Maybe when there's time I'll go into it more. She moved in about a couple months ago, not sure. After two weeks I was ready to move out, because of her. I thought if I kept avoiding and ignoring her, she'd get the hint and go away. Instead, she tries harder to get my attention. She picks fights about mundane things, like, believe it or not, toilet paper. It is hard to even write this it's so absurd. I kept my mouth shut and restrained myself unbelievably which is not like me. She picked another fight about me moving her rug when I had to take a shower, never mind that it's incredibly rude (not to mention impractical) to put a white rug in a bathroom shared by four people. A woman I know once made a remark about how white rugs are not friendly, people-friendly. They're offensive, they're there to drive people away. I hung it on the shower but ....it's not even worth writing about it. I hate this situation and can't stand to be there. I am being harassed. Then the other one in the room next to me started with me about keeping cleaning fluid on the bathroom floor. If she were a neat person it'd maybe be justified....but this is someone who left a broken mirror and bags full of trash and rotten food in the kitchen for weeks at a time. It was unbearable with just the one but now it's them. Maybe I'm doing something wrong. Call me a bitch, but I don't think it's me. Or maybe it is. But regardless, I am finding a subletter and moving til the place downstairs, which was supposed to be ready four months ago, is finished.
Honestly, the one across the hall is trying to bully me. The story of my life--having to fight people like this. I lived alone and thought that'd be a solution but it wasn't really. But from now on I think that's what I need. I didn't choose roommates, I thought I had to. These people are off the street useless individuals, just my opinion. Maybe I'm arrogant. Not flawless, but this isn't about that. I can't stand this, maybe I really need to live alone. I have to find something. This is unbearable.
The city is too crowded and today I had to deal three times with someone invading my personal space and I did get very, very mad. I'm not someone who should ever be provoked. I don't understand people who do. One of these days these people are going to piss off the wrong individual and.....
it's taking all my will power to deal with this in a mature way and not become a spiteful person because I don't want to be that. People (all men, by the way) have told me I have to fight hard and ruthlessly to keep from being walked over. Unfortunately that is true sometimes. I have been forced to fight back innumerable times. Sometimes it's men who try to push me around or cheat me-- but often, most often it's women. Maybe it's power, intimidation, I don't know. But I don't want to live this way. It's ugly and negative. Still, and I'm a woman, the more daily meanness I encounter the more I feel like, why am I trying so hard to save the world, save people, when this is how I'm treated? Someone in the street harassment project wrote an email on a similar subject, how we're taught to think, this person has been eaten away by racism/sexism--whatever it is-- and it's made them ruthless or bitter...... but how many excuses can you make? Meanness and selfishness cut across all barriers. So does irresponsibility. Why care about those who don't care about me, who would be happy to see me hurt and humiliated? But like I said, the problem with being nasty is, you come to their level. I go everywhere, and away, to get away from this, but like that girl across the hall and the people who sat right next to me in a restaurant full of empty tables, there's always another around the corner. I try to get away but I can't, it seems. I have to, though. I have to get away from this. My emotional survival depends on it.
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