what should I do?

I am afraid, this time. But more than that, angry. The person I wrote about, who lives in the room adjacent to mine, by the fire escape, in the apartment next door, just threatened my life basically. I never know if I go to feed the cats, in which I have to pass through the ....well I won't get into it, or coming home at night, or hell he could just crawl through the window. There is something dead in my room like a mouse or something....at least I think that's what it is....behind the walls or by the vent, somewhere, but not anywhere where I can find it and remove it. THe smell is horrible. I had to sleep in the abandoned room across the hall, where that girl was (she moved out). So congratulations, me, another shit living situation. According to ....well, the better time to move is October. This month.....I haven't been anyone's dream. I know that. God knows I fucking try. But I failed yet again. Anyhow, this guy....when I passed him in the hallway, said "Don't go putting any fucking notes under my door, you hear? You don't know who I am." It's true, I don't know who he is, although I am sure he really is violent, deranged and dangerous. The kind of person who would hurt someone innocent and enjoy it, be proud of it. Of course, he is popular, too. A classic sociopath. I have to try not to be hateful you know? Problem is, it just drags you down to the same level. Still, I may be forced to go to the cops, which is horribly stressful, and I've been forced to tell the landlord as well. I really am afraid I'll end up in the papers as another stalking or murder victim. If that happens, I want to make it clear who the perpetrator really is lest they get the wrong guy.

disregard the last entry

I guess I was in one of those moods. I'm having problems, major ones, with the same person I wrote about before. He smoked a cigarette and joint, and I don't care if they do, it's friday night/sat morning.....if it's out the window or on the fire escape even. I've done that. But it was in his room, and it all drifted from his to mine through a very thin wall and I was asphyxiated by it, plus getting a migraine. This is all after I'd suffered a major anxiety attack. A terrible one. I was doing my breathing and stretching when he did this. This is why I was so mad. It couldn't have happened at a worse time. And stuff like this just...I don't want to become a hateful person. Or bitter. But this kind of thing...this general meanness and lack of caring for others, from people like him, make me lose sympathy.
On a better note, I made some money at work. After busting my ass and going through hell and back. I saw a black cat cross the road. That's good or bad luck depending where you are. I see it as an omen, or some kind of angel....if it goes away from you it's seen as bad and toward you it's good. It ran into someone's front yard. I went there, sat on the sidewalk, and waited for it, and he came out. He looked at me, he was wild, with his big sea green eyes, kind face. Then the owner of the building came out, and the cat took off.
There were these very scary people, junkies, in the store I was coming from. I was afraid they'd follow me. There must be a solution, to all this.

when i was fifteen

I ran off with some friends once, rather than go to that house in the hamptons. I spent the weekend crashing on people's couches. I was nervous, sure, I took acid, I had no clue where I was headed, but I was -- I had a life. For once, my only companionship wasn't the trees, the cats, and books. A good and bad side to that. Sometimes I need humans. But I was integrated into the world, and of course as a pretty young girl I had any number of guys trying to fuck me. One of them almost....made a play at trying to rape me. He pointed an ice pick at me and told me to get in the shower....then said, just kidding. I got out of there, somehow.