the blues

The first draft I wrote of this was pretty scathing. I'm just really stressed out and upset, now. The place I moved into is .....the closest stop is Clinton Washington, and that's sketchy, and then it's a 15 minute walk, through dark streets with men lurking around. Oh. Ugh! In cities like Berlin and Cairo even it's safe 24 hours. And people there aren't rich. This neighborhood DOES have rich residents and it's still not safe. This is NYC, you know? But the building outside my window has graffitti all over it and there are these home boys hanging out there, and I heard this woman's voice saying, "you motherfucking cokeheads, I'm gonna smash this bottle on you. You think you high up living in a Jewish building!" I want to cry and scream, both. I was happy by Columbia. And the rent is THE SAME. One good thing, ok, there are a few. The bathroom is huge and there are two. I can take a nice bath and chill out with a movie and lots of wine, as soon as I make some money.


I had a particularly disturbing encounter with some guy wanting to fuck me in the ass. My opinion of these kinds of men, who want to fuck women in the ass, is very low. It's degrading, disgusting, and I don't want to get within 10 feet of them much less touch them. I really hate these men. It's degrading, unsafe and painful. NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's not far from rape, really. PLEASE men like that stay away from me!!!!!!!!!!!


Also, I complained how some people seem to get everything handed to them while I have to work my ass off for crumbs, and yeah, I'm pissed. I could have it worse, I know. Maybe I'm having a self pity party, but it's true. It's so hard to live here without money or connections. And people can be such bitches, too, so arrogant, like my former co-workers. These are little, like my former supervisor, brats whose parents bought their Ivy League education who have the nerve to condescend to me because I was a copy editor when they don't know grammar and CAN'T SPELL. It's like, if you're gonna go to Harvard or Brown, you should at least have above second grade reading and writing skills, especially if you work for a corporate newspaper, so shut up, you know? And besides, they had no right to pass judgment on me when they knew nothing about me, uh, yeah, I am speaking about my former supervisor, a guy, but some of the girls, too.