another dream, more like nightmare

After a very difficult cheering night I went home, fell asleep after a few too many, and dreamt I was in school living in the dorm, but it wasn't the Hunter dorm; more like the one I was in at Pace. And I had a few sets of keys some of which I put away like in drawers or something. Suddenly, I don't remember how this happened, but I'm talking to some kind of counselor who tells me, the problem is, we can't let you leave here. So I realized, they're going to get me and take me away, but if I make a scene that'll only make it worse. I then realize I CAN leave as all the exits are open, downstairs, so I'm going around the hallways and I stop at a locker, look in there, for something, then keep going downstairs, and I'm thinking I only need to get to my room and get out of here. So I do manage to get out and go to the dorm, and I get into my room, but I still can't find my keys. And I'm terrified, thinking I'll be a prisoner, and I'd rather die, but I woke up and realized, that was just a dream, I'm awake and free, sort of.


So we cheered again for what was supposed to be a lesbian party, and I guess we were expecting a more "sex positive" type of crowd, but instead it was all these girls standing around in jeans and sweatshirts, not even dancing, even though there were good djs there. There was also a kissing booth, but people weren't even into that.....and I just felt turned off in general, just wishing a particular person were there with me instead. But he didn't call. So the hell with him, or at least I'm trying to say that. So this crowd was not into our raunchy cheers and I mean, what the hell do people expect? If someone isn't into the sexy stuff, I understand and respect that, but why ask us to cheer then? Do they not read our Web site and cheers: look: we're a political group and our cheers are sexy and dirty and offensive, but it is just fun, you know? It's not meant to be taken literally. I consider myself a feminist and am against sexist art and Lord knows there's plenty of that: but that doesn't mean you can't wear pink and shake your boobs. I don't see cheering as derogatory. But anyway.

I'm just stressed a little, well a lot, over $. Evil money. I owe for student loans (my dad was right and I didn't listen to him) and rip off credit card bullshit. Fortunately it's only a few thousand, but I have it. I just don't know how I'll afford it plus rent plus everything else. I'm making more money than I did at my last job but it's liquid, it comes and goes. Really pisses me off. I read about these "debt bondage" slaves trafficked in from other countries and then realize that could be me.