. For this reason, now that my gym is not open 24 hours anymore ( and my favorite club is closed ( but there's this for now. And all the weirdos who hang out here at night know me now. At my old gym I could go in at 1am rehearse whatever I was working on in the exercise room upstairs and no one would bother me. Then get on the train at 5 am. This time realistically there's no one around and I can really concentrate. it's hard, however, to read my own words. That's the challenge. I need to memorize it still. Tomorrow.....

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Friday, December 16, 2011

Britney Spears before and after

She was driven to this by the cult ..............that someone can do this to a person. http://www.judiciaryreport.com/britneys_bugged_bear.htm  well this is what was written by others, not me. She started out young, beautiful and talented (at least she could dance, definitely) but those who were envious (hmmmm, who could that be?) deliberately worked against her but don't take my word for it.....check it out the information is out there............

oh also

The Kardashians, upstanding individuals that they are, attempted to have my site deleted; completely illegally. This I've found out. I ask people....well....I guess I don't have to ask. It's already happening. May their wretched 15 minutes burn into the dust.

*It* at it again

very distressed in ways.......like a tornadoe......not right not right and yes I am PISSED

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE BACK OFF !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Peter Frampton - Show Me the Way

So.....if you were a teenage girl back in the 70s who would your "Justin Timberlake/Justin Bieber" (hmmm......a theme going with this name? ) be....Peter Frampton......pretty boys I think they tend to be most popular..... I know about him from having read, a long time ago...in my early teens, a book called Falling in Place, by Anne Beattie where the girl is obsessed with Peter Frampton and rubs herself all over his poster. Suburban white trash? The characters aren't really.......the author portrays them without any sentimentality.
Hm. I don't think I would have chosen him, just cause I'm not into blonds, as men. For the most part. I tend to like brown and black hair. Brunets? Is that the masculine of Brunette? Oh, but wait a minute.....whose is his hair like? Maybe that was subconscious.....

today...slept for what felt like countless hours

I was dancing yesterday.....performed last night.....my arms and thighs were bruised.....

then what bizarre dreams I remember just cause I was woken by a noise......I always always dream about water only this time it was dirty. I had these little candles I lit two......one burned faster than the other though I didn't know which one....(Edna St. Vincent Millay "My candle burns at both ends....." ) then I walked past a building where someone, a man I know, I thought it was him....but it morphed into an Orthodox woman in a building where Hasidim were living.....though I thought a friend had told me he lived there.

Then that I was told someone I knew said something about someone I met.....OK I'm holding back I can't give away too much......but that was very upsetting to me. I woke up and ..... only a dream.

Oh yes. That someone I ....this a singer, that I had been drawn to this summer......was stepping into a lake or river of very choppy water, not really clean, like the Hudson River. I was telling him not to do it but he did....going down steps. There was a motorboat or something I was on, or supposed to be on (I get this all the time though the water changes).....and I realize I left some candles I'd bought on a boat across the water.....I'd have to get over it, through it to get them. Who knows? I usually don't understand til later.

River of Dreams by ~ldiehl 

Thursday, December 15, 2011


on the up side it's pretty funny. VERY funny.

Last night at St. Marks was awesome the night was great......thanks All! Killy Dwyer's was brilliant and hilarious....as..."Fuck"? I think that was her character's name.

writing, lists, stuff......

now in the fun process of organizing the legion pages I printed out.....lists of stuff to get done.....clothes to be washed.....projects, needs, goals desires. Hey it's pretty simple yet so complicated......how did this get the size of Gone With the Wind.....? I wrote out so much by hand, it's now sore, I'm left handed.......there's more that I will post soon.

Monday, December 12, 2011

oops forgot to title Sea Mirror Revised again

the mirrors sea
had to be

seas too many

strawberry  skin 
that's me

the sea is a  mirror
all of them are me
sea is a mirror 
all of them are me

so hot, white hot hits me
so hot, white hot hits me

this a mirror this the sea
all this bubbly white washes over me

lights are fragments
it's me, me on a hill 
she is underwater me, me on a hill

I'm in a mirror 
something falls over me 
something falls over me 
something falls wet, sea salt
there are two of them 
there are two of them 
brother twin he's mine 

return what was lost I'm in all that I'm in
a mirror is the sea
sea is the mirror

it's meant to be that's mine
meant to be that's mine
through me around me meant to be that's mine

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Thursday, December 08, 2011

John Henry Draize

I had to edit this for clarity a little embarrassing. I sound like one of those fundamentalist preachers really what I meant is................influenced by something I read..........if there's a way to torture a person's soul or if people can suffer in the afterlife then honestly this is one who has it long coming you know.  Whatever your view of "hell" is I'd say ..........the I think it was Prometheus, was condemned to having his liver eaten forever. Eh.

