very worn out

That's all I can say for now. Today was a mixed bag, of success and failure. I don't miss the office, but I had thought life would get simpler since leaving Thomson but....well, there are improvements. But I still have to always make that extra effort even though all I want to do is sleep, and for the past two days I've been struggling with that. During the day, like afternoons, I feel like I'm going to faint, and I can't be in the street, or around anyone. Maybe it's....well, I've always been a night person. Maybe I'm overly sensitive to sun. That must be another reason I'm not a nine to five person and can't ever be. Like on a film set, I can get there at 5am and leave at midnight, no problem, I'm not saying I won't work. But a film set is different from a dull office job that isn't leading anywhere, isn't fulfilling, ect. Plus, standing on crowded subways and buses and being constantly brushed up against, people in my face, stares, not even friendly but just in a way; ok, maybe they're trying to be friendly, I appreciate that, but at certain times I want to be alone cause that's how I am. I work best alone and not interrupted, or that was what I was taught as a writer anyhow. You need that time by yourself; or with acting, you can rehearse and perform with others but you still need to rehearse, or I need to rehearse alone as well to really get into what I'm doing. Whatever others want, I can't tell you. But I know I need that. Still, the other side of that is that you dredge up all kinds of things that can be hurtful, painful. It spills over into life. So I need to escape at the end of the day somehow; that's my drug, since I don't watch TV, smoke or do drugs anymore. ???????