me.....this winter I think......thereabouts

Back in Jersey. Not there any more

found this site

http://ilovednewyork.com/2013/06/06/nyc-c-1985/


full of odds and ends from a different era.


People always say "it's different now" or "it was better then." Maybe they/we/whoever are only remembering the good and not the bad. I remember the better things before the not-so-good things. myself. But there's something for every time. so carpe diem. You miss it, it's gone. I learned that much.

1970s teens

Two girls Brooklyn ca. 1974 by Danny Lyon  Bushwick in the then 1974 (amazing site and more on the photograper!)

 B and W photo Jill Freedman


 Blonde is Martha Moxley, murder victim 


 I love looking at ..... I hate to say "old" at one time they were "new" but ......photos from the past. And in general. Not slicked up airbrushed ones but those that show the real people and settings. That's what inspired me to take a bunch of pictures today......and the documentary on Jodi Arias I watched where she talks about photography. So true. I enjoy being behind the camera .....being in front has its moments but it's very jarring too.



 "I watch the ripples change their size 
But never leave the stream 
Of warm impermanence and 
So the days float through my eyes 
But still the days seem the same"

  Lyrics by David Bowie

Subway rock

42nd st grand central

Subway another

This woman intrigued me

Subway

Girl on the left upset over something.

Park riverdale

Gorgeous

I wrote some brilliant tweets

Check out @lauramsaiter's Tweet: https://twitter.com/lauramsaiter/status/372206129964912640

Stalker is J's ex and she is attacking me and interfering in my relationships

Her aggression and malice toward me is breathtaking ......due to the fact that she is obsessed with Justin who wanted to marry me. She directly viciously divided me and J and is.....due to her hateful, cruel nature.....out of sheer malice.....attempting to do the same in a current relationship. I have been very unfortunate to step into a situation she is in. People who attempt to backstab think I don't know.......if they had any courage thy would confront me and the others they harm directly. They are not powerful or smart or courageous. who is anybody to interfere in anybody's relationship or career? Not only is it against the law (look it up) well there are the Pretenders "they'll fall to ruin one day/for making us part"........psalm 37 "their sword shall enter their oen heart/their bows shall be broken" I don't want to write her name.....I to my....saw her name this morning saw it and a bad sign.....I nearly vomited. She is a horrible person and mt whole life I have had to deal with people like her. People who....entitled? Somehow feel they have a right to do this. They do not have a right. She also caused problems where I was living and where I performed. Who is anybody to do that? Hoe could anybody? But such people exist. Someone else hacked into my email and I cant go too much into details sent photos of me to family members. I don't think it was her but it was somebody......invasion of privacy? Yes. Also illegal. I am targeted and what you read in the mainstream news about the spying that does not begin to describe what is happening.

Three reversed coins

Third-party interference? I have said three's a crowd I am not doing the kinky thing.....Late Pruncess Diana......I adore her......said "There were three of us in this marriage, so it was a bit crowded." I do know that feeling. Or maybe I AM third party interference. "Und der cherub steht vor Gott" Margaret Atwood's character Xenia.....whom I can empathize with.....I have never considered myself a siren or a temptress.....I am not. But what she goes through I can relate to. She was described by one reader as "Iago in a miniskirt." I kinda like that. Stealing one's partner....no one has that kind of power over another. I heard of a hoodoo spell where the girl takes a guy's semen and binds it with a cord to keep him faithful. Nine times that's three squared or 3x3. Three is a nasty number. But.....I remember what I went through with Brendan among others and that up and down torture......and then Justin there I said it. And.....oh there were others. Just promise me at least you won't get fat.....I banged my head against a wall for years and poured my heart......and for what? I don't want three ever again. I found three pennies all upside down three is off balance and a ......triangle? Amy Winehouse joked about not being molded into a triangle and much has been made of it.....whether or not there was a hidden meaning .....I grew up in Tribeca JFK Jr was with two women when.....once when I was a teenager I was with thus guy and his girlfriend walked in. She was screaming that she was going to kill me and I thought she was too.....I went into fight or flight I chose to be "big bad and mean" Charles Mansons advice......so she'd think I was crazy and dangerous and would leave me alone. She screamed at me to get out I was shaking so hard I almost convulsed....shaking hell by Sonic Youth?

Gossip?

I think slippery elm is the "stfu" as Dr. E said herb......Emmaline Pankhurst said "you have to make more noise than anybody else. You have to fill the papers more than anybody else.....if you want ti get your reform realized." There was gossip going back to cavepeople told around a campfire or like the Greek chorus.....people in your business......."better her than me....."

Lately obsessed with Don Henley Eagles

"Dirty little secrets/dirty little lies/ got our dirty little fingers/in everybody's pie"

Keep repeating

But it keeps happening: Hitler said the bigger the lie the more people will believe it. This may be the biggest lie ever told. Ever. This one is monumental upon monolithic upon gargantuan .....bigger than the former world trade center sears tower mount Everest grand canyon and.....what else? Combined. It's its own planet.
Glad dir the truth which according to greek myth is always Slippery and elusive. Glass $lipper for Cindy! Tra la la waltz right in......freedom is terrifying. But beautiful. Those who fight the truth fight like one would never have dreamed possible.....but I am thankful for it. Emotions can be weapons and deadly. You can break a person down by breaking their heart harder and faster than a bullet. Those who would are the lowest and the worst of humanity. Humans are evil! It's in our DNA. But the truth came out and my self esteem is saved and restored. I had always thought I had failed. I was bad or wrong. But I am not. No one is. But the lie prevailed and I was damned over and over again. Truth comes out sets one free but truth can get you killed. One crusade?

Love the smell and feel of air dried clothes

The weather is nice and I love it by the beach. I can hang my clothes on the line and I did...my purse glitter gloves dress ect ....I can't sleep because my housemate left out something garlicky it reeks they say garlic repels vampires that's me I guess.....and mosquitos. Overall the people are nice the girl here and her guy are cool......the lady upstairs very sweet.

Ok it was this woman upstairs

Very sweet older....who lit them. I am bleary eyed and incredulous .....have to forget and remember......how much there is to life and what doesn't kill a person can be fodder for art. I have to remember how much more there is... I don't accept what I can't control but I live I deal in spite of. That the future is unknown and that which is ......there are so many possibilities .. .I have been reached out to by those who were before miles many separated. But I have my own obligations and it thoroughly tires me but must be done,.........reading about the JFK Jr. Stuff and crash......wow......fascinating

Candles

? Well they're pretty. Shrug

Bizarre

I came out of my room and there were two white candles lit.....I didn't light them neither did my housemates the doors are locked. They didn't light themselves. Someone did this. ????? They thought I lit them I didn't.....

apologies

In light of what happened with Cory Monteith I am joking but I suppose the timing is bad. I am profoundly sorry for what happened to him and that could have really been, well, a lot of us. But.......sigh.....one feels what one does. It .....

Bbd

Could be this person's more of a drug addict than you it wasn't personal?

In finishing that last

Bisexual dope fiend.....it occurred to me that could be anyone in Los Angeles. Am I on the wrong coast? ??
I don't really want that.
James Woods is one of my favorite tweeeters although I don't share his political perspective he writes funny imtelligent and thoughtful stuff. He once said something to the effect of "Everyone in Hollywood wants the BBD bigger better deal. I have to check the box office listing every time I go to a party to make sure I'm not getting a divorce that night." Well. Hm. I love NYC and don't intend to leave......there is truly now as ever an overflow of creativity here everything art music maybe more than ever. No reason to leave. BUT. There is the world too. Summer is short and its not all a vacation. I am pressured to cram a lot into a short time. So. So. Next?

