oh lovelies

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

an army of lovers

like I've said b4, I am not a lesbian, and not about to stop having relations with men. I don't despise all men, though I do get infuriated at misogyny, and I don't want to be around only women. I really do try to reach out to other women, but they either start annoying or embarassing me by asking questions I consider personal, too personal, or else try to play "God" (or Goddess) by either obsessively fault finding, picking fights, being judgemental, or else, the other side, acting like if they hadn't come along I'd be hopeless; with constant advice and "if I were you" or "what you really need to do is" as if I hadn't thought of that, you know? Like the other night, I was trying to talk about a major issue with this woman, and out of the blue she starts telling me I need a rug for the bathroom. Look, it's not like I hadn't thought of that, and it really pissed me off. I don't want a rug because it'll get wet and mildewy, Jesus, if I have to explain myself. Inevitably it becomes a contest, a power struggle. Or, the other side is silence. They don't respond when I do try to be friendly; then suddenly, six months later when I'm actually preoccupied with something they (intrude?) approach me and expect me to drop whatever I"m doing to socialize with them, my long lost friends. I have to be honest here, because I'm feeling really angry about this situation and can't pretend there are no problems. Maybe I just need to get out and experience more life, or something, and not stay in this apt with all the problems and difficulties I'm dealing with here, and now. But I'm gaining back my strength, slowly.

3 comments:

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