what next?

This being a response to something written, and said ........

I think I need to...I don't know.....but I'm really not satisfied with any of the groups I've been involved in, online or otherwise. I sometimes feel lonely, frustrated, but I know I can't possibly be alone. But I will remove myself from certain people and situations. I am not going to just look the other way when I see wrongness being done, or pretend it isn't happening. If a guy is disrespectful to me on the street, I have a right to confront him. If I confront a harasser and he turns out to be a plainclothes cop who turns the tables on me and threatens to arrest me, then insults me, when he and his friends harassed me and I did nothing to them, nothing violent, then I can't just walk away from it trying to only see the good in people. If we just looked at the good then nothing would ever change, and change needs to occur.

I need to have more in depth discussions with people, mainly other women, who understand how I feel and when like minded people get together and really bond in a positive way, then that is going to create effective change. If we preach to eachother and the converted, it doesn't matter! Some things can't be said enough. I am not going to engage in endless busywork just so I can say I'm "doing something" if it's pointless, menial and repetitive. And I have finally realized I can never go back to the corporate world, and the answer to my problem is not to get, if I ever can, a job that is low prestige, which has no growth opportunities, which teaches me nothing and provides no satisfaction, allows me no opportunity to leave my mark on the world, in which I become frustrated, depressed, angry, and that has me crying or yelling from the strain of it. It's wrong, but life carries much that is wrong. And for me, the solution is not isolating myself in the woods or on a mountain trying to reach nirvana because that is not facing life and the world, the problems that need to be fixed, it's an evasion from a battle for justice, among other things. Right does not automatically happen, the courts know that.

And finally, even if I do get arrested for some stupidity, the idea of spending so much energy on a lawsuit that is flimsy, that will be very hard to prove in court even if I am right, is not comforting right now. I've said this before and I mean it: until there is real unity among women (which is definitely not happening) then I don't see how things can get better. But women are divided and I've even said I just don't really love women necessarily, but what happened in SHP is the prime example: women who turn on other women, hurt them, really stab them in the back, are what is a hindrance to "solidarity." But realistically, women haven't bonded, we haven't gotten over differences, and not all women are great or even good. So what do you do? I know I have to find something else, a more substantial relationship, and not even a sexual one. I believe there is hope. But I'm not going to deny what I can't.