Monday, April 01, 2013
visions part two..have I the eyes of Laura Mars?
For some re reason that crashed my phone. I am just.....well for the first time I am putting down experiences that were just in my head. I do sense something of Justin my ex who has been .....I don't know what happened to him. Or Chris. Or Saurab my former roommate. I very strongly doubt Justin is guilty of anything he is accused of. Chris and his battles.....I mean I didnt create any of this. I went through stuff in the three subsequent years that could have killed me only by a hair's grace did I get out of that. I didnt deserve that. I cant stand to see my friends hurt you know? All this shit they are dealing with.....I should not suffer for as it's not of my doing. Their personal lives and whatnot. It hurts me to think of them hurting. But they alone chose the company they keep.....and what went on between them is between them and .....point is I can't help who they are or the decisions they make. I just wish things were happier and it gets lonely here. I managed to screw in 7 light bulbs by myself but.....I admit I wish there was a man here.....that I want here. You know. Not a friend or roommate. And not married.....and I wish I could get my cable box back. It turns out its far more complicated than I thought. I was reading on St. Claire how she is the patron saint of television. I am not Catholic and am more or less agnostic now. But the saints and the rituals around them are quite fascinating to me. I noticed St. Claire was mentioned in the film Rebecca.....maybe she is symbolic for things hidden coming to light, or clarity? I was watching some shows I got off Google play and the CBS app.....and I looked out of the corner of my eye toward my closet. Sigh.This I write after my phone crashed again! I saw....now it was dark except for my white candle.....and phone. Now yes its true I hung my black jacket which made a shadowy figure....in my head I suppose whatever. But it looked like a nun....but dark......dubious. And next to her a gremlin-like face....wrinkled, sinister.....heartless or emotion-less. I thought maybe that is St. Claire.....if so please fix my cable box?Or maybe a trickster disguised as her like the Black Swan. Maybe in my mind I understand. Emotional I am.