feeling better, somewhat

I've been in pain, physically and emotionally, for the past few days. First it's the injuries from the assault including muscle cramps which are excruciating. I've never felt pain like this. I took 4 advil at a time and that's the only thing that works when it flares up. I may have to go to the doctor.

Then, I ate some pasta and felt nauseous--don't know if I suffer from a food allergy or something. I went for a walk for like an hour or so.....just can't sleep. During the day I want to sleep and at night I can't sleep. That must be why I'm obsessed with nightlife because that's my instinct. When I was a little kid I watched the Amityville Horror at night and also, when I was really little, I saw things in my room. Maybe that's where my insomnia comes from: because I was always afraid something would get me, so I'd be up all night and all I could do was read. Then I'd have an hour's worth of sleep and have to get up and go to school and I guess I was pretty fazed out that explains why everyone thought I was spacey. I thought I had to arrange all my books exactly right or else "they" would come to get me. And the movie was just.....for two years I was terrified at night.....that blood would come out of the walls. And during those years I think I lived, in school, completely in my head, and had no idea what was going on around me. I would read a book and miss the bell, miss class. For long periods of time I don't think I spoke to anyone.