oh lovelies

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Saw another spider

I was washing rather running water in the bathtub and saw what I thought was dirt but it was a spider maybe the size of my fingerprint, black. Lordie me I don't know what kind. It was struggling to climb up the wet tub I slid a towel its way to help it. Crawling toward me. After not a good two days.....I am feeling red flowing love and blood in me opening up and spilling out also in my heart cloud of cold black hate and god that is not in me.....walking on 13th street I was hearing beautiful but cryptic and haunting music.....like I was dreaming. Kept walking.....out of another bar I heard happy bouncing music thinking this is out of place but then I looked in and it was dark so you could barely see with red lights and then another red and black bar not so much hell but like Hades or the stories of the underworld. I have been reading about trauma and how it splits a person's psyche in pieces and people become multiple personalities not like schizophrenia but more like psychologically a new self is "born".....one splits off and disassociates. I at times felt myself outside myself seeing down .....another "me" somewhere in me took over. I felt physically sick and have been. I am better now. Like something happened to me but that never really happened. My soul psyche splintered into a million pieces. If time is a dimension and there are several parallel universes and somewhere my personal drama is being repeated as is everyone's.....I felt like the devil, or something, was sitting beside me was in me.....cheesy Murray Head song.....but like I am lucid and awake but in a dream state. This without any drugs btw.....after feeling awful and like I was crushed and sliced open by a recent event suddenly seeing the spider omen of luck I somehow escaped death so I am thankful for that.....

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