is no longer possible to be a positive experience. Because first of all, I have to deal with men in the street leering at women, making comments, turning every last one of us into objects, and nothing is ever done about it and it is never questioned, these men are never punished. Men staring at women in the streets, like they're drunk, sick, I'm sick of them--it's killing me, I think about killing them. Any woman who wears a dress, who does her hair or makeup, wears high heels--these are the main targets. If you're attractive, you're inviting it. I think many of these men are staking out their next victims, seeing who will fight them the least. You hear all this talk about "beauty standards" and "society" and "media" or even pornography putting pressure on women to make themselves into fantasy sex objects, wear high heels, skirts, makeup, but what it comes down to is it's men. Society, media are abstract things created by human beings: almost overwhelmingly men. Men pressure women to wear uncomfortable clothes, makeup, hair spray....and punish anyone who doesn't conform. Every minute of every day I have to deal with this barrage of assault, this overwhelming sense of entitlement, from men in the streets.
But I'm not letting women off the hook, either. "Rich cunts" is the term Henry Miller was using....."cunt" is not a nice word despite some feminists' efforts to reclaim it. But people aren't always nice. I had to transfer trains in the Carroll Gardens section of Brooklyn, and I hate being there, hate it. It put me in a really bad funk. I want to stay positive, but in this atmosphere it's a struggle to see straight most of the time. The energy is horrid....all these Republicans, all these conservative women it's religious with them, really, it's sexual in a way. Maybe they're seeking approval from their fathers, maybe it's narcissism.... I'm not going to whitewash now....it's true. What would drive a man to make a law saying a random woman whom he has never met, who he doesn't care if she lives or dies, can't have an abortion? Why so much energy spent on protecting a primitive life form, and valuing that over a grown woman? The reason is control. Same with keeping prostitution illegal. I could go on and on. I'm not attacking everyone. But certain people are guilty. Women oppress women, they sell other women out. This is the dirty secret feminists don't want to let out--women's barbaric treatment of one another. My friend was telling me how these girls in her private school once locked her in the bathroom....but it's more than that. They want a leader, authority figure, maybe, someone to worship? Maybe that's part of it....
But I shouldn't say this stuff. What is the solution? I have read enough Ann Coulter to recognize hate, and reverse hate isn't a solution.....
but I can't go on in this environment and hold it together. I can't live with constant invasion of my personal space, the "hostile environment" of men leering at women and pressuring them for sex or plotting ways to stake out their next victim, because well I can't I won't tolerate it. What's wrong is wrong. Why is it illegal for them to do it in the office but not in subway stations? I can't live this way. It's eroding my health. And this "takeover" going on in the city; the artistic venues disappearing or under pressure--to become beer halls or upscale restaurants and even Bluestockings being stocked with watered-down pseudo-feminist or non-political books because....some women may be offended by anything too hard core....
this is suffocating me. I need a change. I can't stay here. I would die if I had to live in Carroll Gardens--not the Carroll Gardens of old, the Italian neighborhood, but of now--the high-rent, "yuppie" atmosphere I don't want to go on a negative rant....but what can I say? It's how things are. Even the techno clubs....no techno is bad, it incites people to take drugs and have gay sex....
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