oh lovelies

Saturday, December 29, 2012

fiscal cliff?

bI was typing before my phone crashed I sure hope "they" resolve this just cause I'm so damn tired of reading about it! I went through a .....was horribly distressed yesterday about some stuff. personal. I am somewhat better. I went running today not as much as I was but my knees are holding up.....I have been staying in and training practicing  and am so tired in between.....I fall into bed. some girl yelled at me, which I heard but didnt see, you still running? I googled bayside park and its interesting the history of it and this woman wrote of her childhood here. the sixties. how "the neighborhood changed." pretty phoenomenal. but so it happens. the demographic she means. why is it that way? sigh. goodness if I can answer that.....


I made some really bad decisions last year. some of the worst of my life. I was almost forced to. I never, ever ever want to repeat that mistake. I wish it were otherwise. I just didnt know what to do. I will never do that again. But I don't understand why.damn phone crashed. goddammit!!!!! I was typing, before it got erased, some would say I used people. Maybe I did. And I regret that. I did not set out to. I dont do that, period. Intentionally. However, in terms of the bigger picture I feel used. I do. Maybe I'm being overdramatic but I feel that way. I feel manipulated. Whether that was intentional of them or anybody I dont know. now I am going to save. scuseme.it saved automatically TYVM. I do feel that I was used and manipulated as well. That is really not ok. From January til March last year I went through some of the worst hell of my life. I do resent certain people as they had a direct involvement look I dont know their intentions or anybodys for that matter. I only know what I sense.....but I was in a position of getting in the company of some people who hold views and emotions that honestly I find repugnant. I cant shake, for what it's worth, this feeling of dirt......

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