Found a play by David Mamet

Last morning. A hippie guy with a sweet black cat was selling it. I wad never really into his work but figured what the hell bought it for a dollar. The Cherry Orchard. All about people all over the place in love. The same theme.....not with the one. I was laughing that I am picky and have to find the one as wrong as possible and I haven't found anyone wrong enough yet. Vanilla? Nope. Cinnamon . My ex boyfriend once told me I like men who look like all they do is smoke. Bisexual dope addict?

Brighton morning (couple meanings)

Days

Night was chilly. My friends are hurting that hurts me. Egypt having......major problems. People here don't see how most people everywhere are good and not really different from them. But things happen. Kennedy's plane crashed over .....I went to a wedding once at Martha's Vineyard. It was quaint and pretty but understated. I had started to write about my experience in Cape Cod. Another esaay for that.....point being I suppose I ......you think ............ will be a solution but I am just reliving the nightmare because I have to shake off the ugliness.....in hoodoo it's called crossed conditions. In my family we are kings and queens of that. Black plastic frames same brown eyes hippie hair he reminded me of my uncle Pat. His expression was......in this photo......somewhere between a frown and a wince...a telling look like they're about to drop something unpleasant on someone .....like break up. Was that a sign? J had that same expression in the camping pictures.. .the trip he took with Leila.....unbeknownst to me the girl he made out with that Wednesday the 25th of June the day Michael Jackson died. Horrors! Horrors! Horrors! Nothing is worse, nothing nothing. There's. A div. In here......that last place in JC after lady good work the window cracked into a triangle. I am in this same position always finally to be discarded read about Lamars mistress I feel for her situation. She went to U if M same as my mom. I have been in her shoes. Its a terrible thing what he is doing to his wife.....but .....he said he can't leave because .......because he won't? Whatever. In Calabasas California Michael Jackson died and across country.....first at Bowery and Houston them somewhere in the Hudson Valley J made out with another girl while I was working I get this dropped on me thanks a lot. Then subsequently went camping. I could only........but while he and I were walking together later. After tears shed (mine) candles lit (one catching on fire next to the Madonna (hm) and a message "you are in great danger." Indeed. J didn't even remember Leila's name or her ethnicity. I corrected him. "She was what Italian?" I believe she was Serbian. He also got her name wrong. Everything hung on his behavior and decisions. I was terrible. I did something terrible. I felt guilty. I was remorseful.....but I don't want to know or see this person. I don't want to see that. I don't. Want to cause .....hit me like a cannon and only by a miracle didn't kill me. I wanted death. I planned my death. Twice. And I deserve a happy summer. I believe ........death is everywhere past is prologue. I feel death feel chills when someone is dying.........

Freaky signs

Maybe I am overblowing it. But I doubt it. There are some very deranged people who have bad intent toward me. It is terrifying.

Subway stalker?

A woman on the f train to Bklyn.....Spanish lady.....was sitting near me and giving me this fixating stare of hatred. She would not stop staring at me. Very rude. This has happened to me other times with other people. Why would ....
I don't know this woman I have never done anything to her, ever. Her or......any of them . Ever. What is it with people who want to gurt someone who never did anything to them? She stormed off the train with this angry look on her face. I know her type exactly. Abusers are above all arrogant unapologetic and their wrath and vindictiveness is unending. I will never understand or accept it.

Tweets

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Sorry I am

Jotting down these things as they come a little disjointed ......I don't claim to like everyone. Rather....it's not about like or dislike. Most people are just human, with good and bad (quote unquote) qualities. I would be lying if I said I don't get jealous catty angry but.....it's not right you know and.....there are those who go too far in attacking others writing.....taking extremely personal jabs at someone regardless that is not ok. I don't want to be that. Anyone can say anything it's washroom graffiti in cyberspace. Technology will improve but humans are humans.
But what I am talking about goes beyond a simple dislike of a person or I believe in "hate the sin love the sinner" not because I am religious I just mean in terms of behavior. I am sorry if I ever damaged anyone unnecessarily...
But others have done that multiplied practically infinitely. Jodi Arias is American but she wad not let off the hook as I have seen suggested about American women....are we really so spoiled, hysterical, irresponsible because feminism made us think we can do what we want? That is not true and perhaps Italians saw Amanda Knox that way. I have also studied abroad and for whatever reason I have never encountered so much anti Americanism......to the level of shrill piercing outrage.....and this from young people too......as I did studying on London. I haven't been everywhere but I have been a few places and this is what I experienced. I never saw anything like it in France, Egypt....Germany it's hard to fathom. These people thought all we did was watch TV and we lived like the characters on Dynasty. I can only laugh at this because there are always people who fit a stereotype but of course it's untrue most of the time. Or maybe I am the exception. I don't live that way. I doubt that's true either. "Dumb Americans" but AK was neither dumb nor spoiled JA either.

email hacked

somehow obscene pictures of me have circulated via email to people I know and family. I cannot imagine the level of sickness of someone who would do this.......the lowest life form there is and one I have no interest in knowing. Google plus? Pinterest? I never signed onto these things. Ever. Sick. Horribly sick. Possibly there is a severely disturbed individual out there who takes offense to some things I write. Too fucking bad. It's a free country and it's my right to express an opinion.

Ran for an hour. My god. It was dark at first.....nice and quiet but gross. This was by the river......west side, on the bike path. I kept thinking if all the awful stuff that has happened to mostly female runners at hours like this. But no one approached me. It was well lit, police cars drove by, there were late night revelers and couples and people walking their dogs. I am grateful to be in the city when it's somewhat safr but of course there is no guarantee. Things happen it has nothing to do with who you are just such the world. I was thinking about the murder of that poor girl Meredith Kercher in Italy how she liked quiet time to herself and mysteries.....yeah the irony is chilling. I....know obviously it is self serving to say this and of course when I say that could have been me it naturally could have been anyone in my situation like in Jersey City when I was alone in that house. It was a safe area but all it takes is one mf with bad intentions.....and many people there had that toward me it seemed. And likewise had I been in Amanda Knox's shoes probably the same would have happened to me. I could only imagine if they found my private writings. I know what it is to have inflammatory aspersions put on you. By female police officers.
I watched an episode of TZ last night guess I will watch the rest this am.....I am on W4th wolfed down an omelette with cottage cheese and shredded fries madly craving carbs I guess. I bought star magazine and will ....well needed for the train. Regular news didn't peak my interest.....

some

Times respect speaks louder than love. But if someone doesn't respect you can they really love you? Saw three names that shook me up and frightened. Me. Saw a man walking around Brooklyn completely naked. It was night. After being at a friends house coming home .....I have never in my life seen anything like that even growing up in the city. Even in greenwich Village. Hear me roar. Roar?

Dreams

I dreamt jrm was being taught a move and I laughed I thought he said fuck you. Then he asked to borrow my phone. Then I was in a house two separate rooms a guy was staying don't remember the details but I said a woman was helping him decorate she was in there fixing up the room turned out this woman had been dead for many years. Her ghost was in the room. In the closet. I was going to introduce her to him bit she was a ghost......I opened the closet to find her she was there.....hollow wide eyed.....

