oh lovelies

Saturday, August 29, 2015

pop psych: narcissim, sociopaths, psychopaths

I jotted this down after reading an article: this associated with narcissism but attributable to others. Mainly all three have a need for validation as well as power and control. I've seen this behavior in poor and oppressed people as well as rich middle class this is one illness that's across the board. Ironically, it manifests itself in pretty much the same ways; except sometimes the middle and upper middle classes will go to greater lengths to hide it. Heaven help you if they sense you know their secret: they will go ballistic at you and often try to destroy you or at least prevent you from talking. Oftentimes they themselves know psychology but will fail to see these traits in themselves and project them onto you making you think you are bad, you are the problem. You're not. They are bad, they are the problem. But they will go the distance to maintain that deception, really do anything to. Their obsession and impulse is to seek out situations of power no matter how irrational and that of course is dangerous to everyone including animals. They will lie about who they really are; and go to any length to present themselves as upstanding members of society; progressive and liberal thinkers (in fact they're the opposite: they usually hold rigid, intolerable and inflexible (usually patriarchal) views on how the world should be and how people should act, what their "role" in society is and expect everyone to act according to that. But if it suits them to the occasion they will pretend to be the opposite. They will involve themselves in liberal and activist causes; and if it gives them the role of the "rescuer" even better as that validates their need for power while disguising their true identity. No one will think they president of the society for abused children or animals is not a nice guy/girl. It also forces they rescue into the position of being grateful and owing them. All of these attributes are glaring red alarms in a potential rapist or date rapist and honestly .....there are many athletes and frat boys and jocks who are great people and there are many of them in my family. But often in those circles (I saw a lot of this at Stuyvesant as well) is the premise that they must win at all costs, blast through obstacles, convince the other party to your way of thinking or change their opinion, win them over, rack up numbers, prizes, statistics you get the idea. And be aggressive and scary to your opponent. But this alone isn't always enough because often these men don't want trouble. Borderline or narcissistic personality comes with it: the need to instill both admiration and fear into another, to draw them into your circle and keep them there; as well as bipolar thinking one minute you're great the next you're terrible no matter what. Rage, intolerance, unforgiveness inappropriate to the situation; i.e. over minor things, can erupt into violence if their superiority is questioned or if they sense that they're losing you.
Women and girls fall for actors, athletes and rock stars because they are good looking, charismatic, famous and rich and achievers in arts and sports as well as "poets" who "understand" them I understand as a teenager I looked up to these men. Often, they do understand. But that's not always a good thing. These are the kinds of people who seek out power, acclaim, fame because it validates them and gives them control. Life is a set of statistics to them, and trophies and men view women as this; as the Other, as less than them, as a thing; and they seek out environments and situations where they won't be criticized or punished for this type of thing but told that it's ok to behave this way even if you are damaging people and lives. I can understand being attracted to boys in bands and actors but athletes especially are trained daily in aggressive, high adrenaline settings and to seek winning numbers, points, prizes, money; and to move up the ladder by pushing others down. This doesn't make for boyfriend material because he carries that mentality over to women and to put it plainly he doesn't give a shit about you or anyone else he's sexually involved in. It can hurt to be psychologically coerced or manipulated into degrading, humiliating and painful sex acts and this further confused by the fact that in these circles this type of behavior is  accepted and they get away with it; while they think you're just a cheap tramp. Maybe some women act "cheap" or dress that way and be they ever so this, so that, even if they act "trashy" no one deserves to be treated like shit. No one deserves to be lied to to get them to consent to sex then dumped like used toilet paper. But that's how it happens and it's condoned and accepted; these men are surrounded by people who parrot and reinforce what they want to hear which is that they are right, can do no wrong, and it's acceptable to hurt people this way and a good thing. But it is none of these things. It's not acceptable, it's not good, and nothing but wrong ever comes of this behavior. It creates long-term ill effects emotionally, psychologically, socially; it tears apart relationships, friendships, and is purely destructive. The emotional toll is not always visible but is disastrous. This whole basketball player/ex gf suit maybe they are both immature and both wrong. She may be telling the truth it wouldn't be surprising. The difference between consented to and not consented to sex can be hazy and confusing. Maybe you agreed to this but not to that but he argued with you tried to change your mind told you that (usually in more glossy terms) this turns him on and that if you don't do this he will find some other girl who will. There is always "some other girl" outside. So you finally give in under pressure and even though you said yes and you weren't physically forced you ended up being talked into something you didn't really want  to do. You don't want to think your bf is a monster and maybe he isn't. He has good qualities.....but point being a lot of athletes are narcissistic and are in a setting in which women aren't respected and in the end he chose someone else for his wife while you were a "side chick." Thing is, he probably treats his wife just as shittily. The more women and girls are educated the less shiny the fool's gold. Venus, goddess of love, is of smoke and mirrors. Narcissists concoct an image but it's a facade to draw you in. They can sense where you are vulnerable and suck on that and suck on that and suck on that the vampires they are til there's nothing left of you, til you're haunted by a ghost of your old self with no idea what happened. But an attachment is an attachment and some women (men) won't let go and if they're narcissistic in their own way they will seek their own validation. Or revenge. Well, the best advice would be know what and who you are dealing with.

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