continues

I'm so angry, at so many things. I go out, in a dress and heels, and the stares, the attention I get is more than I can handle. These....I don't want to stereotype and I really am not biased....but these girls and guys who are really ghetto are screaming....laughing loudly...where I am at the South Street Seaport. I hate loud laughing and talking. Maybe it's a cultural difference. Look, my family was poor, my grandmother grew up barely able to afford food or shoes, during the Depression. But people were well-spoken and well-read. Not to mention well-dressed and mannered. I know other people who grew up with very little money and yet they were well-educated and spoke good English, or Spanish. I just don't tolerate stupidity, vulgarity or bad breeding. I can't accept it. I guess just the way I was raised we were encouraged to learn, to not watch TV, to aim for progress. This is what I was taught by my parents and the role models I had, the same ones we all had. None of this was a secret, it was out there for everyone to see and hear.

Ok I'm irritable, now. This guy kept leering at me in the street while I was on my way to an audition, and I lost it. "Don't bother me!" I screamed at him. Why do these men think they have a right? I was hungry and tired. I finally found a place selling veggie burgers, fries and cocktails, to go. But there were people everywhere and nowhere to eat....I can't eat in crowded places. It was raining, my umbrella broke, but I finally climbed the stairs and found a quiet spot. So now I'm waiting for my audition time. I still want to socialize. I love going to auditions but I just wanted to fall asleep, earlier. Now, I feel insatiably hungry. It's a vampire syndrome? My moon sign is Virgo, and sun sign Leo. Virgo moon is a tough one. We're just not a content, easygoing lot. I'm always critical, of myself and others. I'm never at ease. I'm not happy, all that much. I find fault, everywhere. I tried raspberry tea but it tasted awful....I took one sip and threw the rest in the sink. Walks? Yoga? I ate French fries and a whole chocolate bar today. Guilt. I can feel the fat piling on. But in this neighborhood there's not much in the way of healthy. Pretty soon my audition time will come up....actually not pretty soon. I brought a book, called Loose Change, by Sara Davidson. The characters are pretty conventional but it's entertaining, kind of like Jane Austen in the 60s. I'm going on a spin here.....


What is there here that's non fattening and vegetarian? Cole slaw? That has mayonaise. This is the dilemma I deal with every day. I'm not naturally thin. It's a struggle, all the time.