Twists and fall deep deep deeper

Life only gets bizarre more twisted and nonsensical the more you try to make sense of it. Dig through the maze you only go deeper into it. Though believe me I am not the first to say this. Ok I am going to cite yet again dammit just cant help I am starting to feel like a wierdo in JFK there is the line "we're through the looking glass/black is white/white is black".......The film Network Paddy Chayefsky and TV (typhoon!) opened up the golden gates to the world the let in the floods of punk rock. Though it makes sense. How else would the world know about Tania, Patty Hearst, tricky dick ect than via the media? I was not exposed to a lot of TV as a kid I ("never mind the stars and stripes lets burn the Watergate tapes/I'll salute the New Age/ and hope nobody escapes"--the Clash) and.....("hail the New Age/it's a rat cage/join the place for breeding dumb species" Kim/Marty/Ricky.....Wilde) I am not sorry I missed out on a lot of the idiocy though.....I was a punk rock teen and there was no internet people were just out.....congregating in the same place......everything was word of mouth. There was no downloading but there were bootlegged copies of everything.....no omg well there was of kinds. There was revolution Yuppicide and sex.....with the fear of catching HIV and dying (kind of a mood kill pardon the pun).....and the rumor mill. After all......we were human. But. The ones the world despised and yet a money maker for those same people. Talk about rape! This was worse.....the medium is the message the bigger the lie and all that....."they" knew what they were doing.

Moi

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It's the 27th thinking about "27club"

Coincidence? Reading on Amy Winehouse's death.....I hadn't been a huge fan of her while she was alive.....the media obsession with her over the top.....but it's very moving and intriguing. Something about programming murder and such.....drum beats? The witness is not credible......anyone can say anything and often do.........

Foxy Knoxy News

I am now an impromptu photojournalist. This was down on Essex St at Rev Men's bday bash. Noticeably absent Justin and Chris. Would have been nice cause I loved hanging with J and I still miss him......plus I could have crashed at his place. I have Horrors Management Long Island White Trash Slumlord to thank for the fact that instead I have to get back on the F to the A up to Inwood .....but AT LEAST I don't have to go to jersey city.
Wow. I at first wrote crashed on his couch. Proof.....that it's over. As these things do. Anyway. It still would have been nice to see him. However, all were not absent. It was so nice to see the same crowd from Bo Po: Gerber, Jen, John K.....I think Microphone. Now I am sitting in a divey steak place eating nachos for dinner and.....I passed the Slipper Room God how I miss dancing and ....though I did at St. Marks last night. SR I have neglected though soon soon.......) I am now a journalist see ....(name redacted) your words that I can't do it didn't deter me. With respect you also said cats are ruthless killers. Sorry but that was debunked by animal rights activists.
My new set is GENIUS. I have been thinking of Edinburgh and met some lovely girls from OZ I think they're called Box last night who will be there. I wish Blaise St Mary would come back but he's in California.....
Anyhow.....here is my clip of the anti slam: about to get on the train and read Amanda Knox's Waiting to be Heard get it folks it's great)

Hall and Oates I Can't Go For That

I am so lovin' the D.......still......you know geniuses (?) Think alike.......http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ccenFp_3kq8&feature=youtube_gdata_player

So.....sixth ave

Sitting in Waverly Diner with the best omelettes in NYC (was listening to the Emmaline Pankhurst speech you can't male an omelette without breaking an egg......and many were broken).

..there's the way it should be and the way it is.....that was said in the film Platoon. I used to watch that film constantly even though.....I was eighteen.....I did not identify as a soldier. But I didn't fully understand. It's not always a choice. Digress......so sitting here on 6th Ave my bill $13 (a recurring theme in my life) I am looking through the kaleidoscope into back then. The bookstore is boarded up.....proud to say ha! The new residents here are super rich and super illiterate (um, dare I say it? The kardashians. Disgraceful. Sorry, but that's my opinion of them. This is LA culture? Heavens help I hope not. LA, stop embarrassing yourself, please. You gave us Marilyn Monroe...... Homeless people in cardboard boxes here. Some of them undercover cops. So it was told. But sixth Ave I am pleased to say has not changed much otherwise. Just funky and......a mass of insanity and endless stampede of partyers flaunting rainbows and pipes all kinds.....

Cosmo q and a part trois

Sounds like "twat" Freudian? I did them some stuff I am not proud of. Here I was an amazing girl having moved here with mom from Chicago our own little diaspora? Is it a factor of distance? Perhaps not. Chicago to NYC is not a long way. But typically in my family things that are not a huge deal are treated as grand tragic opera. It was played to the hilt......therapists helped in some ways but in other ways created suffering where there was not any. My life was disrupted, they said. To take me out of Chicago was destroying my life and scarring me forever. Sorry. There is more to this. This software is messed up. My happy home life childhood and, subsequently I were being split and divided. Perhaps. But so it is. We were on the threshold of a new era. I have never been or identified as a child. I don't like kids never did, was bullied in elementary school.....and spent a lot of time with people older than me. Though I did have girlfriends my own age, too. I loved the smurfs, ect. And Dallas.

Cosmo q and a part deux

Who is your secret celebrity crush? I don't get crushes only obsessions....of the love-me-or-I-am-going-to-commit-suicide variety.....I would threaten guys with that as a teenager. But,you know,glad I didn't cause they weren't worth it. I moved on. But the French fries were good. With ketchup.

I will elaborate. When.....I have to tell the whole story.....when I was fifteen I hung around a group called Gay and Lesbian Youth of NY.l myself am not gay, but a part of me has always identified more with the world's disenfranchised. This guy named Michele used to hang around GLYNY too. He, like me, was straight. He was a sleazy douche.....hitting on women and girls.....me one day he decided to make his next target. He took me out and bought me food....french fries......then .....was all over me.....then because of my age he backed off.....but I then saw it as abandonment and because of my past I couldn't handle that.....it was my biggest fear. Too many guys knew that about me and used that to control me,or try to. They maybe didn't realize it or admit it but it makes sense. By humiliating me they became more powerful.

Cosmo 25 questions?

I will answer one. Should handwritten. One can never have too much .....chocolate. soda. 0ther things I won't mention.

Photos

Sull aria?

I wish I could sing these songs..... impress people.....that I know Italian which I don't ...
I sound like the can opener......or a cat schreeching.....singing is not my thing. I have other talents that I have been given.
...they'd probably throw watermelons at me. Or tomatoes....or no anything is possible. I am learning fast I am good.....the language. I can mouth the words.I listened to a lot of classical music in school....Aria .....breeze..... Jodi Arias..... .....her and? Plotting to expose Travis' double life (sotto i pini del boschetto) though I personally would have seen that a mile away.....no need for an elaborate plot. Sad you know.....if it were up to me I would open the gates and set her free. I believe she is innocent though she did some really dumb things the main one being that she dated Travis. What argument can she make? I was young and messed up.....I didn't know what I was doing.....

Brief hello

Sorry for my absenteeism. Putting together new material and rehearsing hard. The past couple weeks have been rigorous. To say the least. So.....current interests including a heartfelt emotional testimony what have you on my first trip to nyc .....reading Schiller and Goethe in the original language....
My German's not that good and much of the beauty of the language is lost in translation .....but gradually getting there. Actually fairly fast. Schiller was absolutely a genius. I was partly inspired by a cousin of mine to read these authors. What else? Oh yes. The spying. None of this news is really news to me. Why me a target I may have my quirks but something this clandestine and highly sophisticated and.....make no mistake they knew what they were doing....why me? If so it is. Anyway.

