wipe the tape clean?

That's an expression in this book The Robber Bride where a woman is told that to forget someone who screwed them over. I try to do this with db I try I try I tell myself this I try try to put him behind me but why can't I? Why does he just keep coming back? I see the number of his address everywhere. I think about stabbing him he stabs me it's hell, so painful. Wipe the tape clean! She says in the book. But the other one can't, she says you've never had a dose of this person. If it were that simple I'd have done it. Sometimes I want to stab myself to get rid of this feeling. To feel something else. This is a perpetual dull knife twisting in me. When will it ever go away? I've had bad experiences with other guys but I moved on and forgot them. Why is it not happening with him?