oh lovelies

Monday, June 30, 2014

More on Elliott Rodger

Go on youtube and see for yourself.....been watching stuff on this for hours. Won't even go into it.....but this song by the Doors "when you're strange.....people are strange when you're a stranger faces look ugly when you're alone....." is on the radio.....at B cup (my bra size) ......this place makes amazing lemonade with fresh mint. After 5 pm toss in some rum you have a summer mojito......
Ah yes it hot me.....yes total revenge of the nerds......remember Carrie's carnage? Boy there is more to this......


Completely obsessed with these videos.......Malcolm X, whose autobiography I read and it's amazing, said who controls the media controls the masses and makes the innocent guilty and guilty innocent.....(Jodi Arias, Amanda Knox) but what about before there was media? Back in the days of Joan of Arc or the witch trials of Salem there were no newspapers or TV but there was the ability to stir up mass hysteria to the point where someone was believed to be a witch when they were not and the real witches ......didn't even walk between the floorboards they were out in the open about it but were never put on trial. Partly I suppose because they had brains and perhaps people really feared them. Just speculating..... or even Jesus had a crowd following jim to his execution. I could go on and on with examples of this but this kind of naming and shaming is particularly acute with women. Find yourself in the wrong situation any remote sexual thing you ever did is magnified countless times. Anything as anything. Amanda Knox was carted away in what looked like a cage speaking of medieval.....always have a hard time spelling that. 


Saturday, June 28, 2014

He is.....

Saw another spider

I was washing rather running water in the bathtub and saw what I thought was dirt but it was a spider maybe the size of my fingerprint, black. Lordie me I don't know what kind. It was struggling to climb up the wet tub I slid a towel its way to help it. Crawling toward me. After not a good two days.....I am feeling red flowing love and blood in me opening up and spilling out also in my heart cloud of cold black hate and god that is not in me.....walking on 13th street I was hearing beautiful but cryptic and haunting music.....like I was dreaming. Kept walking.....out of another bar I heard happy bouncing music thinking this is out of place but then I looked in and it was dark so you could barely see with red lights and then another red and black bar not so much hell but like Hades or the stories of the underworld. I have been reading about trauma and how it splits a person's psyche in pieces and people become multiple personalities not like schizophrenia but more like psychologically a new self is "born".....one splits off and disassociates. I at times felt myself outside myself seeing down .....another "me" somewhere in me took over. I felt physically sick and have been. I am better now. Like something happened to me but that never really happened. My soul psyche splintered into a million pieces. If time is a dimension and there are several parallel universes and somewhere my personal drama is being repeated as is everyone's.....I felt like the devil, or something, was sitting beside me was in me.....cheesy Murray Head song.....but like I am lucid and awake but in a dream state. This without any drugs btw.....after feeling awful and like I was crushed and sliced open by a recent event suddenly seeing the spider omen of luck I somehow escaped death so I am thankful for that.....

Monday, June 23, 2014


Dreamt I was preparing to go onstage and dance, then I did, but forgot the music. Steps were right. The song in my head was by Cirrus.

Saturday, June 21, 2014

Velvet the book Alec Kalla and MJ Sullivan

I eat this stuff up but I guess that's human nature. Solving them. I read Sir Arthur Conan Doyle earlier this year which gave me insight when watching the show Sherlock.
......this character Hank Easton for all his chauvinism is quite likable...
..I went into a restaurant this morning and the Pixies song "Where is my Mind" was on the radio.....many bone chilling coincidences.....that was used on a freaky episode of Criminal Minds. Sylvia Plath wrote : "a grey wall clawed and bloody/is there no way out of the mind?"

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

McDs in the UK

the UK is infamous for its food I can remember ordering a veggie Burger with "salad" which turned out to be a piece of lettuce and tomato. I have to say French Mac Donald's and Swiss had amazing "coffee" even in the UK their version of Starbucks was also and I am very sensitive to coffee I rarely drink it. In France and Switzerland they give you a little piece of chocolate with what is like cafe con leche the only good ones I ever had in NYC I got at a Dominican restaurant in Washington Heights where I lived summer of 2000.....having left a guy and starting my new life.....then......John Digweeds LA mix had just come out and was a huge suceess and genius .....anyway this video has some nice 20s ragtime/Dixieland music in the background.


educational video


Tuesday, June 17, 2014

venus in the am

one better aspect of hauling ass out of be at ungodly early hours.....seeing the venus planet in the sky. in the east.....