Jodi Arias Dirty Little Secret

Lines:

Travis: I'll call you when I'm done.

Jodi: Done what? Screwing those bimbos?

Travis:Well, I have to get them drunk first don't I?

Watched some of this am  getting into ....Tania Raymonde is pretty decent in it.....of ...I mean I'd be lying if I said I never felt what she/the character feels.....I have never stabbed anyone or been violent though I am still not believing that she either did it or if she did......that she did it alone. .....even in my darkest days thank heaven I had other outlets..
In my situation I am unfamiliar with this community growing up in Chicago and New York I had no contact, really, with anything to the west of that except for a few trips.....I went with my then boyfriend to Arizona.....I like the heat but that was too much.....I can't bear to be shut up in air conditioning all the time I want to be free to walk out.  Only once did I have to break down and buy an AC because my room was too hot even for me. I can't sleep with one on or even the fan. I close the windows and any air blowing irritates me and makes me sick .....I like going to sleep warm and waking up in a sweat. When I was in Scotland I couldn't take the cold and this was summer.....big mistake not to bring a portable heater. I would sneak into the kitchen turn on the stove and sleep on a table......where we cooked stuff..I remember the first time doing that after a week of lying in cold air that scratched my nose and not allowed any heat and feeling underwater and disoriented with the flu or perpetually running nose.....finally the feeling of warmth for the first time and my body coming together again. I love Scotland and Scottish people but next time I go i will not forget a portable heater and electricity converter.
Digression..... anyway.....I watched this movie partly in Brooklyn will go into more later.....
If I dare say but I will it's a free country.....my opinion only.....Jodi did not do the killing. I have NO idea what she was doing with him because I would have bolted out of there so fast before you could blink if any guy fed me the absurd nonsense he did her. Not to mention all that other stuff. You couldn't get me far enough away fast enough. Plus.....not that that's everything but I don't think he was all that good looking. I don't get what she was doing with him but he probably didn't deserve to die. Likely.....I am guessing but others have said the same.....someone else did the dirty work and left Jodi to take the fall. Too bad she should have asked for a lawyer up front. Ok. Well, there you have it. My hypothesis.

True north? Or roulette ...

It's easy to see the bad more than the good.....when you're in it. Once again I am sorry for behaving badly. I was caught in a tornado I had.......it was more than I had ever been prepared for. Nothing made sense. I was very savagely attacked for no reason.   My mom and her then husband and I.....I was around ten. . It was the best of times it was the worst of times. I know it's been said ad nauseum.......but true in my case.....she and Jon (sorry to drag up the past!) had a fight to end all fights. I heard, rather than saw.  This is while we were visiting his parents in Cape Cod (the birth place incidentally of J's ex .....). One  carries the legacy of the past. From The Tempest: "past is prologue." Also in the film JFK..... I was weird then too but otherwise a typical kid from the Chicago suburbs. Mom and Jon fell out......sad you know my grandmother was dying.....I was a child fortunately shielded from the horrors of cancer but I guess I sensed underneath the surface.....my mom took me on a side trip to NYC. Spur of the moment. We weren't impulsive people my mom is a pretty meticulous planner.
But it happens.....I read a biography of my hero, Natalia Makarova, where she talked about spontaneous random acts like that shaped her life, despite her plans and projects. Pause. But remembering the past clarifies the unspeakable horror of the present.....recognize patterns. "If the moon smiled, she would resemble you/you leave the same impression/of something beautiful, but annihilating" Sylvia Plath "todestone/I should leave you in the center of my forehead/and let the dead sleep as they deserve." And I crawled out ....when I was in Edinburgh we were made to watch these bizarre Japanese films about people being swallowed by the bed..... Very scary fight. Then mom took me in the car, driving to? I was bored and restless.

Real McCoy in light of Edward Snowden

This song came out in around 1995-96. Correction....my bad! Brainchild of dozens of people it seems, mostly in Europe. I was in school, living in the dorm.....ah life was good. I was dating a guy named Al. Reading a book on Anne Sexton. Auditioning. And this was on the radio constantly:

"Big Brother is watching you 
Unlock your brain and save your soul
Life in a perfect system
Take the stand and fight for freedom
Keep the faith and run away

Money sex and thought control
A generation without soul
Perfect people in a perfect world
Behind closed doors all in control
...cold cash money mentality"

Don't want to violate copyright laws you know I could be .....well life is short ....
So. Things have really changed since then.....and you thought they were kidding!

Waking

Lights have flickered and come back on after nine years

From the film Play it Again Sam by Woody Allen and Amanda Knox

Humphry Bogart (impersonator): "The only bad thing is if she turns out to be a virgin, or a cop."
Woody Allen: "With my luck she'll be both."

I am reading Amanda Knox's memoir  Waiting to be Heard it's amazing! This is some story.....the stuff of B horror films, the kind you watch on Halloween. But of course this was real. Italy looks beautiful I was only there briefly. This story reads ....her trial.....like something out of the Middle Ages.....Amanda was actually driven through a crowd in what looked like a cage .....though it was a car.  She and Raffeale Sollicito were in NYC......must have been for an interview...my heart goes out to the Kerchers for their loss. Still these kids didn't do it. The prosecution spun this absurd ridiculous and untrue story about a wild sex orgy and turned Knox into the Scarlet Killer.....which she wasn't. That .....this could have been me or anybody....

Amanda Knox

I am really fascinated by this. A lot of elements. Halloween All Souls Day killing. Mignini (sp cq) said this murder was Satanic and I found out the Satanic Panic has resurged in Italy. Well the SP has been found to be fiction and people were wrongly accused of stuff they didn't do. Point number one. Most of the ones sent to jail were not Satanists. Halloween and All Saints Day and All Souls Day are Christian holidays, formerly pagan, and have nothing to do with Satanism which is its own religion. AK .and RS are not Satanists never professed to be as far as I know they are both Christian.
Two: Meredith Kercher's "friends" first of all left her alone and vulnerable in an area with a history of crime and thugs running rampant it seems. What kind of people were hanging around her? Theres something really not right here. Her "friends" who claim to be so concerned for her skip town as soon as she is killed and do nothing to help with the investigation and refuse to speak to the police. Is that what someone who cares about someone does? Ditto for her roommates. They trash talk AK who DID stay and try to help, then took the rap for it, completely wrongly, losing her freedom .....but what did they do to help? Who are they to blame anyone? Three. After the fact: and I know having traveled you domt think about these things: there was apparently inadequate security in that place. A disaster for young women living alone and far more if its one alone. When I went to London we were not in a great neighborhood and security was airtight. I got in trouble when . My bag was stolen and keys were in it. But we were in a dorm. Basically my point is they were in an unsafe place with inadequate protection or security which a friend . Once advised me should always be first priority when moving to a new place. There . Is a reason why floor washing for protection is so widespread in hoodoo. There are bad folk out there. My friend who lived alone was raped even someone crawled through her window. Some of these creeps stalk . People and stake them out. Wait til they are out, or alone. It.....especially because I grew up in the city is beyond me why the . People renting this place did not make it safer against intruders like Rudy Guede. Why in short were they living in an unsecure place . In a bad neighborhood with dangerous people running around? If he was selling them drugs it makws no sense to kill your customers unless she owed him money but after a week? Probably he figured MK had money and he said they had a date (if true.....I can't help wonder was she out of her mind but I can't say for sure). After smashing the window (and why didnt she call the cops) she must have screamed God knows I would have someone MUST have heard her. They were allegedly in a crowded town. Weren't there other people living there? Didn't they hear the window break?  She must have been screaming her head off why did no one hear her especially during a struggle.
Unless he covered her mouth. But apparently they were running around. Or he held her down on the bed raped and stabbed her covering her mouth in which case . He is the worst slime alive. I am against the death penalty but if he did that I wouldnt feel sorry for him. If . It was consensual sex he wouldn't. Have broken the window. . Some said AK and RS broke the window to make . It look like a break . In.....but depending where the glass fell if . Out the break . Occured from . Oitside . If . In inside......they'd have had to go out and smash the window themselves at nighttime that's pretty far fetched. What would be thwir motive for . Killing her knowing they would lose their freedom this while they were in school anything is . Possible but thats improbable. Now, why were their phones off unless battery ran out but how did the . Pro KNOW their . Phones were off. That is one thing fishy I hate tosay cuz I am . On their side but thats how yoyr location cant be tracked. Did they take out the batteries on their phones? Someone who must have heard the glass break.