Monday, December 05, 2011

Golden earring - Twilight zone

I remember, as a kid, playing hide and seek and this song being on the radio. This video is a fucking amazing. Love the dancing fembot fatales

Saturday, December 03, 2011

youtube and life

and else where......quite a lot of meanness, viciousness really. I've had it directed at me and I've seen it at others. People who didn't deserve that. What do you do? It's very traumatizing. It becomes......when your trust is violated it's very hard to go back. What can you do besides remove those individuals from your life completely? Just get away.


I read, in a book on the late choreographer Balanchine, that he said the most important thing a dancer can do is "tendues" basically just pointing the foot and bringing it back toward you incredibly simple......

enough said

I'm not taking this any further. Not here anyway. "It" clearly has a problem with female artists and female genius but well, yeah, anyway.......

if you want to know how far it's gone

"it" even has reached out to my friends and family to try to turn them against me and start stuff......to rip apart me from the inside and tear apart my family life and personal friendships with people. People who are again innocent and have nothing to do with this whole thing are being harassed by this sick monster.


that evil "it" is at it again. that explains everything. I'll leave it at that; I've written on it elsewhere.

And finally; look, things are what they are and I call them as they see them. What I write is not all nice; life isn't always nice. What more can I say? I'm very .....I was horribly ripped apart last night and devastated by ..............I just was put through a hell and torture that continued til this morning. I'm grateful for its end. You can't really expect me to be nice and cheerful while this is happening, and it reflects in what I write. It is what it is.

after this

start over. start the whole day over. the whole day. start the whole day over.


I wrote some stuff I may or may not publish. I'm distressed beyond all words. Morning was awful, but daytime never sits well with me. Horrible. And a devastating betrayal and slash from someone who ought to care but well what else is new.

Friday, December 02, 2011

NYC Nightlife

 Back in the late 90s, the nightclub Limelight became embroiled in controversy over an alleged murder; excuse me I'm editing for clarity: Someone was murdered, and the main suspect was Limelight club promoter Michael Alig; who it turns out was guilty: in a heroin-induced psychosis murdered his lover, Angel Mendez, I believe was his name. Limelight gained the reputation of being a drug den of degenerate.....? Killer drag queens? I was obsessed with this whole matter and read the New Yorker story hundreds of times......the owner of Limelight was Peter Gatien.....I'm not going to go into the whole thing here because ......that's a book in itself. This is all the subject of the film Party Monster and a new documentary. Reading this article, because a) I'm psychic and b) I was a on off club kid myself who worshiped techno/rave music and the scene..............I knew something was way off and being really severely distorted if not lied about. Fast forward 13 years whatever it's been; lo and behold I was right.....this so called "Quality of Life" campaign which was a euphemism for a human rights assault on artists and anyone in the.....what do you say? Underground non conformist community; smear, slander, harass, rob I'm calling it what it was. Look at the pictures of these kids and the ones of Lady Gaga.....what a coincidence! And you thought she invented this weirdness herself? I have nothing against her....you know I like her videos she has a certain appeal but in no way did she invent her own image or most of her music. In other words, "Quality of Life" was a, dare I say it? a farce and a .....dare I say? Lie. Peter Gatien was portrayed as a dangerous, deviant and hardened criminal who was conspiring to kill kids with illegal drugs (even though he himself had three kids) and so on and so forth.....was finally deported to his native Canada, and subsequently robbed. If I have this story right.....Gatien said that the police infiltrated and went underground into his clubs to buy drugs, to prove they were being sold and make a bust. They managed to make four buys of small bags of grass. That's it. Hundreds of thousands of people went to these places every week. This is a quote from Gatien, "I got acquitted for the drug charges in three hours after a five-week trial. The Feds win 99 percent of their cases, but I had a great lawyer, Ben Brafman [who represented DSK recently]. It was a major embarrassment to the Feds that they lost that case." http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2011/09/22/peter-gatien-looks-back-at-mick-jagger-guns-n-roses-the-limelight-club.html


He then said Guiliani destroyed NYC in so many words. Mr. "Quality of Life" who also allegedly, though I'd have to really look into this but it's probably true, said pole dancers are strippers (therefore criminals) because he's the expert on pole dancing.

But hey don't take my word for it read the stuff yourself and see. The level of fraud going on is......it's just unbelievable. I knew it. I knew something was off.