was pretty emotional and......well, I guess cause I was reading about others taking trips and thinking of where I want to go. THis is all too complicated to write now. But there is that side of me that wants to go places and the other side that has life experiences, that needs and plans and aspires. I know that I can go somewhere but will at some time also have to return. I'm all over the place now, but it's looking more and more like I can spend some time in Berlin, maybe go in August. Ideally like three months.
But it's true, this apartment is too much for just me and I got really sick of pulling weeds and collecting rocks, taking them outside. My front entrance outside is full of garbage bags and boxes of rocks. Like I said before I don't want to waste my life with stuff like this, but then again, I have to deal with it.
If what I read about life lessons holds any weight, I can at least say that this was a learning experience. I learned from mistakes what not to do, and exactly what to expect. If I learned anything, it's I know where I don't belong, where I know I can't go no matter what, what I won't do no matter what. There are other things. At least I know I have other options, for now. I have to remember that even at my old job the MAJORITY of the people were decent. It's like that at most jobs. I just wish I'd known six months ago what I know now. I was at ABC no Rio today ....I'm a hippie, a punk, sort of, at heart. And I'm thinking from now on I can only focus on what I really care about and at least I know what to avoid. I guess my weed analogy was extreme-sounding but it's kind of true....well, at least I wonder if it is. But the general horridness of some people's behavior is something I'll never get used to, that will never stop affecting me in a very scary way. Some people are just mean, so much it's astonishing. Like some people I encountered recently. And I do wonder why they are that way, like is it bad experiences in life or they're just born like that? ONe of those things people have been struggling to know.
3 comments:
Shocking really that people around you have such a negative effect.
It really is one of those things that will be sorted over time.
Are you still thinking of being an egg donor or dominatrix?
Please don't take me literally all the time. Egg donor and domme are the jobs posted on craig's list....and that's only the mild ones.
not everyone in my life is bad, I really must have put things out of proportion. I said the majority of people I worked with were good. But....I've had some particularly ugly confrontations with certain people including just before I wrote on that blog.
I am going to go into bartending, but not waitressing. If you read the thread on b and a, apparently people calculate to the 1 percentage how much to tip a waiter based on how quickly they put a sandwich and drink on the table!
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