lightheaded

by my own doing I woke up and drank 2 liters of mountain dew and couldn't resist, my sweet tooth what it is....the $1.09 special of movie-sized junior mints at Wallgreens, and then my favorite, candy corn, albeit out of season. 

some good things happened, some horrible things happened. 

So now the sugar is buzzing in my head. But boy did I miss it for 2 days. 

I woke up and started making a list. Copying drafts of other lists. These things are daunting. What do I want? What do I want to do? Me being the ADD case of the universe listed 1,000 things in about ten minutes....then AAGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!! Need to do this and this and this and this and this and this

I had this dream that a friend was meeting me for a party in a school auditorium. It was all grey though. I dream about my high school a lot, except that it's empty and only security guards are there.

So high on my TO DO priorities:

dancing

writing 

book? 

acting 

getting on a tv series 

costumes 

yoga blog 

therapy 

dentist

eye doctor 

apt search and find 

dance pole 

cats 

Speaking of which, I ran yesterday up to harlem. Had to go up there for something so I figured I'd kill two birds with one stone. Took me 45 minutes to get up to 116th st. It's so nice up there! Being up there really lifts my spirits. There's Whole Foods, which I actually like a lot. They have everything, man. Really nice oils and candles.....I do go in for all that hippie New Age stuff. They...the Starbucks was sampling this awesome like cappuccino chocolate rock candy the best whoever invented that I love you. Then I went into Sephora......I think this was after I discovered this playground which had, incidentally, a pole. I started kind of practicing on it. I did my dance exercises....why I am so stiff always I don't know. By the time I was done, my legs were shooting fatigue. My hands, fingernails....all of me was filthy. I went into Whole Foods then, used the bathroom where I washed my hands and armpits. Then I went into Sephora and put this exquisite hand scrub, like peach scented, on my hands for my nails. Painted my nails in their Mermaid color. They looked great on me! Then used some of their Murad face wash. Left. Somehow walked back to my gym where I showered. I went to my school library....put my head down for a nap and woke up several hours later........I was that tired. I had no energy to perform that night.

All because the other thing that may have killed me. But I'm still too young to die. Especially over people who don't matter, who won't in the end. So I have to dig my way out of a grave. And I did.
I remembered this dance class I took in school....the teacher, an older female, was telling the boys to get a dance belt said it would "hold them like steel."