women artists, now

It just occurred to me (did I spell that right?) that I haven't seen much really intense stuff from women writers or musicians in decades. Ironically, Sylvia Plath wrote when women had far fewer options than they do now but her work was rich and powerful, even til today. But I have read plays by women that are supposed to be "women's plays" and been really bored or ....frustrated. Much of it is mediocre. That's not to say that there isn't good or great stuff or talented women and certainly not that women can't or shouldn't write or make music. Joni Mitchell once said something about how women are making their own roles but they're creating shallow ones. I mean, constantly recycling stereotypical roles is not inspiring or interesting. I don't see it as progress...I mean it's like blacks calling themselves "niggas".....I can see the point for a while; to reclaim power and all that, but then it's like, time to move on. I don't want to read more plays about prostitutes...not that I think they're bad or that that isn't a viable subject, and all women are forced into prostitution to some degree (except maybe nuns, but then again that's just the other side of the coin), and not that I think all female characters should be rocket scientists....yes, I know, it's where the opportunities lie for women and it's not a reflection of intelligence.....but it is still a stereotype. There are exceptions. for me, I like Katja von Garnier's work and Dot Allison's ...and sure there are more. Margaret Atwood. But......none of these women are American. Is that a coincidence? I have to find an American one....I guess I'm not into American music or art. Yes, once again there are exceptions....like the underground. THere are the raddie cheerleaders all of whom are super brilliant and super talented. There's Sarah Jones, I think her name is. There are plenty of great women poets today in NYC. I have to keep remembering that. But for plays, it's been a struggle.
But I haven't see much soul searching among women in decades that I've been alive, I mean the majority. And we can't just keep chalking it up to a conspiracy. I know, it sounds like I don't like women......but women do annoy me, some of them. But it's been me, as well.

so about what was a year ago (eerie) I thought all I wanted was out of the life I was living. Well, they say watch out for what you wish for: I got released from a job I was looking for a way out of. BUt here I am 9 months later having to go back to work, and so far the options aren't great. It's supposed to all come together but I wish I didn't have to do anything. All I want is to travel, meet amazing people and perform but then I don't want to lose my apartment....I have cats, I have debts, I have "responsibilities" and back then I did become to a part the girl with her head in the clouds. I wasn't as financially savvy as I should have been and it looks like I was some slob who was let go instead of what it was......that's what fucking bothers me. But...good news, everyone is gone from my former job, so I'm free in a way. THe company was bought so I have that as an excuse....I wasn't fired and I wasn't laid off....it was a weird in between, mutual. But it still really stabs me that people will see this and think I somehow failed like I'm a dummy or lazy or something. In fact, I couldn't take it. But now I have to go back into the world. If I want a non corporate job I have to go into restaurants and lie well and I HATE walking into places cold......but there MUST be something. I've worked hard and I have two interviews tomorrow......but I don't feel ready. Should I cancel? Or should I just get it over with?

ONe actually cancelled on me today and so I only had one.

I read about women taking birth control pills or getting implants and, I know there are people who disagree and swear by the safety, but I can't understand for the life of me why someone would want to mess up their natural cycle. SOmeone posted that fewer periods mean lower ovarian cancer risk....well my period started when I was twelve. My grandmother didn't get her period til she was 17 and she died of breast cancer or ovarian cancer at, what, 56? I guess everyone can form their own opinion, but I don't believe in putting chemicals in my body. To me, there's just something strange about cutting out your natural functions. One extreme is the religions that say no bc at all.....but this.....I have to wonder about anyone who wants to cut out that part of themself that makes her a woman. Is it they just have no feminine or maternal instinct? Well, maybe not. Some of these women really love animals, so it may not be that. Personally, I don't like kids much, but I still believe I need to get my period. It's a sign that my body is working the way it should.