moon signs

Moon in Virgo: Talkative, expressive, literary/critical ability, overly self-critical, lack of confidence, shyness, diffidence and deference, emotional need to be of service.


Moon in 8th House: An eighth house moon shows an instinctive connection with the deeper mysteries of life. Psychic ability is common with this placement, as is extreme jealousy or suspicion.

http://www.elysian.co.uk/themoon.htm


The above two pretty much are on the nail in describing my emotional life. I'm not a happy person by nature: I am jealous, spiteful, self-critical and critical of others and situations, a perfectionist and psychic, to a degree. Probably because of this placement I can't really be laid back or happy, really. It's just not my nature. I always want more, I'm never satisfied. Even when I eventually get a guy I've been after, I usually get bored, and in bed too. What is it, hunger? One of the signs of vampirism....well I haven't thought about it, but maybe that is why I've always been chubby cause I do have constant cravings.

I've been thinking back, on like where I was a few years ago: how I was madly in love with this guy who I now see was a total jerk.....so this idiot I thought I couldn't live without, like I'd die if I didn't get him. It was true love, in a way: I think we were soul mates. But now? Blah, who cares. I've so moved on, and it is funny how suddenly you wake up and realize you wouldn't care if you never saw this person again. And over and over I meet Guy who I think is the one, the only one, and I can't stop thinking about him and I can't stand to be without him, and then suddenly I don't care. So no matter how much I'm in love now I guess wisdom comes with age, and I see I don't really want them that much. Also, though, I know the day will come when I'm no longer young and pretty, and when I'm suddenly wise and strong I'll no longer be desirable, be looked at or hit on or whatever. Intelligence in women is really not valued, by men. Even the guys who asked me to marry them wouldn't even wait for me to leave the room: they'd hit on my friends or my friends' friends; I dreaded going to parties because of that. I thought it was a reflection of me, that I had failed somehow. I also thought I was unique, the best, that I had an advantage over everyone in the universe, only to wake up one day and discover that I'm one of millions, type O positive, normal. My thyroid is normal. I have no real power; in most situations. Men see women as passive pawns; we're not encouraged to fight back or be aggressive, and that includes when we're the target of unwanted sexual attention. The best or most we can do is nothing. I used to think confrontations were the right solution, but that only escalates the problem and makes it worse. It's like you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. Is it a test, to see how much they can provoke somebody?

This article I read was on the psychology of eye contact, and how in the animal kingdom it's considered confrontational. It said in many cultures one makes eye contact with someone they consider inferior only. I have been wondering why I am bothered by it, why I don't feel happy when people smile at me on the train, people who are strangers; why I don't want to smile back and feel like it's an invasion. Then I'm thinking, I'm mean, or whatever. But somehow....maybe it's the way I grew up.....too much familiarity from someone I'm not related to, best friends with or having sex with.....well for anyone is interpreted as sexual or aggressive. I think barriers are necessary, but then people will say I'm cold. I don't know where I'm going with this........but I'm always being made to feel guilty when I don't open up to strangers. But I don't; or at least, well put it this way: only to certain people I do.

In all these discussions on street harassment, there's a lot said on how this may lead to assault and why this makes it wrong. But for me, it's not that I feel unsafe cause most of the time I don't: it's more the fact that it's an insult. I realized, part of the problem is that in male-dominated atmospheres I was always made to feel low, in a way. Being part of feminist groups felt like a way out of that; but it also feels like a constant uphill battle to get a grip on some of the power in the world, out there..... At some point I may be attracted to a female, but it's rare just as I'm not attracted to many men, but I'm not gay. Some people genuinely are....... But I'm not, I'm someone who does need a Boyfriend and worries about what panties to wear when I see him.......but I also know that there's always going to be another pretty girl every time you turn around so.....I feel like I have to keep up with that and I can't really: it's exhausting and daunting to be faced with that all the time. How can I really? So it's ironic that I'm the one living like I am, right?