oh lovelies

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Went to Bigelows and tried on some make up lipstick and base cover up (which I rarely use) which was too intense and heavy.....kind of funny I looked freakish, like a Cirque de Soleil performer. Two months after my attack I woke from the initial shell shock though I always knew what was happening: an attempt to trick me into doing sick sex shit that I would never do (or anyone in their right mind) when that didn't work this person became physically violent. I'm not naming names now but ugh! the lows that humans sink to and two of my former bfs, yes, admittedly, you know are capable of far better and it's not like I didn't warn them about certain things. They knew plenty well what they were getting into and they went ahead anyway. I feel like as I have studied psychology either these people are trying to provoke or get caught I don't know or else the fear or rationality factors or chemicals in their brains are inhibited or weak or not there. The brain releases chemicals for different situations as an evolutionary survival mechanism and fear factor is one of them. The message "Don't go out tonight!" "Don't jump into that volcano!" "Don't do this; it's not worth the consequences" or some such message to hold one back. Sometimes it's necessary to step out of a comfort zone scary though it is but there is a difference between that and immature stupidity and failure to control impulses. You can't keep defending shitty behavior even if you were driven to it or under pressure from others if you're hurting others and damaging lives; even under threat, you hurt innocent people you're a cunt, and I don't sympathize or care what your excuse is. Excuses are a dime a dozen. You have family, well so do I; I was hurt and we were hurt by what you did. You had a choice; you chose to act on the side of cruelty and immorality. The Nazi soldiers stated they were merely following orders. Understandable, but not an excuse. On further discussion this may be more clear. I'll leave it here for now. You of whom I speak, you know what I'm talking about. If you are helping or benefiting yourself by hurting me or another innocent person and making a deal with the devil then you are simply an asshole, pure and simple, and I hope he charges high interest oh yes if such was life and so simple. yeah, that I hope. I'm withholding names but those of whom I speak if you're reading this you know what I'm talking about and who you are and let's not kid ourselves, if you're righteously indignant it's melodrama and, yes, my criticism of you is valid. Maybe you'll learn from it, if you're at all human. 

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