I will never

I wrote some very upset, angry stuff. I mean, very angry. I was hurt and I still feel so so stabbed and betrayed, by people who I thought loved me and whom I loved and thought they were on my side. And these are the people close to me.
I was mad because I feel like I'm getting picked apart and criticized to pieces by interviewers and ex bosses and now my own mother and boyfriend.....I called him for sympathy after my mother said something very hurtful to me and went off on how I'm getting attacked but I try my best but nothing makes people happy. And he had the nerve to say if people are picking on me there must be some truth in it. I never ever in my life pretended I'm a perfect person. But that hit me hard, what he said. That felt like such a betrayal, I feel so brutalized by his comment I don't know how I'll ever get over it. I have to find the comfort and something else in me desperately need it cause I'm getting beaten up not by my enemies but by those I thought loved me and were on my side. And everyone is against me and I just wanted to die. Well, I don't KNOW everyone was against me but I felt like they were. And that hurt. THat stung, unbearably. And I have never in my life wished ill on anyone, not even my enemies. Well, OK there are people who have done truly bad things to me and I have wished they'd get run over by a car. OK, I did. But I guess it's not a permanent thing. Do these people know how I feel? I don't know how some people live with themselves, not just because of what they did to me but what they did to others.
Now, people are picking on this person I won't name, but I'll call him X. They mercilessly criticize him and his art and everything he says. His last project was panned here in the US. THat is another reason I want to leave here. Now, whether he is a good or bad person I don't know. I want to think he is a good person, that he's well intentioned, I believe he is, but I don't know he is. But does he deserve to be cut to shreds like this? Has he treated people horribly, enough to deserve this? I want to think the answer is no, and I know what it's like to come under that attack. I know how painful it is. If people stopped and considered how they hurt people when they stab others like this maybe this world would be a better place. If they thought for a moment that they're dealing with real people who have feelings but the kind of people who cut others apart aren't empathizing. It's like they're mad, and I'm mad, and I'm mad at certain people. Certain people have hurt me or others or behaved selfishly, and I'm mad. But I don't have any lasting desire to hurt anyone. And I think, I don't know but I think, there are people who have done far worse.