History of the World Mel Brooks

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5VsYT5vbWE&feature=youtube_gdata_player

This pics better

Aileen Wuornos

Watch "Aileen Wuornos Part 1 of 6" on YouTube
Yes I am watching many interviews with female prisoners and serial killers. Of course there is no excuse for cold blooded murder ("you have a right not to be killed/murder is a crime/unless it was done/by a policeman" The Clash) and..... yes those who are.guilty made their own choices BUT it also takes a village.....Wournos wow .....I never knew much about her. She is from Michigan I have tons of family there.....these are the people next door well I learned that from personal experience.....but it still is hard to sink in. These aren't deviants or lowlifes but regular people......lots of people go through bad stuff and don't go on to become killers maybe there is no way to predict. Some killers have "normal" childhoods I mean on it goes.....

Plan B victory

Although it doesn't solve all our problems. it will prevent.some many disasters.......I have heard people say that location is irrelevant that one should find the  peace in themselves or something.....but it does matter. For all its problems I am proud of.the fact that I live in New York City where I can get this. There is a clinic that will give out the pill for free. Not perfect but an advantage. This pill has been proven  safe and has been sold over the counter all over the world to women and girls of all ages for a decade now.

Joy of Resistance (@JoyofResistance) tweeted at 0:56 AM on Tue, Jun 11, 2013: ObamaAdmin drops appeal! MorningAfterPill will now be availabke 2 wmn of all ages w/out ID! http://t.co/wpahHFRapI @lauranewmanny @ssedoga (https://twitter.com/JoyofResistance/status/344317144386908161) Get the official Twitter app at https://twitter.com/download

horrors saw that name again

I know what you are probably thinking but her name is always a bad sign.....something bad always happens when I see her name. Maybe it's in my mind but I have reason to believe validly that this person has ill intent toward me. I saw that horrible name which I will never get used to which makes me sick which I can't understand why anyone would name their kid that when I see that name the scab is ripped off that deep wound she inflicted I see feel relive all the pain she caused me and that name was next to that of my ex. I am OVER him I don't care anymore I want both of them gone forever from my life..I am wAtching Law and Order they just. Said pluck him out of your daughter's life like a bad tooth. May she and all reminders of her be that.....

More on Jodi Arias

I had to retype this as my software crashed.....I watched a French film by Catherine Briellat I think thats how you spell her name....about two high school age sisters, one is overweight and awkward and the other is very beautiful.The same scenario I just talked about.....the pretty girl is dating a guy who convinces her to let him fuck her in the.ass because the other way is wrong or something.....that if she didn't let him he would be forced to look elsewhere.....and so she lets him. I have had some guys pressure me to stuff like that but I never did. Something must have saved me.....I don't know what. I am grateful to have missed, however narrowly, the worst. Anyway.

More on Jodi Arias.....

Recently, and this isn't the first time..........I turned down this guys invitation for me to come to his house so he could "face fuck" me.....according to this that's not sinning....

Jodi Arias

Mornings after doing my routine I have breakfast or  coffee and watch stuff like this on youtube. Pretty fascinating though I don't know what she was thinking. If you stab someone, let alone 30 something times, you are likely to go to jail even if it's self defense. This guy sounded like a.....I edited this I dont know him of course..... it's obviously not ok to stab someone whether or not it was that he was attacking her or she was mad that he had another girlfriend...... . He apparently.....just now this is sinking in.....told her that for religious reasons.....that he couldn't have sex with her (vaginally that is) until they were married but if they did it anally or orally it wasn't sex' or not sinning or something...... and it was ok.  She said anal sex hurt but why did she go along with it to begin with? A person is really going to believe that nonsense? But I feel a real empathy with her and the death penalty is gruesome and horrible I agree .....it is painful to watch. But if like Jodi said the murder was not premeditated and she stabbed
him after being attacked......people have done worse things and not gone to jail. I read stories in her case and also in the Amanda Knox story and for that matter the Manson murders of witness tampering, information withheld.....threats.....horrifying if true. Power corrupts?

Sylvia Plath, blogging

"This holocaust I walk in/o golden child the world will kill and eat"

I watched part of Oliver Stone's "Untold History of the United States" he said something about the misperception, something like that, that the US won World War II. ? Not sure if I got that right. .....Friedan wrote about "comfortable concentration camps".....my recollection of the fifties....well I wasn't born...but what my mom tells me.....my grandmother had been a beautiful and brilliant woman, fond of literature and not of housework. probably mg grandfather did all the housework as he was OCD and a neatness freak. I read something by this guy who said he was one as well. You don't realize how you are reliving.....I don't think my grandmother was the fifties Doris Day heroine you always read about. They, and my mother as a kid, moved around all the time.....

Susan Atkins

Watch "Part 3 Susan Atkins 1993 Parole Hearing California Prison Charles MANSON Family" on YouTube
From her perspective. Very different from that of the prosecution.......judge for yourself

New vlog

Watch "New vlog.and.update" on YouTube
Hey sorry for the long absence. Dealing with some terribly strenuous stuff. Hopefully solved......nearly.

Last post

That was harsh and not meant to be public. But since it's out there.....I am dealing with some horrible stuff personal things. I mean I tried if failed......not a good feeling. Sorry you know?

Dark day

Sleep deprived.....oh what do I do. Today its rainy....terrible. storms, anniversary of Plaths suicide, I have pms, people trampled at so called festival....why do people see these holy sacred days as just another reason to get blasted and dance naked but hey if they are why shouldn't I? Do I not deserve a blast too? Whatever. I personally am not a fan of parades and such just not my scene. Also....it's just not a good .....anniversary of Whitney Houston's dare I say it murder. A little boy was killed in the storm. Death everywhere and no this is not. Run of the mill. But ....life has to go on n'est ce pas? Three dead in a freak chopper crash. No this is not good. I have my own problems.

Intuition?

Grateful......the one thing probably that has saved me at times

Ran on west side highway

Getting Chinese food why NOW this is working cold sesame noodles and vegetable rolls which they don't make in jc. Decisions? To stay or not .....the parks are far less crowded and noisy. And nice......feels almost like country. The stores close too early. You can't get a sandwich or soda beer juice chips what have you at 3am running out the door.....shrimp fried rice ugh! So ghetto I'm sorry. Can't stand the smell of fish......like you can in Brooklyn. Oh the days. I really miss that. I just didn't know what I was doing.....