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Elliot Rodger cont'd

I have to say whatever his story is I just saw a picture of him in the dark it almost gave me a heart attack.....

Elliot Rodger mispelled his name sorry

According to Wikipedia he uploaded the YouTube video at 9:17 pm or in police/military time 2100 hours 17 minutes something like that this other site says they were uploaded 10 hours later than that so.....? confused.

Elliot Roger continued.....

Why do these things come in a flash? I have to take time out of my day to write it as it comes.......despite my busy schedule. But so it is. I don't even like to read though I do.....not enough. Lately my reading has been online and youtube videos. I read people's everyday testimonies rather than Camut who my sister reads. I have read Simone de Beauvoir though and she wrote about the "ennui" that engulfs Hollywood among other places and the atmosphere of boredom I mean this is her not me. But I felt that immediately watching these videos. The objectification of people and obsession with things like cars which like humans fall prey to thermodynamics inevitably. So.....I'm just not materialistic and the people I know who are I wish I did not know. I have never met a person obsessed with objects who did not also have a serial killer mentality not to mention a complete lack of morals. Not saying don't have nice stuff or have nothing but to have something to apply to good use in your life is one thing. To have it just to have it is a way of hiding something. Anyway......maybe that's a telling thing right there. I watched part of a French film La Ceremonies which speaks of the same atmosphere of boredom in the French bourgeoisie which drives two female servants to senseless killing so it isn't just America. Still......facts be told if he shot himself in his car why is the window broken and nearly gone and there no blood? There should be blood everywhere. Even in the videos there is a glare of sunlight on the screen it could be reflecting from the camera lens but it looks like a window reflection. So.....this is my take so far.

That last post immediately got a ton of hits from all over the world. But yes, if this video was intended for youtube why was it uploaded after his death? And he went on a rant in one video about a couple making out in front of him but you cant see them.

Elliot Roger

This morning I watched his "Manifesto" video. At least as much as I could before honestly getting a little bored as he seemed to be repeating himself. I have to say it doesn't make sense. He is pissed off over being rejected and given it could be a high school situation that I am thankful I never went through. I was bullied in elementary and junior high and the truth is when you're under attack that trauma you went through never leaves you. I will always be thankful for whatever it is that kept me going, kept me alive. I recently had something revealed to me that I am always grateful for. As bad as things felt and seemed at times it felt like the end but after all it wasn't. There's so much I'd have missed if I had ended it there. But that doesn't seem to be the situation here no one was attacking this guy and he had a million options therapy and medication among them, truthfully he could have paid for sex this is southern California. I have known men far less attractive than him who had girlfriends and sex in their lives thes mens personalities worse than their looks. Elliot Roger's birthday is July 24 one day before mine. There are legions of youtube videos saying this was staged and fake so if this guy is an actor where is he now? His features are very distinguishable do they have plastic surgery? What would be the point of faking your life and identity then disappearing from public view? I've heard of people faking death for the same reasons.......to escape fame anything is possible. but not being there physically how can I tell?

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Jesus was a "bitch"?

yes lets face it all religions derived from others but
forgive me I am writing sloppily I am worn out and not really inspired but nonetheless it has to be said somehow. this due to some things in my personal life I was reading about revelations and the number seven is prominent in my life (July 25) but it lead me to the story of Inanna which I read many years ago but forgot. anyway the story is she descended to the underworld (seven of them as well as seven heavens) and this time with her husband managed to fight her way out......I was born on Sunday Sabbath Day too.......my mom had a canvas embroidery of that poem on her wall.....watching the news lordie another school shooting! I don't know if these stories are real or not I wasn't there, as per last post.......merely reporting on what I see.....anyhow yes I know well the story of Persephone which is also highly similar to the Jesus resurrection.....many if not all.cultures have one similar or nearly the same I just don't know them all. in my personal experience..... this is heavy. I don't know if I can go into this.....

