You're not going to change anyone, and you can't make people happy. Some people can't be pleased and you can argue til the cows come home but they're going to think what they're going to think and you will think what you will think. I've been fighting a lot and I just have to accept that I can't control other people, and I can't change them. And fighting is a waste of time.
THe guy subbing my place is complaining that he's hot (I'm COLD in my apt) and the cats are giving him allergies. HELLO? I mentioned about 20 times that I have cats including a longhaired persian. WHy do people not listen? Now little West is complaining cause he wants to go in the bedroom and the guy doesn't want him in there. Oh....I'm starting to ....I just want to leave this place....but I'll still have to face all these things no matter where I am. And I feel London is a better town for me and yes, I know, it's expensive, many of my problems will be the same, I'm not naive enough to expect a perfect setting, but I still think it's right. Because I love certain people I met who are European and the people I love and care about (with a few exceptions like G and my family) are all leaving the US for Europe. but some people have been nasty and I don't know their reasons but I do know I'm not going to change anyone. The only person I can change is myself. I can't control our government or the "system" we live under; sure, in a better world it would be different but this is the reality here and it isn't going to change.....at least not tomorrow, if ever. And I can't control if someone is on a power trip or thinks I'm out to get them or rob them or if they have emotional problems ect. ect. no one is going to change them no matter what.....I can only control myself. I have to remember that, and remember things SHOULD be different but like the saying in the film Platoon goes, Sgt Barnes (Tom Berenger) said, "There's the way it oughta be, and there's the way it is." This is what I have in front of me: I need a job, I'm in a system where I have to work to feed myself and my cats and keep a roof over my head, there are people who are dissatisfied and who can rob me and make me look like the bad one no matter how wonderful I am, I live in NYC, and it's a competitive city, probably the most in the world. None of these things will change. I can only make myself the best I can. The rest is not in my control.
Went to a protest yesterday with the raddie cheerleaders and it was nice to see everyone again. There were a few good-hearted people there but it didn't have the passion of the summer events. Protests that consist of people sitting around on the grass and someone making the same speech......Booooooring. We lifted people up and brought out lots of yang energy cuz that's what protests need. People wonder why do we cheer? Well, that's why. Words and speeches can help, but you have to get people's attention and cause their hearts to jump in order to get them to care. Plus, it moves people emotionally. Ra ra ra smash sexism ra ra ra pay me what I deserve......my bush is better....yeah, people loved us. But I was so exhausted plus I had my period I went to MOther's place and slept for hours....woke up and it was 1:30 AM. My mom's place creeps me out and I think it's haunted....and I was there alone. I wanted to call G but it was late and he hadn't even called me. I was thinking, is he with another girl....blah blah. So before I know it it's 3 AM and I can't sleep so I did my exercises, but then I remembered I watched Amityville Horror with G and his new girl roommate and the girl, who is also a Laura, and I talked about the extreme negativity of that film. I saw it when I was about seven years old and was so scared I slept with Bibles for the next five years. That scene with the blood coming out of the walls....well, I started remembering those evil windows in that house and it was almost 3:15 AM and I started freaking.....crying.....praying....and was thinking, 3:15 is coming up help.......then I was done and it was 3:22 and I'm off the hook. Then I slept for five more hours and before I knew it the sun was up again......
So I have interviews tomorrow and a copy editing test .......wish me luck please!
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