somewhat better

I'm recovering but still queasy. I'm really getting fed up with people's well meaning but ........I just don't want anyone to analyze me or tell me what I'm doing wrong, or at least I'm really pissed at people talking down to me, or treating me like some sad little flower who needs pity and adult supervision (hello, I am an adult, making rational decisions) or "lecturing" me. I mean, no fucking kidding, my personal problems are obviously palpable and serious, and it's not like I'm not aware of them. I'm well aware of the gravity or the situation.......like, oh, actually I just thought I'd try living this way cause I thought it'd be fun. Is it a crime if I don't want to go back to another degrading, stressful, underpaid work situation? Yes, I have to work, I'm well aware of that. It's not my fault that the choices suck, or are less than glamorous. I believe that, as myself, I have a little more insight into my own psyche than anyone else and I'm aware of what advice is good for me and what is just someone playing God with me, actually, or really, so much of the time people's altruism and desire to save another person, if we want to put psychology into this, is a desire for power on their part. In part. I really have.......people aren't generic, they can't be molded like clay, and I don't believe we're all born alike or can be all made alike. I believe there are components in people you can't change, and be weary of judging others because you don't know anything about them, you don't know what motivates them. And that's true. Too many women, really, are always very judgmental of me and other females and have little forgiveness of faults or.......I'm just very angry about this, right now. I see it happen over and over again. I thought it would help me to be open and honest but it's backfired on me, big time. I have to keep living a lie and telling people what they want to hear rather than the truth, you know? But the truth is not.......so I go on pretending. Maybe, some day, somewhere out there, someone will read this and relate or something, I don't know.