Homophobic celebs dim all the lights dimwitteds.....!?

All

Donna Summer queen of disco, rest her soul, allegedly said gay people, disco's staple audience, men mainly are getting punished by "God", ect. "God loves you," she said, "just not as you are now." Ouch. Pretty terrible, isn't it? Doubt that. Paris Hilton, who is truly a genius, (sarcasm in case you thought otherwise)  said something not quite as harsh but pretty ignorant. This a web site I was on late this a.m.

Freedom Fries 501(c)?

Plath wrote "the coursoage of a shut mouth/ in spite of artillery!" These actions by the nice people who run this agency were mean spirited malicious and deliberate, an attempt at silencing me, intimidating me into shutting up. And by the way, this was under the Bush Administration.....power corrupts or are some individuals already corrupted? I speak from life too. Some people feed off that.

From what I read, this alleged bias of the IRS occured due to Tea Party groups labeling themselves non profit and claiming tax exempt status. Thus why the IRS scrutinized them......the joke in Some Like it Hot"We made ¨__million before taxes.....only we didn't pay no taxes."

IRS and "conservatives"

The Judiciary Report - It's Not Gossip When It's True! Deal With It!
This really pisses me off. I was targeted by the IRS years ago and continue to be to this day. Where was the action taken? Nowhere. What was dine? Nothing
Shameful aand disgraceful indeed. I am NOT a Tea Party member or a conservative nor anything close. I wrote opinions critical, and rightly so I believe, of certain persons of power and priviledge in this country. I raised issues that were legitimate ones at the time I believe very strongly so. But no action was taken no complaints heard when people on the left were unfairly harassed by the IRS like I was. Mr. Boehner, for whom do you speak? All Americans?

Cliff Osmond

Born in Jersey City.....my present place of abode. Wow. All these shows are amazingly archived.......Thankfully....things do come around......and Rod Seeking lived a long time in Ohio. So few points of separation

Rod Serling

Apologies for my absenteeism as my phone was out. I just watched "The Gift" episode of Twilight Zone ......what amazing and brilliant work! At first it made no sense and I thought the kid was cute but not much of an actor. I used to watch this show at around the hour I am writing this......having a weird moment ......watch out for what you wish for? Interference .......the blessing candle burning low but others nicely.....maybe this is not the place for me. No joke. But I would visit my father in Chicago as a kid as I myself lived in Evanston .....and at 3am no less the witching hour this would come on. I to this day have nightmares about that apartment Dad was in. It was a fairly dark period on a personal level. He lived on the ground floor in a duplex with a winding red carpeted staircase going down to the basement......I used to play music on the stereo and put on talent shows on that staircase.....I would have my girlfriends over and we would do that but I slept in a room upstairs. Being an only child though I was often there alone just me and Dad.....he had a girlfriend then sometimes she would stay over.......they would go to sleep. ...as it was the weekend I would watch TV. I didn't watch much elsewhere as Dad actually discouraged me. But on weekends I did. I would wake up in the middle of the night......that hasn't changed. I am a night creature. And Dad's place was so creepy.....a brownstone and God I still dream about this. Windows that looked out into black.....the building next door. The kitchen with a window.....the alleys and the El going overhead......loud as fuck. I would wake up....little sweet orange Rusty the cat for company. One time I woke to him chasing a mouse.  But civilization may as well have come to cease......as it was eerie quiet with the test patterns on some stations.....the fundamentalist preachers on others.....the star spangled banner on another and the Twilight zone man no porn even.....ha! No cable just regular TV. So at 3 am I had Rod Sterling's ghost for comfort. Angry young man indeed! A reflection of yet our times as we were ahead. But you know the liberation leaders get the first bullets. We were all condemned that my parents divorced. My poor parents they didn't deserve that. Relationships break up it's no one's fault. NOW it's the norm more than the exception. All that volatility! It takes a village....a demimonde.....

Agent skully

Come on home now momma cried on the phone/too soon to lose my baby and my girl should be at home

Heart. "Magic Man"

I did not mean to stay out til five but oh lordie but these things to happen......Persephonia she did stay for a time of her own volition I believe I said that right. Then she entered a new life....as an actress!

Diary

K.L.F. Goodnight America we looooove you!

Joy of Resistance

Amazing radio show by Fran Luck from wbai....
They talked about the Feminine Mystique on a recent show. I am very familiar with Betty Friedan's work. As a high schooler.....I wrote about Friedan and was all but sent to the gallows for it. I received a big fat F. F for Friedan ha. I have so much to say on that book. Rosanne Barr once said TV is about demographics and demographics are about women. Friedan knew this too. She interviewed TV executives for her book wwas this before or after Marshall McCluhan (sp cq)? They knew these women wanted....well, sex. Shows like Bonanza
.......oh god I have to laugh when I think of that .....

More on this later

Be young be free the American way

KLF. ......Scotsman.....
Sam Endicott of the American group tithe Bravery wrote: "sometimes I forget I'm still awake/I fuck up and say these words out loud/my old friend/I swear I never meant for this" .......the Reese Witherspoon arrest brought those lyrics to mind...heaven knows I have behaved like a horrid bitch.....I have seen a lot of people get snippy with the cops she does not come across to me as diva-ish but you know I don't know her.

Draft of last post (no i was not drunk this was the faulty phone i since fixed)....coffee hot chocolate

Ffor ssome bizarre reason....figuring. out. It is hard to type on this new phone but Iwill try. I okin Thursday Wordswords of the Bravery: "sometimes. I forge tI m still awake/I. Fucamk/d say these things outside loud my old friend /. Swear i neverwu meant for this"up

phone broken but back.......

for the first time in probably eight or nine months...since before Sandy.....I ran on the bike path by the west river in Manhattan. This on a Sunday after a pretty tumultuous weekend. My phone was broken when a friend....I suppose having good intentions.....tried to fix the headphone jack but then the whole thing the screen stopped working. Have to replace tomorrow. At least I have my roommate's phone and will probably stay with a friend until I can get it working again. It's not so bad....kind of peaceful without the text messages going off constantly. I stopped at Barnes and Nobles.....I love to read and please people keep buying books! Literacy is a beautiful thing....and there's such a wealth of information in the pages. For now I have the New York Times. I read this article on a former child prodigy conservative pundit turned hippie. Watch out for what you wish for. I am very liberal......but.....well it's too bad the country is so torn apart by ideology. But so it is everywhere I guess.
Another article on punk rock.....ha! I was discussing the Sex Pistols with a friend. He said they were poseurs.....well, who knows? I was never a fan, really.....but I passed the Chelsea Hotel today and remembered, yeah flashback.......back when we were about 20 a friend of mine, this girl Alex, and her boyfriend and other friend and I hung out there. I can be an asshole sometimes. I wasn't very nice to this boy who made a pass at me. I snapped at this guy who got in my face today.....I know what they say about harassment and all but men are so relentless. I don't want to be mean, you know. I guess if you step over someone's personal boundaries and surprise them in ways they aren't ready for it's a knee jerking thing.......anyway I am digressing so back....in another life.....I was at Pace University and miserable needing to get away so my friends and I stayed in a room she rented at the Chelsea. She was obsessed with the Sex Pistols and the whole Nancy Spungen story. I always admired the Clash who were kind of sprung into being in the same scene. My friend nearly died drinking in the room we were in......but was saved at the 11th hour by her boyfriend and she is alive and well now and moved on. Oh yes...when I was thirteen I wrote a letter to the White House. Stamped delivered the whole bit....on farm animal cruelty. A month later I got a letter back by the Department of Agriculture....we had been encouraged to write the White House because they do write back. Pretty cool, huh?

