still more on shp

I am really obsessed with this where I should have moved on. But we need to, I know there needs to be more structure and I applaud the accomplishments in that area. That was part of the problem.
Still, it's hard to describe, but I feel really frustrated with the outcome of SHP. I have a lot of conflicts, and I keep feeling like, so when are we going to get to the real issue here? Even the CHPs left me feeling disturbed. The workshops had a lot of good in them, and those are necessary for raising consciousness among women who are not in a "political" environment, i.e. like the LES or Williamsburg, in which they can realize they're not alone and that's how progress is made.

But somehow I don't feel right. I am bothered by some members and what they write. I am still mad about a couple of things. It's not that I dislike them personally. But my problems that I'm faced with and have been for most of my life are still there.....although maybe somewhat less than they were. I did feel sorry for some of the men I encountered at CHPs. I felt sympathy for them but I was still mad at what they did. But there is still that part of me that does want to be attractive. A part of me is sexual and attracted to men. No, I don't want a guy to treat me like a 15 minute bang, but I still crave sexual contact.