oh lovelies

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

I couldn't

keep this in my head forever. I didn't even start pole dancing til I was in my thirties, but ......it can be done; you have to work at it...... So I did. My arms, legs would be bruised the next day.....I would just want to sleep.....so much and it was terribly hard work but I just kept going; why? Why did I put myself through this. I didn't have to. No one told me to. But I did. I kept writing too.....I went in life in art to hell and heaven and all over, low and high. For it---- to happen this way with so much ugly drama; of course I didn't want that. I put myself through all that cause I believed in it. There was not much conflict; the way there was with other things.
I was, younger, very trusting where I should have listened to my instincts and not been. But I couldn't imagine someone......that they would do that; it was preposterous. And ....for so long......and get away with it. I didn't know but I had.....I could sense something was way, way off, something was really wrong. I just had this chronic bad feeling; but now I know and that's gone. I'm very relieved.....

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