oh lovelies

Monday, July 20, 2015


heavy concentration......ugh! been all over the place. It took two hours to get to my place last night I vowed never to attempt the subway on Sunday again. I was......hating the MTA with a vengeance.......walking around in heat and humidity that was so intense it was hard to see.....you could practically swim in it. I do need now a respite of some kind.....but am so wired can't sleep now. 

Anyway, this is from a couple years ago.....where does the time go? I was in Jersey City. 

This song by the Wallflowers came on as I posted something "seems such a waste/she always had a pretty face/I wonder why she hung round this place....."

So I had my own thing going and was in a different place (geographically) had barely a clue who.....this person was. I was caught up in my own love life and who I thought I was in love with didn't think about this person .....that way......or anything in any personal way as......how would I? ......That, I see now, is where I fucked up. I should have. It hurt me to leave but I had to. I thought.....it felt like the end. "I can't bear the thought of leaving you/though I don't dare to stay/my heart and soul are at a tug of war......left with emptiness no second thoughts/there's nothing left to say" But it wasn't. Well the end of one chapter the beginning of another. 
What happened.....at the time, I thought it was a routine audition like so many others I'd gone to. This girl was dancing to one of their songs. I'd heard it before, snippets, on the radio. This--she--was amazing. The room was.....lit up. I don't know why this stuff was more popular in Chicago than NYC this song was made in the U.K. but so much of what I heard on the radio in Chicago was made in NYC but more popular in Chicago twisted......right. Thinking now......no......something here was out of the ordinary. A....? Formality of some kind. It was right in front of me and impossible to forget and I never did. Nor did I ever understand what it was. But suddenly; everything changed and so had I. I was never again going to be what I'd been before.

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