melt down

I ran through the park and lost it. It wasn't pretty. I was pissed at J pissed at my mom pissed at everyone who didn't give a shit that I was suffering it's not THEIR problem....then this girl and a nice lady expressed concern.....I was screaming. I hated everyone. But this nice older woman tried to help and what could I do? I just felt like, after all this time you didn't care that I am DYING NOW suddenly you do? What do I do? JC said keep the drama on the page. But I wasn't feeling social I just wanted space to myself and couldn't get it J with his comments and other men with their shit I won't go into that here. I am pissed at men, pissed at women for different reasons. And all I wanted was ...I didn't WANT to run. I MUST get back into NYSC and have my videos and crime shows and I had been watching Lady Gaga and having to run through the park and deal with people and I'm NOT a people person so SUE me ok? I was acting abominably like my family and hating people. I don't really hate people. But I have had to deal with some really bad stuff. There has been good which I'm grateful but there was bad as well. And people like the ones I dealt with who .....had this entitled attitude with me, like I owe them something. This is AFTER I gave them money! Nothing will be enough for them. Like what? What the fuck do they expect? I mean YOU YOU know who you are! Sifat? Isabelle? Ed? was that his name? Other Ed? This other guy I know he's pissed at me but it's not my fault! I lost it very badly. I was hurt by others I've seen people do really evil stuff to other people. I don't want to be fucked over the same way. But what do I do? I had to fight back. Only for so long can I contain hysteria. She said keep it on the page. I am trying. I did write it out. That was so hard. But a release. Still, I'm moving not writing.