oh lovelies

Thursday, August 24, 2006

obsession and fatigue

Endless wondering: will so and so call are they mad did I alienate them what are their reasons what motivates them waiting and waiting the curse of love. Easy to say: I'm not gonna wait anymore no matter how much I like someone, and no matter how I try to alleviate it I end up waiting again. ARRRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!! Simone de Beauvoir wrote of love being potentially hell and I know what she means. I actually miss David was thinking of him but I'm also jealous that he's traveling. Now I'm looking at the food channel and shots of Paris an absolutely gorgeous, breathtakingly, city. And wanting to go back, to go somewhere, wherever! South Africa Colombia California back to Egypt.......

Always feeling tired like I'm going to faint when I'm outside and there's an endless laundry list of Stuff that needs to be done yesterday so badly wanting to connect with someone but also wanting NOT to. I'm eating chocolate which I shouldn't but I have endless cravings for it cravings period plus well periods of feeling like I'm going to pass out then suddenly not being able to sit still. The doctor told me I'm borderline anemic.

It was Tolstoy who wrote: all happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own unique way. The events of this past weekend are tragic but also absurd to the point of being almost comic. If everyone is famous for something I wonder if we'll be famous for being weird, and I ran into Sonny on the train....he just looked at me and didn't even say hi just really creepy, like foreshadowing. I am getting A LOT of foreshadowing plus seeing people who look like V and D plus .....I'm looking for clues but have none, for now.

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