have you ever NOT known what to do next?

I am at that place in which I know what I want: many things at once. I want to act and perform. I have to. I can't survive without that.

BUt I have to financially survive as well. That's where the catch is. I want to perform all over the world but can't do that if I'm in a corporate job, where if I'm lucky I'll have 10 days off in a year.

My options are to move to Europe and find work there.

I don't want to lose my apartment, but it's very expensive and I have to work if I'm going to keep it.

And I feel the pressure to go now, before it's too late. I've been here two months, and still am unemployed. Progress is being made, but it's slow and treacherous.

I want to perform but I want to go places, too, before it's too late. I don't want to be traveling when I'm old. I am missing out on my 401k, well, I don't know. I'll take out a life insurance policy so my kids will inherit money when I die. That I care about.

But that's 30 or 40 years from now. I don't want to be playing frump roles, non-sexual ones. In the sexist world of Hollywood and acting in general, as usual, the emphasis is on youth and beauty. If I want to do it, the time is now.


so things are brighter, but not fully solved. I've been asked to write two articles, but non paid. BUT it's experience. I must have a talent for writing.

THe important thing is to initiate dialog and the way to do that is to get what you have to say out there. Even if it's flawed, it needs to be. Otherwise, what is the point?