80s and waking and Howard Jones

looking for new dance songs got on kind of an 80s trip......I did and mp3 search for Howard Jones. I got him singing "Things can only Get Better".....in a language I couldn't place...... so I looked him up....so Howard Jones is a Welsh, not British singer. Wiki fact for the day I guess. Growing up I barely knew what Wales was.....I assumed it was in England (I know thats really bad) then I developed a huge crush on a guy who was Welsh. Of course then I looked up all I could related......the language hasn't changed really much in thousands of years.....anyhow I find this stuff interesting......

"genius is pain" John Lennon

weary bleary eyed teary eyed yet I persist.....I could just blow off but something in me tortures me for "art" so I suffer.....put on some better music.....maybe Rob Zombie? or.....Black Box. I shall be the populist element.....was reading some stuff on Queen Victoria who was quite an eloquent writer.....calling feminism "mad, wicked folly" but the vote was yet won. So was birth control, but it would be another fifty years.

KLF on youtube

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=28w2LVzxVkU&feature=youtube_gdata_player really it's not my intention to violate any copyright laws please don't hate me or sue me......but I found the lengthier version of this song ....."we had to pass the pyramid blaster...I make you shake you take you.....what they call the mu mu.....what time is love" listening to this doing my dance exercises and after reading the horrific news on the train. Ugh.....it made me sick. I myself.....I was telling a friend how I found out that way back when I was living in Chicago my friend and I had been wiretapped, our phones (landlines). We were nineteen then. Of course we were not terrorists, not violent, had done nothing illegal. So what right had "they" to tap our phones, violate our rights and invade our privacy this way? Indeed. But.....being I chose.....I don't take direct action I express how I feel artistically.....I am not putting myself on the line in a protest but forcing myself to do this grueling physical work to the point of terrible exhaustion......in moments of clarity you remember why.....where am I going with this? At nineteen I was going to school working dumb jobs on the side and watching movies at home.....seeing friends from time to time. The average kid. But.....anyway

political jihad at the expense of......

http://m.guardiannews.com/film/2013/apr/15/oliver-stone-america-went-wrong innocent people.....at the end of the day bodies pile up and who wins? I was reading the news on the bombing and hey I am all for justice. But a dead body is a dead body and someone else loses their life or loved one. Really I would say this is a continuation of the Moslem/Christian war ongoing......did it ever end? though not a lot will say it. America may be the land of religious freedom but it is still a Christian-dominated country. When have we ever had a non-Christian president? The Satanic conspiracy.....bogus. Have we ever had a Jewish, Moslem, Bhuddist, Wiccan president? Uh, no.....never. Perhaps......just running through my mind. Sad that in a power struggle between religious and political leaders civilians die for it. Sigh. The news is grim indeed.

and J Bird and Brodeur return to.....me!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7NCZ4l8FCFc&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Henry Miller on Myrtle Ave

http://books.google.com/books?id=D9j8Ix_wnIQC&pg=PR20&lpg=PR20&dq=henry+miller+myrtle+avenue&source=bl&ots=mJfhi_1Gxr&sig=Lon0hXHgwcwd7qniNJCIqYnPyY8&hl=en&sa=X&ei=w_ljUd2SE8TB4AOE0YHoDA&ved=0CDoQ6AEwBA that is until I lived there.......the best of times the worst of times. In my life, that really is true. Kind of like the Ace of Swords the serene angelic clouds of heaven with the protruding sword. You can't make it look like aything other than what it is: there is not much of anything benevolent in a knife. To cut, to kill is its only purpose. Knowledge is power?

Joan Fontaine pic

http://www.google.com/search?q=joan+fontaine&hl=en&safe=off&client=ms-android-virgin-us&source=android-browser-type&v=133247963&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=yQhjUYG6J7fG4APuzoDYCg&ved=0CAgQ_AUoAQ&biw=320&bih=328&sei=1QhjUeq0D7Kj4AOYlIGgCg#biv=i%7C34%3Bd%7CLOhkLupLFQe2iM%3A one of my favorite actresses along with Vivien Leigh and Olivia de Havilland her sister

calico cross country

http://abcnews.go.com/m/story?id=14527262&ref=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2Fsearch%3Fhl%3Den%26redir_esc%3D%26client%3Dms-android-virgin-us%26source%3Dandroid-browser-type%26v%3D133247963%26qsubts%3D1365373432556%26q%3Dcat%2Btravels%2Bacross%2Bcountry%26v%3D133247963 of course I don't like that that poor cat could have been killed. but still. talk aout survival man! not just wild predators, human predators, cars whatnot......fucking amazing. all in these little guys that weigh five to eight pounds (kilos? like 3 maybe?)

super cat!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9WEORJhuSM&feature=youtube_gdata_player cats and dogs are amazing they have their own GPS in them. They can sense the earths natural geographic magnetic field and navigate. Comes from magratory evolution. This is so touching.

slain diplomat

http://m.cbsnews.com/storysynopsis.rbml?&pageType=world&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.cbsnews.com%2F8301-202_162-57578325%2Fdad-of-slain-diplomat-it-was-a-great-adventure-for-her%2F&catid=57578325&nb_splitPage=6

so sorry only 25. Also from the Chicago suburbs......never heard of River Forest is this Lake Forest? I got word Justin's ex is at it again. She is truly a terrible human being hurting those who did nothing to her out of jealousy and her crazy obsession with a man who, believe me I can tell you, has long forgotten her and probably is feeding a few birds on the way to meet her. Between attacks I have gotten from her and this woman who moved in......people who hurt those innocent are not human beings. Its pretty horrifying. But go after someone unprovoked you have no business going after.....because why? Because this person exists and breathes and you are jealous of the space thy take up........you are a resentful taker and vacuous and have nothing to give......I warned Justin this woman would be his downfall it's not like he wasn't warned. I am privy to the inside scoop and I know what I am talking about. What kind of a person does that? Someone who cannot........ That does not make for a sympathetic scenario.

lover not a fighter but doesn't matter

Rhett Butler said it's hard winning a war with words. Hm.....that's debatable.
About what I wrote on that PIRG job. I said.......I am sorry if I insulted anyone because there are lots of people working these places hard and long and doing great deeds. When I said godawful jobs that meant from my perspective that it IS a terrifically hard job and was quite treacherous. I did learn though I guess in terms of pitching something. But it was not for me. I was terribly shy and it was torture approaching people.....I was gawky and goofy. Anyway. Hope that clarifies.
I said some awful things about someone. I don't like saying this. I was mad and also concerned because this person carries bad vibes with her and I spoke plainly my feelings. I have seen it happen people hanging around people who only drag them down. I warned this person not to let it happen to him. But you know I don't want to say that. I figured it's none of my business but this woman did some things to me so it became my business, you know? Sad that such the world but it doesn't have to be.
Sigh. I miss Thai food and cold sesame noodles. I miss Brooklyn. I am looking forward to moving on. And into .....well.....

pic

lauralauras (@lauramsaiter) tweeted at 7:08 PM on Thu, Apr 04, 2013:
me standing next to the toilet! at least I'm not ON it http://t.co/BKhoiuL0pM
(https://twitter.com/lauramsaiter/status/319949511474700288)

