What I am facing I mean: the futures Worth the sacrifice and the pain but I did feel it acutely. But not understanding wish I could understand why. The times I felt that abyss over the past year among them in Jersey City with my phone out the TV out I was alone in that fucked up house and feeling almost like in a mausoleum. Suddenly .....I was in a dark tunnel and the light was Sara Ivanhoe and her yoga tape so thank you. A few friends helped at times and thank you. What I did make was genius but that too takes a village. I did my part. This now though .....I have to face this and.....this is completely new. It's so painful at times. It's all great. It's all a relief. It's so right. It's a lot of work. A huge burden but what can I do?