harassment

Today it's been ........too many times to count. The last straw was when I went out to the store around 12:30 am. Some .......ok, one guy was heckling me. I walked by and ignored him. Then, as I was turning the corner to go to my place, a guy (white) got out of a cab and was saying to me, as I walked in the street to get away from him, "Hey, be careful in the street girl." He kept staring at me and I started to get nervous......then he went into one of the buildings. Then, two guys (black) turned the corner and were walking behind me. Call me paranoid, but since I was assaulted last year I trust no one. I called my roommate and asked her to stay on the phone with me. I went into my apartment, and saw the two guys walk away. I got a really bad vibe from these guys and could tell......one even looked like the one who assaulted me. My neighborhood is not bad; it was much worse when I moved in. But there are dicey areas nearby. Still--ok to their credit I have to say the cops do patrol these streets and keep a lookout. But I'm really sick of people, when I complain about this, acting like I"m to blame for living here, and say, "Well, why don't you just move?" or "I don't know why you haven't moved out of there.....long ago. Why do you stay there?" and "It's Bed Stuy, don't you know that's real rough you should get out of there......" I feel like asking, "Why don't you just move?" First of all, it's not that simple, and second, why should I? Why shouldn't women (or men) be able to walk around at any time or why should we be forced to pay ridiculous rents (and this block does have high rents).....when in other parts of the world the rents are low and the poverty extreme but this shit doesn't happen? Even my roommate doesn't listen to me or take me seriously when I say there's bad stuff out there, and makes it out to be my fault. I end up getting punished. Well, that's not right. The way things are done in this country--"gentrification" I mean I'm not a fan, but I also don't miss living in fear. And sadly, neighborhoods with higher rents are safer. My area happens to have bad spots. But the first guy who harassed me was white (not that it matters, but for the record) the others were black--they had no right, no fucking right at all. I live here and pay for this place, I deserve to live safely. It's still safer here than it was. But there needs to be zero tolerance, and no one deserves to be bothered because they go outside to the store after midnight. That's discrimination and it comes out of low and high places. So don't tell me we live in a post feminist world where we're all equal. Or rather, don't tell me I have it great and don't suffer discrimination except for a few minor kinks here and there (such as being followed and leered at every time I go home) or marrying a guy who cheats because I'll get pregnant/fat get bags under my eyes/worn down from endless breast feeding and diaper changing and the world is full of sweet young things who simply worship and adore my husband.......ya de ya de ya ..................then he's run off with one of them and I'm old/fat/with a kid/and a .....................humiliated and beaten in the worst possible way deja vu? -----no it isn't really happening I'm just making it all up and imagining it cause I have nothing better to do.............I've had a couple drinks now....................As long as I can't leave my house that's not equality. No, it's not right. I went out again, with a police whistle (I am well aware of the corruption of the police but in this situation there's no alternative) and was ready to raise hell because those guys who followed and threated me should not be out in the world. No, no--that's what I mean by zero tolerance. I won't live my life in jail--staying indoors after x time no--we should be able to meet the night head on. I'm a night person. I don't know if.........after I got my hair done I feel like I'm getting far more attention than ever. But no matter. I won't take it. No way.