more auditions

don't know, maybe cause I was up late last night, but today I've been so lethargic. All I accomplished was an interview and some monologue work. Well, yeah, that's something. I suppose there was more.......


been walking a lot, I'm obsessed. I can do it for hours and hours. I was on the Manhattan bridge but I started to freak, like what if this bridge fell? All those however millions of tons going into that nasty river and if I was on it......What would I do? Just the impact of the bridge hitting the water would bring me.....and whatever else into the it. I have this thing about heights and water anyhow. Then a chopper was flying right overhead.....low.....when that's happening it means there's something going on, big, like a crime. And for a second it looked like it would crash into the bridge, that's how low it was going. It came over me and I screamed, thinking for a second it'd hit. I guess that's leftover from 9/11.

my mother lives in Lower Manhattan, and I've spent a very big portion of my life in nyc below 23rd st. There was a fire there at the turn of the century, the triangle fire. All kinds of freaky stuff happened there. Actually that is all of nyc.

I have this swollen eyelid, too, not knowing where it came from.

yeah, I'm weird and getting weirder. I can't stop thinking about a particular thing, try though I may. I am obsessed with dance music and club life. I guess I should've gone to the complacent party. But there are many more opportunities. I can't sleep, as I'm a night person. Daylight makes me ill, and faint. Someone else suggested I try bartending. I'm a night person, but if I'm in a show it won't matter, unless it's at 3AM.


not only that but I've been having weird sexual thoughts or moral ones. I've been thinking about scarlett o hara and what dillemnas she faced, cause I could have been there too. I would feel guilt, there are some things I would avoid doing if I could. But I understand something else ......I've been far from sweet....I'll have to go into it another time. But I wish I knew what certain people were thinking or what it is they want. If I knew that, I'd be able to maybe help them. But I can't read them. I don't know what motivates anyone.....is it possible to?