one destination

I think I'll cross out is Thailand, since I was at a Thai restaurant where the waitress was a gargantuan bitch, and very nasty to me. Maybe I did something wrong, but she still didn't have to get that way. I mean, why should I go to a place where I'm apparently not welcome? A part of me wants to see the rest of the world, but today, the past 24 hours, have been extremely trying. I do have my parents' temper and if I'm overly provoked, really if I feel I'm not being respected, then that sets me off. But there's only so much anyone can take and everyone is entitled to a certain amount of courtesy.....and there's just so much. It's like I'm getting a tremendous amount of hostility from people I am trying to help, and it makes me wonder if I'm doing the right thing. It's awful, awful, to be the target of that. It will never sink in, I'll never get used to it. It's like being stabbed in the back as soon as I walk away. Not only that, but there's still so much sexism everywhere and it's like, what is ever done about it? People protest but it still is rampant, impossible to get away from. Everything from these offensive videos to men leering at women on the street, on the subway, it's sick, sick. And they never apologize, but make excuses like it's nature and they can't help it. It's absolutely rampant, like in my neighborhood which is heavily black and Hispanic but it comes from white guys as well. These men only get even more hostile and threatening when confronted, and too many women are ineffective in dealing with this problem. I had to go home from the exhaustion, emotional, of being faced with this today. I made a cocktail at around 4PM, drank it in three sips, then smoked the rest of a joint someone gave me. I then fell asleep, after writing a little, and dreamt I was looking at pictures of these two men, and while I looked at one, I said to the other, it's so cute that you're jealous.....then the lights went out. I was running around my room trying to find the switch, and when I found it and turned it the light still wouldn't go on. I was in bed, got up again to turn it on, and the room was black. I said, I want to wake up, I want to wake up.......then I did wake up to see at least light in my window.