how do you love someone whose great love affair is with themself?

Way back when, a few years ago, I hadn't done enough homework on psychological traits like narcissistic personality disorder or sociopathy and I believed that it was possible to change people. Like if I asked my roommate not to do something she would get the idea that it's wrong, it bothers people, and try to stop. Instead, we're talking about addicts here, the whole thing was turned on me, they made me out to be the wrong person, crazy, a jerk, a dangerous person......they don't see their own faults and attribute criticism to someone being out to get them, to harass them. In other words, they don't change no matter what. Psychology 101 should be a requisite for anyone in the work force. My life would be so different now if I knew then what I now know. A part of me sensed something wrong with them, but I also felt like I myself had failed, done something wrong. Someone who is shallow will not understand something like philosophy, or art film even; but instead become vindictive to others who see their game and call them out on it. OK.

It may seem to some people like I'm being negative or pessimistic. I see it as the opposite: by laying the bad stuff on the table, I'm creating the possibility of hope, of survival. But life is not all sugar and I'm not going to pretend everything and everyone is great. That said, this is last night's dream: This is a recurring one; the math class I'm about to flunk and my mother has the same dream.......


I'm in college and I've been taking three classes....one of them a math class that's required for graduation. It's near the end of the semester and I realize I completely forgot about any of these classes, particularly the math, and I'm thinking, how will I ever graduate much less go to grad school now? I'm ready to talk to someone and ask if there's any hope now of passing.

Then, another recurring dream, I'm on a plane, it takes off.....there's this girl, basically "dyky" who is the pilot; actually, she was this girl I saw on the train station earlier, to get the L. I think I'm moving through different parts of the plane but finally sit in front and I'm trying to figure out where we're going. Finally, we start to land, but she misses the landing spot in the airport, and lands against the wall. I'm thinking we're going to crash or at least get banged up.....but we land somewhat safely, unharmed.....



then I woke up.