Sunday, June 08, 2014

So-CALled hoax?

This is so sick but God its brilliant.......
The premise being that the tragedy in what was it? Island vista may have been staged I mean who knows.....I know people who went to elementary through high school in the barrios of NYC and Chicago with gun shots going through the windows, though maybe the difference was that gang members weren't targeting children intentionally as they are not without ethics.


Sunday, June 01, 2014

L and O

AMAZING EPISODE  of Law and Order CI

Luv me some Vincent D'Onofrio
…….Someone had complained about Hollywood stereotypes but I know that Central Casting was invented simply because it's true in film and TV people are cast according to type: jolly fat friend, buxom dumb blonde, high school football player, black gangster, Jewish lawyer ect I mean I'm not saying it's right but given that casting and filmmaking are expensive and short on time they don't try to decipher every actor's range and complexity there just; it would be more or less impossible so people are divided according to their head shots age range body/eye/height/weight/personality leading lady vs. character actor vs….whatever. . But…..shrug. I've sent out many head shots and been to many auditions it never really occurred to me I was always cast as the kooky red-haired side kick; once I…..and I think to myself I actually agreed to do this: was cast as a monkey, literally. I was in fairly good shape so I and a guy put on monkey noses and brown leotards and tights and jumped around in the Hunter College lounge, and made squeaking monkey noises. My boyfriend at the time wanted to come see this and I told him not to; please don't. Too bad they weren't making 2001:The Dawn of Man at the time I could have had a SAG/waiver role; if that counts as dialogue. I'm not saying stereotyping is inevitable: many films and shows have made efforts to go against that but it still goes on…….
I read that D'Onofrio after Full Metal Jacket had trouble getting cast as anything but the "fat guy" until he got in shape eventually ended up here. 
He's incredibly charismatic and……this show rocks period…..this episode in particular well I guess one that stands out.  Having been to a few funerals: I guess in my mind I wonder who does the work with corpses either as a medical examiner (I had thought of doing that) or mortician which I know I'd fuck up wouldn't even consider. On the show they talked about stuffing cotton in the person's butt and other stuff……oh God……On this show someone had protested that that goes against "God" I suppose blame the Egyptians didn't they invent embalming? So on this show they visit a crematorium I suppose that sparks a curiosity since my father was cremated. The ashes, or so-called, of one person are examined and it turns out they are mostly sawdust and not human. Oh yes, "repositioning" I mean I have to be curious about who does this. I read an essay by a girl who'd been a student of a professor I know that was fascinating about how she was studying to be a mortician in my mind I never thought of it much just Morticia Adams. I know, kind of dumb but that's what I think…….
I have dreams about a cemetery, really nightmares……that I used to visit with my best friend when I was around age 9 or 10.

Aeysha was a Scorpio and this one was right next door to the building we both lived in.  This cemetery was particularly just……I don't want to say "evil" but the vibe simply wasn't good. Maybe there was a ghost of a killer or someone who died a terrible death or……and I love cemeteries. This one is by Lake Michigan in Evanston near the Chicago border, Howard. The people who worked at this graveyard used to chase us and we had reason to be scared of them as we would always end up running out of there. Aeysha snuck into this place one Halloween with friends of hers though I wasn't there for that. Her sister once threw an amazing, amazing Halloween bash once I remember. I suppose this episode made me think of this plus: the times that family members passed on I was maybe fortunately for me not left with handling the details "Death is expensive, Miss Stella!" With my situation it'd be impossible maybe. Just found this!!!!! Cavalry Cemetery never even knew this was the name. If Seaweed Charlie ever came out of the lake I never saw him though I dream about it all the time to this day (Michigan) the rising of the tides and the waves would get pretty steep though compared to the ones in Hawaii they are probably pretty limp. The boy grave is particularly disturbing.

 But whatever. I never saw the ocean til I was eight, that or palm trees……when my aunt was kind enough to take me on a family trip to Fort Lauderdale.