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will never understand.....apologies

disclaimer: I know many pit bulls are nice dogs and of course they should be adopted out. There are many good people doing good deeds by taking the dogs into a loving home and properly training and caring for them. Of them I am not writing. But it makes me so mad......why do people adopt pit bulls (and then not responsibly train and control them)? ....it's not the dogs it's the owners. Eventually a little kid or another dog gets attacked. It's so awful I have had to pull dogs apart. Walking up the block with my laundry there was an incident....don't know the details nor do I want to. There are children cats dogs raccoons.....cats fight but they can manage themselves most of the time. It's horrible to be a witness to this and have no control. People have a responsibility to control their children and pets. A kid was running into people on purpose with a motorcycle........a teenage boy this was yesterday. But what can I do you know?

will never understand

it makes me so mad......why do people adopt pit bulls? Some are nice dogs....it's not the dogs it's the owners. Eventually a little kid or another dog gets attacked. It's so awful I have had to pull dogs apart. Walking up the block with my laundry there was an incident....don't know the details nor do I want to. There are children cats dogs raccoons.....cats fight but they can manage themselves most of the time. It's horrible to be a witness to this and have no control. People have a responsibility to control their children and pets. A kid was running into people on purpose with a motorcycle. But what can I do you know?

nap, suicide across the continent, dysfunctional super-anti hero

I did some ballet exercises which....dance is hard. I bathed, washed the floor, woke, got some soda from the deli.....was told by the guy who runs the laundry place nearby to get my stuff to wash now.....so rather than run I gathered all my dirty clothes which turned out to be the size of Mount Everest. Plus my lovely lavendar eco friendly soaps from the hippie store in the Village which I love. I am happy to say 6th Ave has changed little since I lived there as a teenager. It has retained its character unlike Bleeker St which is ......what words? I won't say. A polite word is unbearable. But 6th Ave has retained its charm. Its weirdness. Love it. So I went to the eco store and got products for my hair and trust me I have tried everything.....Giovanni is the best. And laundry stuff.
Next day I take a nap, wake and go to do wash. This movie is on the TV about a kid from a dysfunctional family (that topic to avoid) who becomes a mass murdering toxic avenger......really bizarre. Kansas decided life begins when the sperm hits the egg as a knee jerk to morning after. How sick. I am grateful to be in New York City. A pastors kid in California kills himself. I find out a well known actress filed for divorce on my birthday. A building collapses in Mumbai. I hope my friend over there is safe. I got some beautiful white soy candles and Indian incense yesterday at that place. The weather is warmer. I am ready.......I think.....

plan b more

I have heard stories of women in Chicago, where I am from, who were denied access to the pill by pharmacists........just unbelievable.....and couldn't get the pill.....one finally had an abortion. I personally have been lucky but that is not a reliable way of course.

Morning after plan b

what I have to say on this subject; although control over reproduction is far from the all encompassing solution to womens lives, it is of paramount importance, especially because the US is the only country in the world with a handful exceptions with no national child care or maternity leave. That is inexcusable. Also the truth about Plan B, in that I mean morning after pill, is that one can get it over the counter almost anywhere in the world without ID or a prescription except in the US.....BUT I am lucky to live in NEW YORK CITY where, as someone who has taken this pill three times, one can walk into a clinic and get it for nothing or get it at Rite Aid or Duane Reade for $40.......the catch is that I had to show ID even though I am over 16 when I went to Rite Aid and order it from the pharmacy. That is pretty humiliating. Or going to the doctor saying you need it. All this when it has been proven safe.

Plan B good news!

http://mobile.nytimes.com/2013/04/06/health/judge-orders-fda-to-make-morning-after-pill-available-over-the-counter-for-all-ages.xml

Roger Ebert

http://m.nydailynews.com/1.1307967 This hurts.....this week has been bleak. I met him when I was a child.....we used to visit mutual friends in a summer country house. My family and I of course. In Chicago. I do hope he is in a better place, and I loved their show too.

posted here by accident

http://molotovangels.blogspot.com/?m=1

I wrote some stuff on this site years ago (five!omg) not my best.....I meant this post about Jesus Malverde (I know I need the accent thing but cant find it sorry) to be on this site.......but posted on the MA by accident. But it's kinda fitting actually......

chez familia

hit the road jill and dontcha come back no more no more no more no more

must be oh to be unwanted. with just reason. nothing like the satisfsaction of punching out a person who deserves it. kaPOOM POW splat

visions part two..have I the eyes of Laura Mars?

For some re reason that crashed my phone. I am just.....well for the first time I am putting down experiences that were just in my head. I do sense something of Justin my ex who has been .....I don't know what happened to him. Or Chris. Or Saurab my former roommate. I very strongly doubt Justin is guilty of anything he is accused of. Chris and his battles.....I mean I didnt create any of this. I went through stuff in the three subsequent years that could have killed me only by a hair's grace did I get out of that. I didnt deserve that. I cant stand to see my friends hurt you know? All this shit they are dealing with.....I should not suffer for as it's not of my doing. Their personal lives and whatnot. It hurts me to think of them hurting. But they alone chose the company they keep.....and what went on between them is between them and .....point is I can't help who they are or the decisions they make. I just wish things were happier and it gets lonely here. I managed to screw in 7 light bulbs by myself but.....I admit I wish there was a man here.....that I want here. You know. Not a friend or roommate. And not married.....and I wish I could get my cable box back. It turns out its far more complicated than I thought. I was reading on St. Claire how she is the patron saint of television. I am not Catholic and am more or less agnostic now. But the saints and the rituals around them are quite fascinating to me. I noticed St. Claire was mentioned in the film Rebecca.....maybe she is symbolic for things hidden coming to light, or clarity?  I was watching some shows I got off Google play and the CBS app.....and I looked out of the corner of my eye toward my closet. Sigh.This I write after my phone crashed again! I saw....now it was dark except for my white candle.....and phone. Now yes its true I hung my black jacket which made a shadowy figure....in my head I suppose whatever. But it looked like a nun....but dark......dubious. And next to her a gremlin-like face....wrinkled, sinister.....heartless or emotion-less. I thought maybe that is St. Claire.....if so please fix my cable box?Or maybe a trickster disguised as her like the Black Swan. Maybe in my mind I understand. Emotional I am. 

visions?

But my point is I am not making light  of the environment.....I cleaned out my room washed a bunch of clothes.....carrying a huge bag of laundry to and from .....all on top of running.....feeling....... Say what you will. 

First I want to clarify on what I last wrote. I am not in any way denying the gravity of the environment crisis and go out of my way, believe me, to always recycle and like I just wrote I wash my floor at least every couple days. I don't smoke cigarettes. Not that this is environment-related but I don't even drink beer .....because its too difficult living in the.....it must have been.....birthplace of the temperence movenment New Jersey. Close enough to Newark. I have heard about extreme cult-like religious activity there. Religion is one thing. The fanatical and stalkerlike behavior of some individuals disguised as religious is another.Hey whatever works for someone I don't care. But when you persecute others for their beliefs and practices and accuse them of stuff they didn't do.....expect criticism where it's due. Anyhow.....not all of Newark or NJ  is like this. But this not Brooklyn, which I really miss, where you can walk to a bodega at 2am ....miss that too.....and buy beer, chips a sandwich whatnot. Everything closes at 11 and if you want alcohol not in a bar (and I wouldnt recommend going into bars here) you are sol screwed. Good news though is that I dont have that terrible hung over feeling when I wake and dont have the drinking face.